Reviews for Purity by Knight of Disorder

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Emma (Chapter 4) - Sun 09 Jun 2019

Ok, there's a lot of sentence fragments that make it really hard to understand what's going on, who's doing what action, etc. This chapter wasn't as bad as the one before it in terms of fragments, though. Your story has really good bones, and I want to keep reading, but the lack of action attribution makes it hard. It's things like:

"Reaching out and tapping the glowing symbols on the table that set before the couch." -> "She reached out and tapped the glowing symbols on the table that set before the couch." 

If you'd like I can help with proofreading, be a beta, whatever. :) Like I said, your story has really good bones: you have a great premise and a compelling plot.

Fallingyuki (Chapter 13) - Tue 11 Feb 2014

That was great. Thanks for writing such a great story

Fallingyuki (Chapter 11) - Tue 11 Feb 2014

I definitely did not expect that. It was great!

Fallingyuki (Chapter 2) - Mon 10 Feb 2014

I'm confused now. Does Sesshoumaru's father and Miroku know something he doesn't? Are they going to kill or lock up Kagome and Rin? Are they bad? I am very eager to find out

Fallingyuki (Chapter 1) - Mon 10 Feb 2014

This looks like a very interesting story. Genetically modified ppl. I think it's going to be a very interesting story. Looking forward to the next chapter

sugar0o who lurks (Chapter 13) - Thu 06 Feb 2014

i. love it. yussssssssssssssssss!

Kounami (Chapter 13) - Wed 05 Feb 2014

I enjoyed this fic... I even stayed up all night just to read the entire thing through. But I'm so confused on so many levels at the moment. First, we all know that Sesshoumaru had a strong connection to Kagome  and vise versa, you never went into depth as to why they had such a strong connection. If Sesshoumaru was originally sent in to kill all that were left alive... why didn't he feel the need to kill Kagome and Rin; being the perfect demon assassin that he is. As for Sesshoumaru, I understand hia stoic nature but in this story he was just so... bland. Again, what need did he feel to be attatched to Kagome and Rin? And why did Kagome just... accept everything? Also, why is Rin so cold? If she is one of the newer models than she has the ability to feel emotions without being programmed... right? So why is it that she's just as bad as Sesshoumaru if not worse? I feel like you jumped all around your timeline in this fic... at times it was a little difficult for me to keep up. And then there was the choppy dialogue... I seriously had to go back and reread a few sentences just figure out who the heck was talking! Everything was so runon... I'm sure this fic would being super spectacular if you had a beta. Also... Miroku and Sango roles aren't exactly clear. Why does Sango work side-by-side with Sesshoumaru? What put her in that position? Why are demons working with humans in the first place? And at what cost? You mentioned a Lost City or Old City or something or other... but never delved into it. Matter of fact... what year is it? All this advanced technology going on and they're driving around in... cars? Wow. And why on earth was InuYasha off Earth in the first place? What is going on?! Which brings me to my next point... why was Kagome promised to InuYasha in the first place and not Sesshoumaru? And where was Sesshoumaru when all of this promising happened? In the second to the  last chapter... it is to my understanding that Kimiko is the original Kagome Higurashi. Am I right? Why is Kimiko even evil? Isn't she a preistess? And if she's a dark preistess... why? Why did Kimiko want to kill her own flesh and blood in the first place? And what of Souta? I feel like he was flung in the story just to be added. What was his role? You never elaborated on how he felt about Kagome actually being alive. If he even knew... you just implied it but never confirmed it. But back to Miroku now...what significance does his tattooed hand hold? And why the prayer beads? In the show they are used to subdue the growing hole in his hand. What was the point of the foreshadowing? And InuYasha... how did he come to accept Kagome belonging to Sesshoumaru? I thought he had some plan to take her away from him somehow... why didn't he follow through with it? And why does he have slew of children he doesn't take care of? I umderstand that this is your fic but most of the time you're being inconsistent with what you're trying to convey. In some parts, InuYasha is a honorable half-demon... but he has a bajillion children out of wed-lock? Then there's the promise that Sesshoumaru made to Touga... about him not harming InuYasha until he was 400. Why was that promise even made in the first place? And you mentioned Kimiko regretting every meeting The Great Dog General... is Touga the Inu no Taisho? And for that matter isn't she married to him? And what of InuYasha's mother? Better yet Sesshoumaru's mother? Touga actually went through a dog demoness and two humans? I also feel that Kouga's character was flung in there just cause. I could seriously go on and on but some of the other readers have touched base with the questions I have. Perhaps you should post in the forum to answer all of our inquiries? 

DemonQueen17 (Chapter 13) - Tue 04 Feb 2014

SWEET!!! Welcome back!!! I love the way you ended this story.

SonofZhon (Chapter 6) - Sun 30 Jun 2013

Oh I meant to say at the end of that last review, I feel that the story basically had an interesting premise but that the execution was flawed. 

