I'm completely new to writing fanfiction, but after I started writing out this plot in my head, it kind of exploded in my mind into a full blown story that I'm really excited to get out into the world instead of just in my head.

However I'm finding that while I'm not lacking reads, I have very few reviews, and I had really been hoping for feedback about how I'm doing so far, about what things might be confusing or unclear or even what worked well.

So I'm reaching out, and (unfortunately) asking for people to read and review for me. I just feel like I really need to know what people are thinking as they read my story so I can try to improve it.

Please help me out by checking out my story and letting me know what you think or how I can improve, Thanks!

Similar Features
Kagome is the village burden. Orphaned, and with no mother to speak of in this matriarchal society, she is left on her own to make ends meet. Kagome's long time friend and recently her almost lover, is betrothed to another. An arranged marriage for him ruins all hope of Kagome's happy ending. To make matters worse, when something horrible happens to Kagome, things don't go quite as would be expected, at a loss for what to do, Kagome attempts to escape from the only home she has ever known.
Rated MA

Hope to hear from you!
Mizui~~

Hmm... I'm on the fence about reading it. It seems so... angsty...

Oh, the reason behind my reluctance is the fact that I... have a rather strong hate of all things angst. How would you categorize it? How much angst does your story have?

Knight of Disorder wrote:
Hmm... I'm on the fence about reading it. It seems so... angsty...

Oh, the reason behind my reluctance is the fact that I... have a rather strong hate of all things angst. How would you categorize it? How much angst does your story have?

I just skimmed it, but noticed that the end of the third chapter seems to have some sort of explicit, non-consensual sexual content... and I should also point out to ALL that this story is rated MA. NO YIMs, please!!

Dunno if that helps, but... yeah... I'm thinking it's probably pretty angsty.

~~Wiccan~~

WiccanMethuselah wrote:
I just skimmed it, but noticed that the end of the third chapter seems to have some sort of explicit, non-consensual sexual content... and I should also point out to ALL that this story is rated MA. NO YIMs, please!!

Dunno if that helps, but... yeah... I'm thinking it's probably pretty angsty.

~~Wiccan~~

Thanks for the heads up, I might wait and just see what other people think. Then again, it seems there are a lot of people who love sob fests...

God I'm being horrible today, again thanks.

Knight of Disorder wrote:
Thanks for the heads up, I might wait and just see what other people think. Then again, it seems there are a lot of people who love sob fests...

God I'm being horrible today, again thanks.

No problemo... I tend to shy away from some of the angsty stuff myself, when I can. And you're not being horrible, you're being... realistic? Yes, some do love the 'sob-fests' - it serves its purpose on occasion, especially with the female population. Not my cuppa, but there you have it!

~~me~~

On a scale of one to angsty I'd rate it Patricia Briggs.

I don't know if that makes sense to you, if you're familiar with the Mercedes Thompson novels by her than it will (If you're not familiar, I highly recommend them) but I have very loosely molded Kagome in my head into the kind of strong female lead you can find in Briggs's books.

Yes It is definitely rated MA (which I did mention before.. )

Otherwise I can't say how agnsty it is, because I'm not familiar enough with the term to intentionally put it to use.

Anyway Dianne my beta might be more useful on an angst rating, I'll ask her.

Edit: She says high end angst especially with the content in chapter three, a 15 of 20. I'd say things get better from here, but not quite.. two more chapters maybe, or three.. We'll see.

Knight of Disorder wrote:
Hmm... I'm on the fence about reading it. It seems so... angsty...

Oh, the reason behind my reluctance is the fact that I... have a rather strong hate of all things angst. How would you categorize it? How much angst does your story have?

My thought on the matter here is that I've gotta really knock Kagome down if I want to grow her in to the character she will be in the end. I'd categorize it as kind of a bildungsroman. but she gets a rocky start. So I can't blame you if you want to steer clear.

I wanted to apologize if I happened to offend anyone with my comments earlier. It happens from time to time and was not intentional.

As for whether or not I'll read it, I have a couple stories I'm working my way into reading so it'll take a seat somewhere in line.

I'm certainly not offended. If it's not a plot you'll enjoy then what's the point in reading it, right? so even if you don't get around to it I won't mind. Even having it pointed out to me that it's angsty was helpful, I'll be mindful of the fact from now on..

So, I'm eight chapters in to this story now, and I'm getting so close to meeting Sesshoumaru in this story, I'm really nervous about how to portray him, I've never written about him or with him in a story before... does anyone have any general tips? Of course I will have to mold him to fit my story, but I don't want to completely lose the character we all know and love because I was too worried about smooshing him into the role he will play in my story.

