Maybe I shouldn't let this become my problem but I feel that I need to to something. There are two people that are very close to me, my best friends since high school and they are both married. The husband is a co-worker of mine and recently there have been talks of him having an affair with another co-worker. I didn't believe it until I saw them together at the movies holding hands and cuddling, I nearly fainted, his wife is the most beautiful person I know, and while I cannot say for sure that they don't have marital problems, what he is doing behind her back is wrong. I want to tell her but I am scared. Sometimes I feel that I should confront him but I don't know. I am torn because they are dear friends of mine and she loves him very much. My mom says I shouldn't get involve it is between them. Please advice!

Maybe you could confront him anonymously? Maybe a threatening letter that you will expose him. It is a tough situation because if you confront him directly, he could throw you under the bus to his wife, that you knew. Or you could write an anonymous letter to her as well. You could just sit with her and tell her how much it hurts you to know that this is going on and go from there. It all depends, some reactions are disbelief and you could be blamed for lying. But what you just said about her being a beautiful person, let her know that.

My mother met my father when he was married. Things can get ugly, so you should be there for her. I hope I helped in some way.

All I can say at the moment is that I am so scared that I cannot do anything. I read what you had to say and your advice is appreciated, but I am still so unsure. Thank you.

As someone who has had their husband run around on them, the worst part about the whole experience was that I was the last to know and everyone was giving me these pitying looks, but would not tell me. Yeah, it is an awkward situation, but it is a big deal.

I understand why your mom was suggesting to not get involved... This could come back and bite you in the tush as ’that interfering friend'. I am not going to lie, you could lose their friendship. Or you could sit back, keep quiet, and let things fall where they may, possibly hurting her more in the process. "You knew?! Why didn't you tell me?" And you could still lose their friendship.

But honestly, I would want to know. Her husband is not just destroying his marriage and hurting your friend's heart, but there is a chance he could bring home something to his wife that could affect her health and possibly the health of any children (if they have any or are planning on them)

Some questions....
Do they have an 'open' marriage? Some couples are dating while married... There is an increase in this type of relationship, so don't be surprised if she knows about the girlfriend.

If not, do you have proof? In the end it would be your word against his, and denial is easier to accept. That will put him on his guard and make him sneakier if he knows he's been seen.

And what will the repercussions to you be at your job? Are they worth it to save your friend from possible heartache and public humiliation?

You said you don't know if they are having problems, so if you decide to get involved, all you can do is present the facts to her and let her take it from there... Let her know you will help, but don't force the issue. She would be the one to decide the next step. This doesn't have to mean the end of their marriage. I have seen others work through it, but there is an effort to be made.

Again, if it were me, I'd want to know. After 20 years together, I would hope my husband respected me enough to not make a fool of me or or life together.

I don't envy your position, but good luck.

KEdakumi, thanks for the advice and for putting things into perspective. I really don't want to lose her friendship, and interfering will definitely cause problems that might just end it. I think I am hesitant to tell her because he will know right away that I am the one who told her, after all, we work at the same place. I will let her know but I will just have to find a way to do so without casting suspicion on myself. My fellow Dokugans came up with some very creative ideas lol! .

C, I am very sorry that you had to go through that, and what you said about being the last to know and persons around giving you pitying looks really turned things around in my head. It's a sensitive situation that needs to be handled carefully.

Being in the position you are in is not a place most people would want to find themselves in, but it is my sincere belief that no one would like to be the last to find out about such horrendous news while friends and family was already aware of it. It can cause your friend to not only feel betrayed by her partner but also by her friend, you, for not speaking up sooner.
Again, I am sorry to hear this is happening and such a weight was placed on your shoulders. It is, of course, ultimately your choice what you decide to do, and I hope everything turns out for the best (if that is possible in this situation).