My daughter went on a double date to the movies the other night. She got there before the guy did so she bought both tickets. The guy didn't offer to give her money back to her and he didn't buy snacks during the movie. I don't have a problem with them going dutch, but is it just me or should the guy have at least offered to buy their popcorn since she bought the tickets? My daughter got upset when me and her dad told her that but we just don't think it's right and we still fund her social life LOL Just wanted to know other people's opinions.

I dont think you're being old fashioned, so much as you expected the guy to show common courtesy- even if she didn't accept, he still should have offered, at least, to get popcorn or soda.... something, ya know? Problem is most kids these days aren't being taught the value of simple polite concepts and behaviors- such as common courtesy. My son's only 12 and I refuse to let him go to the local cafe with his girlfriend unless he's got money in his pocket and understands he's responsible for himself, and whether he pays for her, she pays for herself, or she wants to treat him is between them to sort out from there.

I dont really think he understands yet why I stress such things, but I just hope he'll get it and appreciate it when he's older and looks back, lol.

Thank you! It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way and I agree that kids today are not being taught common courtesy. The sad part is this isn't the first time this has happened, I've told her before that it's ok to just buy her own ticket. Heck back in my day the guy actually bought both tickets and the popcorn. LOL she's almost 18 so when I tell her that I might as well be saying back in the stone ages when your dad clubbed me over the head and drug me out of my momma's cave by my hair things were different.

If it was a first date with the guy then hells ya he should have bought the tickets and snacks. If it wasn't the first, he most definately should have either payed her back for the tickets or bought the snacks. You only pay for the whole date if you've been together for at least several months, and even then I think the man should be the gentleman and pay for his share at least. Unless they plan on doing: I pay this time, you pay next time, kind of routine. When did common courtesy stop being part of dating? Personally if a guy was like that to me I'd kick him to the curb, who wants a freeloader? t's the little things that count in my opinion.
But then again, this generation doesn't much care for things like courtesy, propriety, modesty, etc, so maybe thats the new way of things.
I'm only 21 and the younger people (and people my age) are already making me feel old-fashioned.

LMAO @ amy

@Shay- I don't think it's 'the new way of things' so much as too many parents these days some how expect that because their children are being geared toward being 'smarter' then they were at that age and so much focus is being placed on education and little else that they just assume kids are going to learn this stuff on their own somehow. My 12 year old is my oldest but I had him 'relatively' young (I just turned 33 at the tail-end of last year), so I'm positive isnt about some generation thing regarding parents, but more than likely a sad matter of laziness and expectance of self-learning skills going on :/.

I don't think you're being too old-fashioned.

I am 21 years old, and when I go out on a date with a guy, I expect him to be courteous enough to offer to pay. It doesn't mean I'll let him since I am perfectly capable of paying my own way, but if he did pay my portion as well, then I feel like I would be inclined to pay for his the following date. (Which, the way I see it, is a reason to see him again if the date went well. lol.) If a guy didn't offer, I'd have to think twice before going out with him again. When it comes down to it, it's honestly not about the money, it's about plain and simple common courtesy.

Red Flag on the boy, but good luck telling your daughter that. I remember doing stuff like that, too. "Times are different, girls can pay, it doesn'
t matter anymore, blahblahblah" My parents couldn't tell me different; I had to learn the hard way.
I'm not saying that girls should never pay, in fact I think its a great equalizer. However... teenage girls should hold on to propriety and modesty more than any other age because that's when habits are formed. Just my opinion from, like I said, learning the hard way. Start making excuses on why he wasn't considerate now, she'll be making up excuse for more serious offenses a little later. (GENERAL 'SHE')
As far as being old fashioned in another way;
I don't go outside if someone honks their horn. Been dating my boyfriend for 4 years, and to this day he will come up to the door to pick me up. Same thing will go with my daughter.

Hehe. Yep I'll never be able to convince her of anything. I was 18 once and thought my parents were totally full of crap and of course had to learn most of my lessons the hard way too. I guess all I can do is waste my oxygen by talking until I'm blue in the face in hopes that some of my words will possibly filter in and stick somewhere in that brain of hers
I totally agree to not going outside to a horn honk. I think that is just rude.