So please, please, if you have any tips share them with me! I'm dying to know anything you have to share!

Thanks!

~Mizui

Well is really depends on the context of your story. I tend to stereo-type Sesshy on part because of how he's portrayed generally in fanfiction, how he's sorta based in the anime/manga, and how I would assume a person like him would act.

I tend to follow the canon line for starters since there are indicators of what Sesshy's background is like:

1. His dad is a general and his mother wears lavish kimono versus a sack which means that Sesshy is likely some sort of nobility


2. Sesshy is always dressed in sparkly white kimono so he's obviously wealthy


3. Jaken calls him the equivalent of 'Sama' or 'Lord' so he has a noble's title and probably lands, resources, a castle and servants galore to boot


4. And generally Sesshy is arrogant.

So yah based on that I tend to portray him as a stuck-up, wealthy and arrogant snob that'll look down his nose at you. I also assume that he's likely had the best tutor's that money could buy so he's literate, well educated, and likely knows stuff about humans but thinks them akin to slugs, rats, and roaches with the exception of Rin.

I assume that Sesshy would tolerate Rin but he'd be more likely to eviscerate general humans or leave his bootprints on their faces.

I also assume that Sesshy finds Inuyasha more annoying, like a flea, than in actually outright loathing his very existence.

My version of Sesshy will fight Inuyasha, kick him, and slap him around but won't really outright kill him. He needs someone to annoy, to argue with, and mostly to entertain himself. Typical big brother, my Sesshy goes and bugs the baby-brother when he's bored, wreaks havoc, stabs things, snarls, goes red-eyed, and acts like a haughty hypocritical jerk while he does it too. To soften that arrogance, since we know that Sesshy is a swordsman, I assume that he has a stringent code of personal honour, likely influenced from is dad, mother, and tutors. Plus with him being obviously youkai noble-class he likely has had manners and etiquette lessons drilled into him from birth.

If he uses those manners it's up to him really, I tend to portray him as patient with Rin, impatient with Inuyasha, and tolerant if frank with Kagome.

But the flavour of Sesshy's personality really depends on each individual author and their own perceptions of him.

This is how I perceive him to be, a bulldog that'll let you pet him if he likes you otherwise your the new chewtoy if he doesn't.

~ Pyre

ah! Thanks so much, even just an outline will be so useful, I was worried I would forget things just trying to draw on memory of the show and book and other people's stories!

Really, really thank you for your help!

Np lol you're welcome. I just tend to base Sesshy on the most obvious things and make educated guesses. Say he walks around in silk clothes, probably a normality of the Feudal era for nobles or the highborn, so I interpret him as the equivalent of a youkai-noble class, likely very high in caste-status if you go by some of the stereotypical social hierarchies.

Plus he walks around with minimal armour save the breast-plate thing that he wears, so it's obvious that he's fairly confident of his skill, since he needs very little protection, just enough to safe-guard his chest, heart, ribs, kidneys and stuff but leaving his head, legs, and arms free.

Which would be very unusual, since in most cultures that used some form of armaments they had either full armour, or armour broken into parts like cuirass/breastplate, lames, skirts of chainmail/plates, woven or ceramic tile, boiled leather, and so on. Sesshy just wears the breastplate and that's it.

He also has two swords and not one each time, Tokijin and Tenseiga, and later on Tenseiga and Bakusaiga, so he's a very skilled swordsman and a warrior too. Whether or not he has his dad's battle experience is open for debate though, I dunno, I never watched the anime and barely read the manga, so I tend to further assume that he might not have led armies but he likely has battle experience but is still a bit of a greenhorn if a very skilled one.

I do find it interesting though of how immaculate Sesshy always is. If he fights that much he should be dirtier, have shredded robes, and tangled hair but he always looks so perfect. It might just be Rumiko Takahashi's way of arting him I think, it's anime but not meant to be too literal but just enough to be believable. Either that or Jaken is his hairdresser, pocket-tailor, armourer, and seamstress >.> now that would come in handy.

But like I posted afore it really depends on your interpretations of Sesshy. How I see him will be different from how you see him so just go with what you feel is right for you. He's a fairly malleable character to mould into whatever you need or want him to be. Just remember the arrogance XD. It's not Sesshy unless he's somewhat snarky like a pale-haired Snape but less oily.

~ Pyre