Three women stood at the gates of heaven. An angel appeared when the gates opened and came to speak with them.

"Welcome ladies, this is heaven. You will be permitted to stay so long as you follow our rule. There is only one rule: Do not step on the ducks."

The women found this rule to be agreeable, so they consented and were lead into heaven past the gates. Soon, they reached the sanctuary where they would be staying and it's floors were completely covered with ducks!

A few months after their arrival, the first woman accidentally tripped, causing her to step on a duck's tail feathers. It squawked and ran off. Moments later, the same angel from the entrance came towards her, bringing with him a hideous man.

"You have broken the rule of heaven, as punishment you will be chained to this man for the rest of eternity." And it was done.

Again, months passed and the other two women were completely happy in their new homes. Until one day, the second woman was daydreaming and while she was walking, proceeded to step on a duck's wing.

It quacked in pain and flew off in the opposite direction. The woman was fearful as she witnessed what had happened to her companion only a few months prior. And sure enough, the same angel who had appeared to them returned, leading an equally deformed man with him.

"You have also broken the rule of heaven, and as punishment you shall be chained to this man for the read of eternity." And it was done.

Now the last woman, who had witnessed both accounts of punishment was becoming increasingly fearful of stepping on ducks. She took every precaution to ensure that she would not to chained to a hideous man for the rest of eternity.

Time passed in heaven, and this woman had been most successful in keeping to the single rule. She had not stepped on or even come close to stepping on a duck for several years.

One day, she noticed the angel from the gate approaching her, leading the most gorgeous man she had ever laid eyes on.

He said nothing to her, but chained them together.

This woman was confused. What had she done to become so fortunate as to be chained to such a beautiful man for eternity? Was it her reward for abiding to their rules?

She turned to the man in confusion and asked if he knew what was going on.

He replied, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."




<3 Naomi - credits to my friend for telling me this joke XD and whoever told it to her etc till whoever came up with it.

Hope you find it as funny as I do!

Share your jokes too! I'm always looking for a good laugh.

OMG that's so mean lol.

Three blondes were driving down the road when their car broke down and soon decided they they would all walk the rest of the way into town. After much thought, they each decided to bring only one item with them, as it was too hot to carry more. Once each had their item, they set off in the direction of town.

After they had been walking for a while, one of the blondes became curious and questioned the the first blonde about what she had brought. "I brought a bottle of water," she explained and when prompted as to why, continued, "In case we get thirsty."

Satisfied with the answer, the blonde nodded her head and the group fell into silence once again. They continued on this way for a while before the blonde became curious again and asked the second blonde what she had brought with her. "A sandwich. In case we get hungry," she explained.

Again satisfied with the answer, the third blonde soon fell into silence once again. They continued on this way for some time until the first blonde became curious and turned back to the third, asking what she herself had brought with her. "The car door," she explained. When prompted as to why, she answered, "If we get too hot, I can roll down the window."

***

After having a fight with her boyfriend, him being on her case about being a dumb blonde yet again, a blonde had decided to go for a nice, long car ride. She hoped the fresh air would do her some good and help her to calm down.

She had just turned onto a long, winding country road when she noticed a young, blonde woman in a rowboat outside the passenger window. Now this normally would not be that strange of a thing to see, if it wasn't for the fact that the boat was in the middle of a wheat field.

Annoyed at the woman for being an idiot and thinking that would work, the blonde pulled off to the side of the road and got out of her car. Standing at the edge of the field, she called out to the woman, "It's idiots like you that gives blondes a bad name! If I could swim, I would come out there and beat you up!"

LOL!!!

Blond jokes XD

hahah no offense to blondes!

Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, entered a cafe that was said to house a magic mirror in the ladies bathroom. They had heard that the mirror would suck in anyone who told it a lie. Each woman wanted their chance with the mirror.

First, the brunette woman walked into the washroom and stood in front of the enchanted mirror.

"I think I am the smartest girl of the group." Nothing happened. The brunette exited the bathroom and rejoined the group outside.

Next, the redhead entered the washroom alone and faced the enchanted mirror.

"I think I'm the prettiest girl in the group." Nothing happened. The redhead exited the bathroom and rejoined the group outside.

