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BlackBirdBasilica (Chapter 14) - Thu 09 Dec 2010

please please please write more cause this is soooooooo goood i am in love with your writing soo please update soon C:


SexyMikoK (Chapter 14) - Thu 09 Dec 2010

Hi. I love your story by the way. And i like the idea of what you did. Just it didnt make complete sense to me. At the beginning you said Kagome didnt get there in time, but in the middle we see she gets there in plenty of time, so it doesnt fit as good as it could have. but anyways. I like!!! and I cant wait for the update.


Leah (Chapter 14) - Mon 06 Dec 2010

Thanks! This is a great story. I just started reading it yesterday, and it is like a way better version of "the Bachelor." It is hilarious and very romantic. Post again soon!!!!!! Let me know if you need any beta help. Your chapters look very nice for plot and typos. There are some vocab errors (like wary vs weary, etc.) if you want some help, let me know what format you like input. Absolutely doesn't detract from the story at all, and only sparse spell checker errors really. Great job, nice new idea. I hope you keep up the good work! Seriously, post soon. 


NA (Chapter 14) - Mon 29 Nov 2010

PLEASE UPDATE!!!!! THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST- NO, THIS IS THE BEST STORY I HAVE EVER READ. YOU'RE AMAZING!!!!!!!!


NeoQueenBee (Chapter 14) - Mon 29 Nov 2010

AMAZING!!! I am such a fan of your story. The depth of character you have given both Kagome and Seshomaru is refreshing. I love the complications offsetting the two and the plot is amazingly clever in an understated way. I do, however, have one question/critic. Since Kagome is portrayed and is a loving sympathetic creature, wouldn't it be natural for her to be more distraught over the fact that her kit Shippo is not with her while she is in this new predicament. I think it would add some appeal as well as some much needed humor to the story if he were around to cause trouble with Rin. Not to mention the possibilities for run ins and potential parenting discussions between Kagome and Sesshomaru are endless! It is just a suggestion but it really has bothered me while reading, I keep waiting for her to request that the Lord Sesshomaru allow her to fetch HER ward. But overall hun, the plot and characters are awesome, your development and creativity are astounding. 


Lauren (Chapter 12) - Sun 28 Nov 2010

I think that this is my favorite chapter so far. It has a couple of sweet moments, some flirting and Kagome's once again proven herself. She's reacted normally to Sesshomaru's prodding and has passed another one of his subconcious tests.

I don't like Ryo. She's too self-assured and clingy. I hope she and one of Kagome's friends are sent home soon. I think there will be a slight change in the dynamic soon. Whether that'll be an attack and capture by the void youkai, a shuffling of the potential brides (how many are left, anyway? Sesshomaru's done more elliminations than you've written about), a mixture or something else entirely, something's going to happen in the next couple of chapters. I'm sure of it. I just hope that Miroku, Shippo and Koga make ann appearence by then. All this talk about Kagome's friends and her homesick-ish reflections are making me long for some more interaction.

*continues to read*
~Animefreak242
aka
Kawaii Girl


Lauren (Chapter 10) - Sun 28 Nov 2010

Great chapter! The kimono Kagome was given seems more reminiscent of the stiff collared style of kimono worn in the 1930's and '40's. It sounded beautiful. ^^ I like that Kagome and Sesshomaru were given some time to converse and they spoke casually, Sesshomaru learning about Kagome and her life before Inuyasha's/his recruitment.

The first person narration seemed a bit off, but maybe I'm rusty (I hate to use first-person perspective unless absolutely necessary. It requires you to think about what your saying, rather than just writing).

In any case, these last couple of chapters have been very fun, well-written and they're becoming more informative. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it)!
~Animefreak242
aka
Kawaii Girl


KyonKyon01 (Chapter 14) - Tue 23 Nov 2010

I've really been enjoying this story :)  I think the concept is fresh and original.  It's interesting to see how Kagome would turn out if she had lived in the same kind of environment and had the same kind of training that Kikyo did.  I know Kikyo doesn't have anything to do with your story (not yet at anyrate) but I like it because you've put Kagome on the same playing field as her  We can really compare the two characters and it's neat to see how Kagome would have turned out if she had lived when Kikyo did.  She has the grace and prowess of Kikyo, but she still has her own Kagome spark and individuality.  You get to really see what their similarities and what their differences really would have been like.  It makes kagome stand out as and individual, imo.  Anyways, it's not the main point of your story, but I couldn't help but have fun drawing parallels and comparisions.  I think you've done a very good job writing her. 

