I've been going back and forth on this for several weeks and now that it is finally here, I am now having second thoughts. I agreed to allow my middle son to go to Florida for the summer to be with his father and his new family. I agreed to this because Andy really loves his dad and is a total daddy's boy. I KNOW this is the right thing to do. However, as the days when his father is set to arrive has been getting shorter, my brain has been kicking into high gear and presenting me with thoughts that perhaps the plane with go down and things of that nature and I'm seriously wondering if I am losing it. When I first brought the fear of the plane going down to my son's dad, it was during a time where he had brought up the idea of paying for an escort for Andy, but I said no and that if the plane went down, I want him to be with someone that he knows and loves him. Basically, now that I look back at it, if the plane went down, my son's dad would be there, too. Of course, my son's dad just pretty much lost it and laughed for several minutes and then proceeded to tell his mother who also started laughing in the background. Now, I know that they were not laughing at my fear, but just the entire situation. Finally, he made me look up the safety percentages of flying compared to other transportations and yes, I felt a bit better, but I'm still on edge regarding this. Now, today is the day when his father arrives and I'm about to make the trip up to go and get him, and to be honest, I'm so nervous that I've made myself physically sick. My stomach hurts and I feel plain yucky. And, on top of that, I've got laryngitis to add to my issues and it really sucks.

My counselor says that the underlying problems are regarding control (basically, I am giving up control over my child for the summer to his father) and that I fear that Andy will like being with his dad more than me. I think that perhaps he is right and that maybe the time away will give me the chance to really calm down from a hectic year and relax. Of course, my son is completely unaware that his father is coming to town. He believes that his dad will arrive in 2 weeks and then he will go to florida, so this is a surprise for him. Again, I know that this is in the best interest of my son so I know that I have got to suck it up and put on my big girl panties and let him go, but it is so difficult. I've raised my sons on my own for three years, so giving up control is very difficult to deal with.

I'm thinking of talking to his father about how I feel. Perhaps he can help ease my worries. I have no doubt that his wife will care for Andy the way I would, so there are no jealousy issues. I just think that I've made myself panic over nothing and wonder if anyone else has ever gone through this before. It really is frustrating to lose sleep over this.

Don't feel pathetic, what you are feeling is actually pretty natural. Any mother is going to be extra sensitive and extra paranoid when it comes to their children, no matter how old the child is or who the child is with, it's natural to feel worry when you will be separated from them for an extended period of time.

Don't try and hold in your thoughts or feelings on it, talking when you are this stressed is the best thing to do. Because others may be able to help you with this or point out things that in your mind you usually miss or overlook.

Just take a deep breath and think positive. I know it's going to be hard, but just keep thinking positive. You just have to keep reminding yourself that everything will be fine, that your son will be fine and that he will be with people who you know will take care of him.

Take it one day at a time. Try and occupy yourself with something else to get your mind off your worries, and also have your son call you as soon as they land(because that may help some)

I hope everything works out and you will start feeling better soon. Maybe after he is actually there and you see he made it there safely it will be easier for you to start relaxing and stop feeling so frustrated over the event.

Sweetheart, I haven't gone through anything like this, but I can (as the mom to two 'unique' children) empathize COMPLETELY with what you're feeling. Your therapist may be right about it being a 'control issue,' but I suspect it's more than that. It's a MOM issue.

You are the one who understands your child more completely and thoroughly than anyone else in the world. You have been there for him through ALL his years, you know this child inside and out, you are the one who can discern (usually without even being told) when there is a problem. The fears you are feeling and confronting are VERY real to you, even if they might seem trivial to others. Heck, I went through the same "What Ifs" when my 20 yr old daughter flew alone to visit my sister in Florida. I am not ashamed to tell you that I followed all her flights through to her destination and made my sister SWEAR to call me when she arrived.

I feel for you SO MUCH right now. I know those fears - and to face them for the whole summer is probably more than *I* could handle - and I'm *married* to their father!! If you have a comfortable relationship with the boy's father, though, I'm sure that he will be kind enough to allow you to call the boy anytime you feel you need to touch base. I'm also sure that, if you feel that his step-mother will care for him as you would, they will have no problem helping to allay your fears throughout the time your son is with them.

Don't feel "pathetic." And know that your Dokuga family is here to talk you through those times when the fear rides you hard. I'm betting that your son will miss you even if he DOES love being with dad for the summer. Have faith, m'dear, and lean on us when you need it, 'k?

Sending you all the positive vibes I can!!!

~~Wiccan~~

I have an angle to work it, but not the exact situation.

r0o's parents were divored before she could ever remember them being a couple. So for me the flopping back and forth really never made much of an issue.

As far as the planes going down, I'm assuming this is the first time that he's flying, its a valid fear but one that you really don't have to worry too much over. Flying is VERY safe. Anf again I'm assuming he's young, so again even if you didn't have someone with him, they watch kids like a hawk. I've been there before they put an annoying "kid-luggage tag' on you and kinda put you in the seat like your a living carepackage. :l That. Is annoying but over all, i dont think you've got too much to worry about.

