Normally I avoid stories written in 1st person like the plague. I was pleasantly surprised to discover someone who could actually do it without mutilating a story. I'm a little confused about the 1st ch where you said he used her virginity against her. I have no idea what you mean. Were you implying that her being a virgin allowed him to manipulate her body easier? I don't see how that would work.
I did enjoy the twist that Kagome was into humiliation and that you made it more believeable by having her draw a line between Sesshoumaru touching her verses complete strangers. The psycology involved make it more beliveable.
CoNtInUe pLeAsE I nEeD To rEaD MoRe It'S A BeAuTiFuL StOrY! AnD ExTrA LeMoNy WhIcH MaKeS It So MuCh BETTER! I HoPe YoU UpDaTe SoOn pLeAsE I CaN't WaIt FoR ThE NeXt ChApTeR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sincerely, Shannah Ellis
A.K.A.
Dark_Angel
odansu_amerika (Chapter 8) - Fri 09 Jan 2009
| I love this story... Very sexual and yet actually has a plot. Please Update soon!!!!!!!
please continue im looooving this fiction beautiful work
| So, why haven't you updated? Just out of curiosity because I really liked this story and I cant wait until you continue
Crimson Rose (Chapter 8) - Wed 31 Dec 2008
Damn you gottah update!
lissa (Chapter 8) - Thu 18 Dec 2008
| More, there must be more!
porch (Chapter 8) - Sat 13 Dec 2008
| i really really liked the story. i wish i could write like you. i like the way you show both point of views. it may seem confusing but once you read it a couple of times you understand. i hope there will be more chepters soon. will there? please. o and i liked how you made it seem like it inuyasha instead of kouga coming to get kagome. oh and when kagome and sesshoumaru were outside and laying there it was sooooo sweet. the only thing i want to know is whene is naomi going to leave and will sesshoumaru and kagome be going together like bf gf or mates soon. i know this is a lot but i love this story. so please read this review and please please update soon. bye.
xSilent_Musex (Chapter 1) - Sat 13 Dec 2008
Thanks to you... my and my boyfriend are doing some great things inspired by your story... keep on
Rowdysgirl (Chapter 8) - Thu 11 Dec 2008
| Well, I checked online and you are correct:
Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)
GRINDED \Grind"ed\, obs. p. p. of Grind.
Ground. --Sir W. Scott.
But so am I:
Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language
grind (gr nd)
v. GROUND (ground), grind•ing, grinds
v.tr.
This was a lovely chapter, you handled Kouga so kindly. However, you used RIDGED, which refers to a rock formation or a crest of something, "He climbed to the top of the ridge." I think you wanted to used RIGID.
I know what you mean about then and than. One of my bugaboos is BARE/BEAR. BARE is get naked. BEAR is to carry, transport, exhibit, endure... Grizzly, brown, Polar, Koala. It's one of those crazy multiuse words.
By the way, I've taken to turning the heat OFF when I seen you've posted another chapter.
;> Rowdysgirl
l33t (Chapter 8) - Thu 11 Dec 2008
It's refreshing to see a fanfiction author that is open to constructive criticism. You are a great writer, so the grammatical mistakes you make are glaringly obvious. Point of view switches usually bother me when reading, however, you have a tendency to do that quite well.
I read that you have a hard time telling between "then" and "than", I also have a hard time with that. I usually use helpful online resources for such things. I'll give you a link. It lists the most common grammatical errors. I hope this is useful!
http://www.wsu.edu:8080/~brians/errors/errors.html
guilty pleasures (Chapter 7) - Thu 11 Dec 2008
| Btw, I've taken a look over all the reviews that have been left for this story. I don't believe a single one of them has been flame, and yes, I am including my own reviews of this story. A flame is a message that is an intentionally abusive and usually crude personal attack on someone else. The only flames so far have been in the author's notes as you roast reviewers for having the audacity to question the premise of events in the story.
guilty pleasures (Chapter 7) - Thu 11 Dec 2008
| Uhuh. And I suppose experienced and world-wise lesbians who have never had the slightest inclination to sleep with a man are still virgins because they've never had a penis inside them. Gay men who have never slept with a woman are still virgins because they've never stuck their penis into a woman's vagina. The minute Sesshoumaru stuck his fingers into Kagome in the act of bringing her sexual pleasure/torture, she was no longer a virgin. Sexual intercourse is in no way defined by the interaction of a penis and a vagina. The presence or absence of a hymen is certainly in no way an absolute indicator of virginity, however the rupture of the hymen if it exists is still considered a fairly clear indicator of sexual activity. So please refrain from soap-box ranting. All that was required was the explanation of your definition of a virgin from the perspective of demons for the purpose of this story.
joyouki (Chapter 8) - Wed 10 Dec 2008
| you know what, this was down right juiceness! I loved it. I do feel bad for Kouga poor wolfboy! I was so hoping Kagome would have told Sesshomaru her heart lies with him, but she's confused. I am glad he asked her that!