SonofZhon (Chapter 12) - Sun 30 Jun 2013

I was going to read this earlier but my economics class got in the way.  There are good aspects and bad aspects to this story. 

First, the setting is offers new ways to explore the characters but keep them mostly in line with their general natures.  The standard trope of seeing inuyasha and kikyou in a clearing and so on is successfully avoided. 

Second the inclusion of genetic engineering, implanted memories, and transferring of souls from one body to another makes for interesting plot possibilities and points. 

However, certain things were not carried off well.  Spelling and grammar were in need of a more thorough review; several times clarity was inhibited by flawed sentence construction.  The narration also caused confusion in some sections as actions that were occuring didn't logically follow or seemed to leap around.

The nonlinear story elements possesed potential but were not executed to the greatest effect.

Certain actions and decisions undertaken by the characters were extremely difficult to believe.  For instance it was mentioned that "The teachers had done nothing but watch her, fearful not only that she might be bullied but that she might purify those who tried without thought. A single class not long enough to teach any degree of control..."

Given what Rin can do by accident, no school is going to take the risk of having her around other students.  That is just a potential disaster waiting to happen.  She would most likely be tutored privately or perhaps have some sort of power dampner attached to her to make her less of a threat.

There were other logical inconsistencies like that were present which made it difficult to accept that characters were acting as they were.  At the end, Naraku and Kimiko were not taking appropriate precautions against Kagome's power which is difficult to believe given what they know about her. 

There is also the question of why Naraku is assisting Kimiko at all.  Earlier in the story it was implied he intended to consumer her.  At the end, he is only helping kimiko transfer to a new body but the gain he gets out of it is unclear. 

Characterization suffered some; Sesshoumaru'sh calm but intimidating demeanor didn't come across as fully as it could have.  Although a primary character, his thoughts and reasoning are not fleshed out enough for his character to be "alive."

It is my opinion that Inuyasha strayed too far from his character as he has numerous children out of wedlock.  I could see him developing a sort of obsession with women similar to Kagome out of a sense of failing in his responsibilities but I couldn't see him being so indifferent to his offspring or women he has had them with. 

waterwomen1414 (Chapter 6) - Sun 02 Jun 2013

I dont understand your ranking system. Could you please tell me?


Stacie Bryan (Chapter 12) - Sat 16 Jun 2012

So, I am confused.

I liked the story, but there are holes.

You ended one chapter after a fight scene then the next chapter is 5 years later.... okay... but why are her vocal chords damaged? How did Inuyasha get over her to want to marry Kanna? If the story is rated MA, why wasnt there any lemons? I know how that sounds, and wile yes, I am a lemon freak... because she was an artifical being and a virgin... I would think the first time they were intimate would have been interesting to write... Why did you end it so suddenly? You made it seem like you just wanted it to end because of how fast it was. This could have Easily lasted another 10 chapters if you wanted it too... and it did bug me that everyone wanted to know and was going behind her back to find out information. Plus.... her mom being the bad guy? plau the golden eyes in the background were Touga's right? and Naraku was too easily killed for him to be her opposite.

Zara (Chapter 12) - Sat 05 May 2012

I don't know how long its been since this was finished but I review everything I read, I like the premise of this story, it's new and creative but I feel as if you rushed through a lot of the details. As I was reading I felt like I was missing information about the foundation and other such things. Overall I did like the story and I think you write well. Thanks for posting :)

sugar0o who lurks (Chapter 12) - Mon 23 Apr 2012

i like this, though to be honest, b/c i feel you'd want to hear it, this felt a tiny bit rushed, the ending. we didnt see papa's responce to kagome killing his wife, or if he even knew she was behind it all. we didn't see the fall out or anything. we didnt see Rin coming back to kagome, or sess' reaction to her power and display, even inuyasha's submission that kagome is NEVER going to be his. we didnt get the full mating either, it's implied as she's preggo, and heavy at that, but we didnt see it. this feels more like an epiloge rather then a final chapter. i still love it, but thats how it feels to me.

DemonQueen17 (Chapter 12) - Mon 23 Apr 2012

YAY! Loved it. And Inuyasha marrying Kanna and only getting slapped by Kagome? LMAO! At least he's no longer a man-whore. A lot of good came out of that. Everyone is happy in the end. Awesome!

sugar0o who lurks (Chapter 11) - Sun 22 Apr 2012

O_O wow, MORE! more now! *wiggles c0okies*

DemonQueen17 (Chapter 11) - Sun 22 Apr 2012

I knew there was a reason to dislike that Kimiko chick. More!

sugar0o who lurks (Chapter 10) - Sun 22 Apr 2012

interesting! i can't wait to find out what's going on!

DemonQueen17 (Chapter 8) - Sat 14 Apr 2012

Jeez, what a man whore! Yeah, something does need to be done about him. He needs to settle down...pronto. Children with SIX former assistants?! Touga, hell Sesshomaru or Kagome need to knock him somewhere. 

DemonQueen17 (Chapter 9) - Sat 14 Apr 2012

This is getting more and more exciting. More!

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