I really liked your first few chapters in particular.  When the lack of dialogue thing came up, it seems like maybe it rattled your confidence a bit.  luckily it seems like you bounced back and kept writing strong.  It's important to listen to feedback because it can help give you ideas or fix some things you didn't notice.  But stick true to yourself too.  You're doing a really good job, so I hope you have confidence in the story you want to tell.  I know I've really enjoyed reading it.  Speaking of feedback, I think it was a good move to have Ryo step up as a contender.  So far Kagome hasn't had much competition, Sesshoumaru has paid the most attention to her.  (I really like their interactions, there's a lot of good chemistry there, btw).  But bringing out Kag's competative side is fun.  Having her come riding up on her steed was pretty darn cool :)  I think you bring in a lot of exciting elements into your writing.  Jealousy, defiance, chemistry, action, romance.  You're doing good!  I hope Kagome, as smitten as she is, still give Sesshoumaru a challenge.  It's part of what made your beginning chapters so exciting.  Don't make it too easy on them, lol.  Let her give him a run for his money, hehe (and vice versa).  Thank you for updating and keep up the good work!    


Silverwing (Chapter 14) - Sat 20 Nov 2010

This was a really cool chapter and I really liked the time-jump thing! Totally worked! Your story is SO good! I love it and the way that you portray Sesshoumaru seems so right! Kagome is also a very satisfying character because you give her depth by allowing her to both appreciate her feminie side and her inner strength and skill. I love the multiple layers that you allow her to possess. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this story. I cannot wait to see what happens next and how actually battling with Kagome will change Sesshoumaru's opinion of her!


Rei (Chapter 14) - Sat 20 Nov 2010

Thanks for writing! The beginning was great, but I couldn't figure out when or if it connected to what happens 'Earlier'. Appreciate if you can clarify this. Anyhow, this is definitely getting even better! Really looking forward to another chapter! Jaa, mata ne!


Hoshi Phoenix (Chapter 14) - Wed 17 Nov 2010

Amazing chapter Moxy! I loved the battle scene and Sesshoumaru getting a little jealous over Kagome and Inuyasha fighting together. lol Can't wait to read what happens next! :)


Sandreline Moon (Chapter 14) - Mon 15 Nov 2010

Yay! You took my idea to have Kagome show how much she kicks evil butt!  *dances*

LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can't wait for more - this is one of my favorite stories!!!!

~Sandreline


InuLover (Chapter 14) - Mon 15 Nov 2010

I know I haven't reviewed much on this fic, and I apologize for that.  So, that being said, I felt I needed to review on this last chapter.  Way to go!!  This chapter had my blood racing, and had me sitting up and on the edge of my seat.  I actually felt like I was there, witnessing everything that was happening.  I've read a lot of stories with battle scenes, and this was the best yet! From Sesshomaru's emotions to Rin's predictament (which actually had me yelling, "Go back, you stupid girl!", kinda like Jaken does, you know?), then to Inuyasha's rescuing of the girls,**huge sigh**.

Also, I liked the flashback although I was a little confused when the beginning paragraphs didn't appear in the flashback.  But, as far as I'm concerned it did not take away from the awesomeness of this chapter.  Great job!!  And, I can't wait for an update!  :D


GreyEcho (Chapter 14) - Mon 15 Nov 2010

The last two chapters were great! And I like the developement between them. :D

I can't wait to see what happens next. And the time warp thing wasn't a bad thing.


L-desu (Chapter 14) - Sun 14 Nov 2010

this was an awesome battle scene.  the suspense, the details, the emotions you managed to inflict...  loved it!  can't wait to see the aftermath of everything. =)


Dana Daidouji (Chapter 14) - Sun 14 Nov 2010

This was an excellent chapter! I hope you don't take too long to update :)


NightQueen (Chapter 14) - Sat 13 Nov 2010

OMG!!! Simply AWESOME!!!! I absolutely love Kagome as a warrior! Amazing writing this story gets better with every chapter you write.  I liked being dropped into the action it drew me in quick and kept me on the edge of my seat! I also loved watvhing the brothers working like a team togther. It was also terrific to see Sesshoumaru going through so many emotions working out his feeling for Kagome.  Hmm, I wonder when the Jewel will come into play! Lord I love this fic!


snowbird (Chapter 14) - Sat 13 Nov 2010

No, it was not confusing.  I liked the way you built the suspense and the battle description was very riveting.  Rin should be taught to never endanger herself or cause someone else to be endangered due to such a stupid stunt.  I know she wanted to be near Sesshoumaru but she needs to learn that if he's in the middle of a battle, that's the last place she should be.  Maybe Ryo is not as selfish and spoiled as she lets on.


Kari Konoko (Chapter 14) - Sat 13 Nov 2010

This was a good attempt at trying a new  style, and it is a good idea. However, you have a flaw in the execution. The situation at beginning never happens in this fight. The first scene is Kagome trying to protect Rin from an incoming attack where as the closest you get in this chapter at least is her proecting Ryo and Rin, breaking the connection, because thre was no emphasis or indication of Ryo being there in the first scene, and there was emphasis in the second that she was. So unless your initial scene is not apart of this chapter and will take place later...which may make it a bit confusng if it shows up later...the break doesn't quite work. Cudos to you for trying though, and I am sure it will work out. Aside from that, as usual you gave us a wonderful that was well written.

 

Kari

 

 


hopuchan (Chapter 14) - Sat 13 Nov 2010

that was soooo exciting!!! i think the technique worked like a charm. 


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