Exactly- it's one thing to expect to pay for yourself, and/or be okay with paying for your date, it's another thing for that person to not even acknowledge that you did it, or worse, seem to expect you to do it. Cake is so right- it's not about the money, it's the fact that he didn't even offer.

You guys are great! Thanks for letting me know you thoughts.

Lol...lots of mommies commenting here... XD

I've never dated, so I can't comment on my own experiences, but I think the accepted thing today is - whoever does the asking out, pays. It reflects well on the guy, however, if he offers to pay...no matter who did the asking. For that matter, I think it also reflects well on a girl if she offers to go dutch, when the boy's asked her out, from the second date onwards.

Personally, I'd prefer the dutch method overall, cuz I hate having anyone else pay for me unless they're my parents.

Only send her with enough money for her own ticket and snacks. Problem solved.

I have to agree on the limiting the funds she's given or making her pay with her own money if she wants to do that. I think it's good to let her know that the guy should be courteous enough to offer, not to fund it yourselves, but otherwise if it's her own money let her learn on her own the value of it.

I, personally, have a "whomever asked, pays" policy; but that's what I find fair. It metes out to where sometimes I'm treating him, other times he's treating me, and all the rest we're just out and doing our thing together.

My only contribution on this, is that if your daughter doesn't speak up boys will take advantage of her. She's going to have to step up and lay the ground rules. His not offering to pay, to me (assuming this is a chronic occurrence), shows of a lack of respect toward her. It would also have me questioning how seriously I (were I in her position) was being taken and how serious he was about the relationship.

... or maybe I've just dated too many unemployed musicians to appreciate the "Sugar Momma" role.

I don't think you're being old fashioned at all! I don't necessarily think the guy has to pay or the girl has to pay - I think that's one of those things that just depends on the circumstances, the date, etc. However, I DO think that each party should at least OFFER to pay. When I had my first date with a boy, he told me he'd buy the tickets. I told him I could pay for my own (since we were both unemployed high school students), but he insisted, and so I told him I'd pay for the snacks then. He tried to pay for that too, but I insisted too I think that's the type of thing that should go on - Offer, accept/decline, insist or not, etc. Two way communication is the key to any relationship, no matter how new.

That's exactly how my daughter feels! She said she feels bad if anyone else pays for her

naqaashi wrote:
Lol...lots of mommies commenting here... XD

I've never dated, so I can't comment on my own experiences, but I think the accepted thing today is - whoever does the asking out, pays. It reflects well on the guy, however, if he offers to pay...no matter who did the asking. For that matter, I think it also reflects well on a girl if she offers to go dutch, when the boy's asked her out, from the second date onwards.

Personally, I'd prefer the dutch method overall, cuz I hate having anyone else pay for me unless they're my parents.

No, it's not old fashion. The only time I wouldn't expect the bf to pay or even offer to pay for something is when, like with my bf, they have no money. With my bf laid off and just starting school, I tend to pay more often. Though, we also just spend our time not going out and watching stuff at home, so neither of us have to worry about paying. (He hates not being able to do that sort of stuff.)

While I believe it is whoever asks who out to pay, it is just courteous to offer. ^.^ I'm another 21 year old like this. I dunno though. Maybe I hit the age that I don't know what YIMs think.

I will not lie this topic is VERY interesting to me. Me and my fiance have a very "non tradition" role. I am the breadwinner and bring home the figurative bacon. I am very much for the whoever asks shall pay. However, it is my firm belief that in the "beginning dating process" the guy should pay. Once you are in a relationship everything changes because you become a we, not a him and I. After that it is the whole whoever asks shall pay bit (or the you pay for you and I'll pay for me bit)

Thats my 2cents. Though I wont lie and say I am not a suggar momma. My fiance is quite spoiled!

-Caleesci

It's not old fashion.

Whenever I have been out on dates or have just went out with my friends it was always understood between us that if one of us pays for something the other takes over paying for something.

Good example of this...
I took my brother to see his girlfriend in Ohio, on the way there we came to an agreement that I would pay for gas and snacks/food on the way up there plus the hotel as long as he paid for dinner for the two nights we were there.
On the first night there his girlfriend literally ripped him a new one for buying my dinner at Applebee's and then I ripped her a new one...she actually said afterwards that her daddy had taught her that you pay your own way and don't freeload off of others.

Kind of made me really ticked off but whatever you know?