Lastly, the blonde went into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. She opened her mouth and said,

"I think.." and was sucked into the mirror.


I can't remember who told me this one, it was a really long time ago. XD

(kind of dirty joke)But:
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

OMG a blonde joke I've never heard before! Woot. And lmao PRVN that's just too funny.

***

Three blondes were walking through the desert and stumbled upon an mostly hidden cave. After deciding it would be fun to explore it, they headed inside and soon found themselves in an empty room, save for a genie lamp in the center. Deciding it would be fun to try it out, the first blonde picked up the lamp and gave it a quick rub.

After a short smoke and lights show, a genie appeared and informed them that they would each get one wish. After thinking for a moment, the first blonde said, "I want to be 20% smarter." BOOM she was turned into a brunette.

Deciding she had the right idea, the second blonde decided to kick things up a notch and said, "I want to be 50% smarter." BOOM she was turned into a redhead.

The third blonde didn't really want to be a brunette or a redhead, she liked being a blonde so instead she said, "Forget this, I want to be 50% dumber." BOOM she was turned into a man.

***

This is not meant to offend blondes, men or blonde men. It is mean only as a joke.

HAHAHA Good one!

I've got one too XD I only remember bits and pieces so I'm going to make up the storyline a bit.

A newly married couple was vacationing at a resort with a nice golf course. While they were playing the game, they chanced upon a shed. The couple ventured inside and looked around.

The husband was rooting through a cupboard and he found an old lamp. He called his wife over and showed it to her. She giggled, "Let's rub it and see if a genie pops out."

He did as she requested and laughed along with her joke. All of a sudden, a man appeared at the doorway to the kitchen.

"You have released me from my prison. I will grant you three wishes, provided you allow me one wish of my own."

The husband and wife were very excited. There really was a genie! They decided to hear out the genie's wish before agreeing to the terms.

The genie's wish was simple, "I wish to have a passionate romp with your wife. I have been alone for centuries and crave the attentions of a woman."

The couple debated and decided, that for three wishes, which they could use to wish for anything they wanted, they would do as he asked.

After the deed was done, the genie announced the wishes they wanted would be granted when they returned home. The husband and wife were grateful for their luck and returned to their hotel room.

Elsewhere, a caddy walked up to his friend who was picking up golf balls by a pond.

"Yo buddy, you'll never guess what happened. I just convinced this guy I was a genie and he let me sleep with his wife!"

End XD

This one was told to me by my childhood friend, haha.

This is actually a joke I came up with many years ago, so far only my little brother thought it was funny lol.

***

One afternoon in the middle of downtown on a busy street a blonde woman walked across the road, keeping inside the crosswalk. Soon as she made it to the other end, she went back the way she came. Over and over again she did this, even when the walk signal read 'don't walk'.

Every so often, during one of her passes, a car would have to slam on its break to prevent itself from running her over. It would blare its horn and continue on down the road as its driver yelled at her out the window.

Back and forth she went, over and over, until she finally got tired of the cars almost hitting her. As the next one slammed on its breaks, the blonde slammed her hands down on its hood and yelled, "Can't you read?!" as she pointed to a sign over on the sidewalk. "Prostitutes have the right away!"

***

Of course the actual sign says 'pedestrians' in case anyone was confused lol. Like I said, only my little brother thinks it's funny lol.

Ooo I've got another one I heard in elementary school. No offense is meant to anyone, it's just a joke.

A doctor, a professor and a terrorist were sitting in a plane. They dared each other to drop a single item outside the plane. The doctor decided to drop an apple. The professor decided to drop a book. The terrorist decided to drop a bomb.

The three men exited the plane when it landed and saw a little boy who was crying.

"Why are you crying little boy?" they asked.

He said, "I got hit in the head with an apple."

The doctor replied with a smile, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

They continued to walk and saw a little boy reading a book. They asked him what he was reading. He said he didn't know, the book flew down from the sky. It was a gift from god.

The professor replied, "Knowledge is a gift."

The three men continued down their path and saw a boy who was laughing very hard.

They asked him, "What's so funny boy?"

He replied, "I farted and my house blew up!"