Well, having read your A/N, I understand why this is in the condition it is in. You were writing too fast and needed to get busy studying. At least you have your priorites straight: write for us and THEN study! LOL. But these errors were egregious and such things drive me crazy, as I am anal retentive. Please don't be offended. I wouldn't have taken the time to do this if you weren't such a good writer and if this wasn't such a good story.
He stopped when he spied a bag laying under Kagome's side of the bed, pushed way up against the wall, beneath the headboard; as if she were trying to hid it from him.
Sesshomaru sat down on the bed; feeling as though the floor had fallen away and that the walls had closed in on him.
"Tell you what?" Kagome asked, not believing that he could have found out about the babe yet.
Sesshomaru took a step aside and she saw the stuff from the pharmacy laying on the bed.
"No, Kagome I..." Sesshomaru was cut off at her cry.
"I do want this, Kagome. I really do.
"Damn it, Kagome, I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."
My appointment's today and he is the best."
With each word out of her mouth his face darkened and his eyes? caught fire.
When she was [quite] quiet once more
"Sesshomaru it's..."
Sesshomaru gentled the kiss and then broke [form] from her,
Sesshomaru raised a shaking hand to his mouth and took a breath.
Folding up her clothes, she
"I am going to examine your breasts for any lumps or disfigurations that could signal a
Kagome didn't breathe.
Healthy breasts are important not just for the babe but [as] also for you as well.
So let's make sure
fiance's should be fiances as it is plural, not possessive.
Honestly, he did care that he touched the sequestered parts of women every day. Don't you mean didn't?
Naraku slipped the glove on and rested his other hand? on her belly.
and scribbled something else
Sesshomaru helped Kagome off the table and handed her her clothes.
Just a look [form] from him could do that to her and now? that he[r] was riled and giving her those looks
Taking in all her curves hidden behind her clothes.
Just do a search/replace finding cloths and making it clothes.
He softer as she did what he asked of her. There's a word missing here.
"Take [is] it off!"
she smirked softly at the evidence of what her little teaser was doing to him.
Then[,] she started on his tie and then tossed [is] it to some corner of the
naked [torso's] torsos together
Suddenly he set her [form] from him
before she [slide] slid her tightening fist up
Kagome [hallowed] hollowed
When he finally [designed] deigned
He [slide] slid his hands
The [tortuous] torturous muscle You may wish to change tortuous to torturous. From Dictionary.com: Torturous refers specifically to what involves or causes pain or suffering: prisoners working in the torturous heat; torturous memories of past injustice. Some speakers and writers use torturous for tortuous, especially in the senses “twisting, winding” and “convoluted”: a torturous road; torturous descriptions. Others, however, keep the two adjectives (and their corresponding adverbs) separate in all senses: a tortuous (twisting) road; tortuous (convoluted) descriptions; torturous (painful) treatments.
dragging out her orgasm and pushing up of another. Huh? What did he do?
and her legs wrapping tightly around his ?waist?.
and [makeing] making her body [wither] writhe and quiver Sorry, pet peeve. Wither is what leaves and flowers do when they die. Writhe is what Kagome does when she's....
Sesshomaru moved his weight from
making [over] love to her
he would most [defiantly] definitely not get Kagome
many of [which] whom would tear
Wow, pregnancy is strangely sexy for this version of Kagome. Awesome writing! And now I'm wondering about Naraku, errr, Dr. Onigumo. Maybe he will be a good doctor, or maybe his interest in Kagome will become a problem... I can't wait to find out which it will be!
This story gives me multiple personality disorder, because part of me thinks Sesshomaru is all on board for Kagome and even a baby, while a little voice whispers in my ear "I'm not so sure about that". I can't even put my finger on it. There was one little sentence a chapter or two ago, and now I don't quite trust the guy, no matter how nice he seems. I'm afraid he's going to let her down... PS: HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS STORY?
Saholia (Chapter 16) - Mon 16 Nov 2009
awesome!!! I like where this is going I just wish she would of told him already... :D
Saholia (Chapter 15) - Thu 12 Nov 2009
Very interesting story so far! I'm a bit sad for Kagome that Sesshomaru hasn't returned her feelings verbally. I mean, I know he does have feelings for her, but he hasn't said it.
katlady (Chapter 15) - Wed 11 Nov 2009
really good story..your doing a great job you might want to fix chapter 15 though the sentences are streached across the screen if your useing html you might want to remobe the "BR" it might help
update soon
MoMo (Chapter 15) - Tue 10 Nov 2009
love the story cant wait for the next chapter but um...whats up with the format???
hey, is it just me, or is this chapter formatted weird? I can't read it.
stars (Chapter 14) - Sat 17 Oct 2009
please updata
My, my my... I will have you know I am most certainally pleasantly surprised at how this story has progressed. I am enjoying myself immensely, and and hopeing you will update soon. Kudos!
Inumaru_Rapture
Onliime (Chapter 2) - Fri 16 Oct 2009
Good story so far the only thing really wrong is that 500 yen is only about $5 so thats some pretty cheap rent.
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