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His Waiting by Miss Mamiko

Her

Time seemed an illusion to me. As if...I simply couldn't grasp it. Never to grow old, to never experience the joy of dying happy. So...I would forever be the demon that wandered the land. I liked no one and nothing; I didn't want to like anything or anyone. To like something, was to eventually let them feel pain for what you are feeling. I didn't want that to happen. That's why I acted cold. No one could ever love someone as cold and heartless as I am. No one.

I amused myself day in and day out with the company of two. The toad was annoying sometimes, but other then that, he was very helpful. I never told him this. I was afraid he would slack off and not do his job if he knew I admired him most of the time. But, the little midnight-haired girl was something that was rather fascinating. How she could stand all pain and still smile. She could laugh and truly mean it. She could run, skip, be happy and not be afraid of my wrath that I could send upon her. She was truly a fascinating creature. I believe that's why I revived her with the Tensaiga. And that's when she joined my company and made me a bit happier on the inside.

Though, something poked and prodded at me on the inside. It said I wasn't truly happy with all this. I yearned for more. I begged for more. I needed more. But what I needed more of, I didn't know. It seemed to be a something that eclipsed my mind. Like a dark shadow that followed me. Full of life, but I could never grasp it within my fingers. It would slip from my grasp when I came close to knowing what it was. And then one day, I found out about it. I found what I yearned for. What I begged for. What I needed. It was her.

Yes, the woman that followed dimwitted half-brother. I can't say she was ugly for she was undoubtedly beautiful and precise in every way. How the raven hair would curve with her delicate face and then float gently and caress her back. How the hazel eyes of hers brimmed with happiness everywhere she looked. She loved everything. She understood everyone. She hated only a few things. She was the perfect woman. Her voice was soft and gentle. She was kind to everything and everyone. And, she was loyal. She stuck next to my half-brother's side through good times and bad times.

Her scent was something I could never let go of. She had a wonderful scent. One to drive any man crazy. It nagged on my, telling me to go forth and embrace her. But, I controlled that emotion. I was able to, even if I wished to touch her. To feel the smooth skin beneath my fingers. To feel her breath upon my body. To feel her body against my own.

I wanted to be there for her when she needed someone. It tore me to pieces to watch her suffer in pain as she watched my half-brother be with Kikyou. I wanted to rip him apart and embrace her. To tell her everything was all right. To tell her that I needed her, that I wanted to be with her. But most of all, I wanted her to feel the same way about me. I wanted her to want me embrace her. I wanted her to enjoy the pleasure of my body against hers. But most of all, I wanted her to be happy.

I can remember how the two will fight. How she might be gone a day extra. How he will shout things at her. She tried to reason with him, to make him understand why she was gone for an extra day. But, he will never listen. But, I didn't realize how much not seeing her brought sorrow and pain to me. As her frail frame disappeared into the well, I would begin to long for her even more then I did when she was around. That was why when she was gone; I always longed to have time alone. To just stay a distance until a saw her form move back towards the nearby village. To inhale her wonderful scent again. To let it relax my mind.

But, it puzzled me when in her scent, mixed with smell of blood. I watched her for a whole day to learn why she smelt of blood. She had no cuts, no scrapes, no anything I could believe that caused bleeding. It was...disturbing. It made me uncomfortable. What if something had happened to her? I wouldn't be able to know. The well only allowed two people; her and Inuyasha. And, I would never have learned exactly why if I had not summoned up enough courage to sneak into the hut during the night. To rummage through her bag to find what I was looking for. The key to my answers. A book was the key to my answer. I detested reading such a book, feeling I would invade her privacy. I felt as if her body was hers, not mine to worry over day after day. But, I couldn't control it. I had to know. And I did find out.

Her bleeding was natural of a growing woman. I felt was embarrassed for looking into something that was not to worry about. I was still concerned of course, but this was not something to worry about that much. There was nothing to worry about with her. She was a woman that could take care of herself. Her pride would not allow her to fail.

I remembered one night, I watched her in the hot spring. How I wanted to claim her then, I wanted to make her mine. Say she was mine and that I would never let her go. I wanted to tell her I had always loved her. And, I wanted her to say she had always loved me. This was a small fantasy I knew that well. But, it pained me to know she didn't know my true feelings for her. That she merely thought I was a cold-hearted jerk. I believe, that could describe me perfectly well of how I act.

I told her, I wanted to kill Inuyasha. I do, but in the process, I had almost killed her. Her scent was mixed in with another male's that day. Other then the pervert, kitsune, and my half-brother she hung around with. It infuriated me. To think that another man had claimed her as his own. I think, my anger was too great that day. I relied on the help of the demon Naraku. I wanted to get her back, to make her feel the pain I was feeling. I never truly wanted to kill her; my mind knew that for a fact. It was my body that refused to let it go. I was about to kill her; my mind screaming put to stop. Begging and crying on the inside to stop. I knew I didn't want her to leave this world. I knew once I got close enough. The scent of the other male was not strong. Just enough for a mere hug or friendly kiss on the cheek. That's when I let my half-brother win.

I backed away from her from then. I refused to be near her again. Her scent almost driving me to kill her. But, I was pulled close too her again. Again to smell her wonderful scent. It was when my brother turned demon. I believed that he would be alone. That it would be my chance to finally kill him. To rid him of this world. But she was there. She hugged his unconscious body and begged me not to kill him. I couldn't resist her eyes. They had begun to whelm with tears. I couldn't stand it. So, I told a lie. That I wasn't here to kill him, but to merely observe him. To see his true demon nature. Once they left, I felt bad for lying to her. But, it seemed to make her happier. I decided this lie turned out for the better.

Now, she seems happier then before. Her heart seems lighter. I smile on the inside. It's good to see her smile. To see her lovely face lit with happiness. To see her body in better shape. Her scent stills flows in my body, yearning to take her. But for now, she is better left untouched by me. To not know my true feelings for her. She will not know because I will not tell her. I will not tell anyone that I love her. I will let her blossom even more into a lovely flower. I want her to be even lovelier before I claim her as mine. And, for now I remain a cold, heartless demon that has fallen in love with a raven-haired human.

INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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