As far as your grammar or punctuation...I could care less. I just want you to know I have far more better things to do than to critisize someone who is writing for free and enjoys doing so!
I love your writing with or without correct spelling! A true fan I am!
joyouki
taixi (Chapter 8) - Wed 10 Dec 2008
Since you’re accepting criticism of incorrect word usage, here are some observations/corrections from the most recent chapter (ch. 8):
ridged (“I felt his entire body go ridged”) --> rigid
laid (“I laid there and watched him as he stared into the trees”) --> lay
(Note re: lay vs. laid --> here, “lay” is used in the sense of the past tense of the verb “to lie.” It’s a common mistake and there’s lots of confusion around these words since “to lay” is also a verb itself, and “laid” is the past tense of that verb. But here, the verb “to lie” (as in to stay in a horizontal position) is proper, rather than “to lay” (to place something down).)
also per the review you quoted at the beginning of this chapter, you’ve substituted “than” for “then” again in this chapter. (e.g. “at first I felt frustrated because he just didn't know when to give up, than I feared for his life.”) --> should be “then” (also should use a semicolon rather than a comma, see comment below).
(these words are incorrect in context, rather than incorrect per se, so just using spell check won’t catch the errors).
Also, just a general observation re: punctuation: you tend to use commas even where other punctuation (such as semicolons or a new sentence) would be proper. One example: “His back was tight, but his walk didn't show the discomfort, I was surprised I recognized it at all.” --> should be: “His back was tight, but his walk didn't show the discomfort; I was surprised I recognized it at all.” It’s possible for the reader to overlook this tendency, but if you’re aiming to improve your writing, then it’s something to work on, especially since it occurs throughout.
As for the plot development in this chapter, it seemed a bit odd that Sess would be so relatively respectful of Kagome’s desire not to engage in sexual activities with Koga around, as opposed to how Sess showed her off in front of the other lords and made her pee on herself to humiliate her. I realize Sess appears to be developing feelings for Kagome, which might explain a difference between the original public humiliation scene (when she was tied to the wall along with the other naked women) but Sess already appeared to be acknowledging some feelings prior to the second public incident where he displayed her tied to a chair and wetting herself in front of the other lords.
Finally, you mentioned you don’t know what PWP is. It’s “porn without a point” (or as I like to think of it, “porn without plot”). Even though you do have some plot to your story, people often use PWP to describe stories that have an abundance of porn/sex scenes in relation to the amount of plot (or simply the non-sex scenes) in the story.
this was sinfully delightful!
Rowdysgirl (Chapter 7) - Mon 08 Dec 2008
| This is really good for PWP. I can turn the furnace down everytime I read a new chapter! I guess that means that you are helping the environment by writing it. There are a couple of things that I need to point out though:
Ground is the past tense of grind, not grinded
Then is for what comes next and than is used in situations like comparisons: 'He kissed me then hugged me.' 'It is better to give than receive.'
overpower and afterglow are compound words.
responds: she responds to me. response: I enjoyed her response.
When referring to the ropes, cuffs, whatever, they are bonds, not binds.
A collar is part of a blouse or shirt, a collarbone is where one would lay one's head on another.
your is the possessive form of you. you're is the contraction of you are.
I apologise if I sound snotty, I don't mean to. But your writing is so good, technically and creatively, that every error stands out glaringly. It makes me a little crazy, and I don't have so far to go anymore.
Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
rowdysgirl
Megan (Chapter 7) - Mon 08 Dec 2008
| Ohh! Oh my! That chappy was really very good! Okay so first you had me laughing with your authors note. And then the actually chapter was just awesome! I love how romantic it was, without them really doing anything unnatural. I enjoyed that Kagome got angry, and his was of dealing with it was really good. I am so happy with the way things are progressing. Its awesome that you can write yummy smut and a great scene without it too! I will wait for your next update eagerly!! ;D
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