I don't understand the younger generation, but I pray I am able to stick it in my daughter's heads that going dutch isn't bad nor is the guy also paying for something not bad but if he expect you to get everything and not offer to help is bad.

Lol Caleesci, he's a lucky man then
My daughter and her date are both jobless high school students and while I'm funding I'd prefer her to just pay for herself. She seems to think that mom stands for
"Made Of Money" I think she was pretty stupid for buying both tickets in the first place. It was a first date, he asked her out and they didn't have any pre agreement to go dutch. I wouldn't have had such a problem with it if he had at least bought thier snacks. When me and my husband were dating I always offered to pay, he never let me, but I wouldn't have minded.

I've explained to my daughter many times that I give her extra money in case she needs it for an emergency, not to take her "boyfriend" out on a date he asked her on. When she gets a job and starts funding her own social life then she can spend her money on whatever she chooses.

I guess I just wonder what happened to good old fashioned common courtesy.


Miss Anna.... that would have ticked me off too! and I agree " that going dutch isn't bad nor is the guy also paying for something not bad but if he expect you to get everything and not offer to help is bad." But I seem to be having a hard time getting that idea into that hard head of hers. If my mother were still alive I'm sure she would be laughing at me right now because she probably went through alot of the same stuff with me

ah the struggles of parenthood. I'm certainly not looking forward to the day either of my kids are dating.

Amy I think your teen is just reacting the way she did because, deep down, she knows you are right and doesn't want to face that fact. She probably just interprets what is actually your expressed concern as "mom is judging me by the friends I keep. and if mom is saying negative things about my friends/boyfriend the its because she thinks I can't make my own choices"

You know... that typical thing teenagers do where they read WAY too much in to things, and make a mountain out of a mole hill.

No offense to the teens here because not all teens are the same, but lets be honest... this is a general truth of all teens which transcends gender and generation.

Hang in there sugar... you just raise her the best you can, and be there when she needs you. At this age thats the most you CAN do. And you seem to be doing a great job. xoxoxo

insomniac_amy wrote:
It was a first date, he asked her out and they didn't have any pre agreement to go dutch. I wouldn't have had such a problem with it if he had at least bought thier snacks. When me and my husband were dating I always offered to pay, he never let me, but I wouldn't have minded.

I'm thinking that had you included this bit of info in the initial post, this thread would not have gotten so long.

Wow, seriously- what are this boy's parents teaching him? I agree with everyone in this thread- whoever asks should 'expect' to pay for that first date- even if your date won't let you pay for them (or pay at all, since a lot of guys out there are still old-fashioned enough that when the girl who asked them out goes to pay for something, they insist on 'being a gentleman', for whatever that means and paying instead), it's that he didn't even make the offer that is making everyone reading this thread go 'uh . . . wait, what? Are you kidding me?'

Maybe you should give your daughter time to wait and see...

if she goes on another date with this guy, very calmly ask her if this guy is paying, on their second date... because "its only fair you paid last time"

However it comes out... and whoever pays, the person not paying should try to keep things cheap in my opionion, when me and my fiancee go out? I know hes pretty broke most of the time- so when he offers to pay for dinner, I offer to split something with him, we both eat, and im not bleeding his wallet for every last penny.

First dates are hard thought- some young girls will do whatever it takes to sort of hold onto a guy they really like...

looool Freya I gotta admit that you are probably right I was really too tired to be trying to post anything serious at the time, but I have enjoyed reading all the responses

MoxyMikki, I can only hope that I am doing a good job with her. This is her senior year so it's probably my last year to try and cram all the wisdom I can into her while she's still home. I find it so funny that we are so full of contradictions when it comes to our kids. You know there is the whole teach them to walk and talk only to tell them to sit down and shut up and then we spend all the years in between teaching them to be independent and make their own decisions only to "question" them every chance we get. I guess that's part of our "growing up" and learning as parents, or at least it has been in my case.


That's a good idea to wait and see what happenens next time! That and I think I will send her with only enough money to pay her own way.

Hey! I want to stir this pot too! Tell your daughter that if the boy isn't treating her with courtesy and consideration, then he isn't seeing how special and valuable she is. The lout has a treasure beside him and he's treating her like a convenience? I don't think so. If he doesn't recognize his good fortune that she agreed to be seen with him, then toss him out with the trash!