Make sure he has gum to chew on if they still allow that, or stuff for his ears popping from the hight and stuff.

As a child product of this kidna situation, I can say its not as bad as you might think it is, in fact to thid day I've racked up more Dealta Flyer miles before i was 12 then i have since i turned 20. *is 27* -__-

As far as your fears as a mother? No worries there either. My brother's and i when we would go see our dad for the summer would spend the first 2 weeks calling him Mom, and calling on the phone every time there was any kidna issue, like " he's touching me!" to.. " i think we killed the toilet with a barbie leg, how do we turn the water off so we don't flood the house before dad gets here?" to " So... Do you know how to make plaster... there's a hole in the wall and the mint toothpaste and TP isn't working as we hoped it would..."

I wont lie it's always nice to see the other parent, almost like an odd Parent vacation, but eventually he'll kinda start missing you, and before you know it he'll want to come home. ^_^

tis the nature of kids!

no worries. My mother tells me now... as an adult she used to break down and cry when we left, for about a day, and then she'd be okay after that b/c for one she knew we were in good hands, she got used to it, even if she didnt like it, and then for a bit, she got to be an adult that was kid-free.

I hope that ramble kinda makes some since and helps you!

If nothing else you have Dokuga >:3 and we loves you!

Your awesome to let him do this. I know it would be very difficult for me to do it without a perscription for valium or something stronger. And one of the good things about the plane trip itself with his dad, he will have one on one time he may not get much of during the summer. This will be time spent just the two of them and i'm sure that will be something he will always remember. And the first time is always the hardest time. Future trips will get easier and easier.

It is natural that you, as a mother, are worried about your little on spreading his wings. Consider the fact that your son will, in time, grow up to be an adult male. I know you want him to be brave, self-confident, competent, like the heroes of the stories you write. The more you try to behave in a matter-of-fact manner when he is doing something new, and express confidence in the success of his endeavors, the braver he will grow to be and more capable of adapting and coping with unfamiliar situations he will be. In other words, the more of a "man" he will be. Nothing less attractive than a man who has been mollycoddled by his mother so he is always dependent! If I were in your situation, I would be way more concerned about the potential difficulties of him dealing with new and unfamiliar family dynamics than the airplane trip. Give him some Benedryl before putting him on the plane, and make sure he understands he can call you at any time and tell you anything, without feeling bad about being disloyal to his father or worrying you. Chin up, Koga's Angel!

He's gone. My baby is in New York city waiting to board for his dad's home in florida. He didn't even look back as he got in line to go through security, but just simply gave me a one-armed hug and a "See ya". His dad rolled his eyes, but he has assured me that everything will be fine and that our son will have a good time. So, now I'm going to have to find things to keep myself occupied and have decided to dedicate my free time to losing weight. I am hoping that when he comes back, I will have made several changes.

So, thank you to everyone who replied. I felt a lot better after reading them and was able to enjoy my visit with my son's dad. We had a great time and I am looking forward to my son's return.

YAY!!!

Three cheers for Dokuga family therapy, huh?

If you ever get to the point where you're feeling down while he's gone, though, you know we are always here to cheer you up!!

~~Wiccan~~

Well I know this comes kinda late but I thought to share anyways:

What you are feeling and thinking isn't abnormal. I too have major control issues, and I'm sure if I had a counselor he'd say the same thing that yours said, but the bottom line is, NO ONE can understand the love and fear involved in being a mother. My daughter is 2; when she was born she was a premie, who had to stay in the hospital for a week and a half. Durring that time my mother in law was out visiting and I was expressing my absolute terror that something would happen to her.... in like 10 years! I was consumed with the fear of her getting kidnapped, or raped, or something equally horrible. I didn't even have her home yet, and I was freaking out about these things. I still think about them, and worry about them.

And just like your ex, my husband just laughs at me when I try to express these concerns. For example - my husband works the night shift and leaves me at home alone with my daughter all night. I feel as if I am the first and last line of defense for Audrey... I stay awake almost the entire night, with a bat by the bed, ready to defend my daughter should someone break in and try to kidnap her! The hubs always asks why I'm so tired, and I explain why, only to have him laugh at me and tell me we should get a big dog (which HE wants and i dont because I'll be the one to do all the work!) In my mind I know I'm being rediculous, but in my heart I'm always worried that something could or might happen.

Dont feel silly for your fears. Its what keeps our kids safe. But sometimes taking a leap of faith is important so that our kids get to LIVE.

You should share with your ex how you feel, but expect the laughter - I think its how they deal when they dont know how to help. They think their laughter will help difuse, but sometimes with women it just exaserbates. Let him know your fears have nothing to do with him or his wife, that in fact, knowing he'll be with them is a comfort, but its the sometimes irrational and uncontrollable fears of a mother who is madly in love with her child. You just need support and reassurance.

Lets us know how it all works out for you.