roberta. (Chapter 5) - Sun 19 Mar 2017

Its a good story hopefully you finish it.


Sessygurl (Chapter 5) - Sun 19 Mar 2017

Excellent job. Thank for the update. Poor Sesshoumaru, will she fall for him in this time as well?


candy (Chapter 5) - Sat 18 Mar 2017

Keep updating please!!!! This story is so getting good!!!!


Annonimus (Chapter 4) - Wed 15 Mar 2017

This s all my fault.! I fucked up this chapter and i am sorry ok!? I wouldn't had done it if i knew it will cost me the friendship and trust of you Khat I really am sorry!  And do not upload chapter 5 I'll rewrite it before sending it to you!


Natalia (Chapter 4) - Wed 15 Mar 2017

Oh god! I found another part that was taken from yet another fic. This time from The Unknown Warrior by rinseternalsoul (see here http://www.dokuga.com/fanfiction/story/377/6, the part of the almost rape). I think that taking parts from other fics (without their explicit permission, and even in that case I find it questionable) and adding some text doesn't make for an original fic (it's almost copy-paste). I'm tempted to review all of it to see if I find text from other fics. I think you should take it down.


Natalia (Chapter 4) - Wed 15 Mar 2017

Well, I was kind of liking this until this chapter. Did you ask permission from Vyncent to use that chunck of text  from her "Unworthy One" fic in the dream part? If so, keep going. If not, that's wrong and a big NO NO from me. For those who want to check it see here: http://www.dokuga.com/fanfiction/story/40/6

 

 


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 3) - Thu 09 Mar 2017

Okay, you fooled us. I never would have guessed the stranger that asked the question "Is this seat taken" would turn out to be Hojo. That was a funny surprise.

I think you had someone help you with chapters one and two, which was nice. Maybe that person could help you along the way and also edit chapter three. Your story is going in the right direction buy your characters could use a little fleshing out to draw out their emotions, feelings and thoughts. 

Another thing, when there is one male he is a man but if there is more than one male such as two of more males then they are a group of men. The same goes for females,  if there is one female then she is a woman and if tere is more than two or more females then they are a group of women. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. I am not good at expressing things such as nouns, adgetives, pronouns and other things concerning grammar.

You are getting better and will get even better as you continue writing this lovely story. Good luck and great job. I am looking forward to reading more chapters soon.


KShadeslady (Chapter 3) - Thu 09 Mar 2017

So is Hojo getting married? Or is he planning a wedding for someone? Guys don't usually pick the flowers. Guess I'm still a little confused with some of the background story. Usually when you are writing a conversation, you will start a new line as each person speaks. Dont forget to use quotation marks at the beginning and end of each spoken line or dialogue. So I'm guessing the guy at the bar is Sessh? Loooking forward to your next chapter. 


Sessygurl (Chapter 3) - Thu 09 Mar 2017

I love where this story is going. However, It was kind of confusing when different people were talking. Perhaps use s different font. Other than that I cannot wait to see what happens at the interview.


candy (Chapter 3) - Thu 09 Mar 2017

Other than the missed spelled words in all three chapters it's good. Keep up the good work can't wait for more.


Anna Grey (Chapter 2) - Sun 05 Mar 2017

Personally, the 2nd chapter is more well-written, the first one is a little bit too rush. I'm not good with words, but I've read a lot of fanfic so far, so I think maybe you should put some of the characters' thoughts or emotions, rather than ony telling how the story goes.

Can't wait for your next updates :))))) 


KShadeslady (Chapter 2) - Sat 04 Mar 2017

I was a bit confused by the way you approached the second chapter. I understand you wanted us to know what had happened to everyone after the battle with Naraku. The explanations are a bit choppy. There are still a lot of grammar and spelling errors. As one of your reviewers mentioned, writing in English can be very difficult if it is not your first language. But as you write more and more, you will get better. Also, I suggest you find a few stories that are extremely well written. One of my favorite authors here on Dokuka is Stella Mira. English is not her first language but she went to university in the U.K. and she can spin a tale and write like no one else I know. Her stories are a little dark and they may make you blush or run for a dictionary to look up a word but you might learn how to better craft your stories. Writing is hard work as I think you are discovering. So keep writing and editing. I too feel that the mystery person is Sesshomaru. Cheers. 


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 2) - Fri 03 Mar 2017

This second chapter was slightly confusing but I enjoyed reading it. Your writing is getting much better and I am glad of that. I think the person that Kagome is talking about in her letter to Inuyasha is Sesshomaru and Sessho is not aware of this yet because he cannot pick up his own scent on the letter left in the well. All he smells is another male with cologne on and his beast is admonishing him for being a baka. I could be wrong but that is my opinion.

Looking forward to your next chapter. Great job!!


demon13o (Chapter 2) - Fri 03 Mar 2017

Interesting first two chapters, a tad bit short, but pretty good so far. Love to see how this grows.


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 1) - Fri 24 Feb 2017

I re-read your story over again and it so much better than the first one posted. There are still just a few grammar and misspells but it is a whole lot better. I enjoyed reading it and you have caught my interest. You have done very well. I will enjoy reading further chapters and will be looking forward to them. Great job!


KShadeslady (Chapter 1) - Wed 22 Feb 2017

Very nice start for your first fic. Work on your spelling and grammar and you will have a good start to writing. Good luck. 


Sessygurl (Chapter 1) - Tue 21 Feb 2017

I wonder who the newcomer is? Poor Kagome. She definately needs someone.


Mutnodjmet (Chapter 1) - Tue 21 Feb 2017

Hello. What I am about to say is a constructive critique. I think your idea is a nice one and I would love to read more but your story needs a cleanup. There are numerous spelling and grammar errors also some other errors. I think you will need a beta to help you along. I am not flaming you or anything like that. If you are not familiar with the American english language, writing in that language can be a little daunting. But I think you may do well in your writing once you get the hang of it.

Good luck and don't give up. Keep it going. I would like to see this story flesh out because Sesshomaru and Kagome are my favored pairing. Good start otherwise.


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