Remembering Loss by Lady Katherine Of The Vampires

Painful memories

This is my December

This is my time of the year

This is my December

This is all so clear

This is my December

This is my snow covered home

This is my December

This is me alone

Sesshomaru drove up his long snow covered driveway towards the large mansion. A few tears slid down his cheek from his tired golden eyes. Snow flakes fell from the white sky onto his head and shoulders. He looked up at the sky with great sorrow as it continued to snow. How he loathed December.

Sesshomaru had made a few mistakes in his life but none as great as the one he made one year ago. One year ago he made the biggest mistake of his life. He would never forget that night. He'd never forget her tears. He'd never forget the words he'd said to her.

With pain in his heart he continued up the steps towards the door. He sighed in sadness as he reached into his pocket and pooled out his keys. He unlocked the door and stepped into the warm but empty house. Their scents had long since faded and now only existed within his memories. He'd remember them for an eternity.

And I

Just wish that

I didn't feel

Like there was

Something I missed

And I

Take back all

The things I said

To make you

Feel like that

And I

Just wish that

I didn't feel

Like there was

Something I missed

And I

Take back all the

Things I said to you

He thought back to the words he'd said that one cold December night. The harshness of those words and the way they affected her. It was clear they hurt her inside but at the time he didn't care.

"Sesshomaru what's your problem?!" Yelled Kagome as she followed him into his office; it had been a long day and he wanted nothing more than to relax.

"Leave me be" He stated as he pinched the bridge of his nose

Kagome glared at him "Not until you tell me what your issue is! You've been acting like a jerk a week!" She yelled

"I know not what you speak of woman" He growled

"You come home and you boss around everyone! You're rude to the children and above all you're a complete ass to me!" Her voice held a deep anger and he knew she spoke the truth "I love you Sesshomaru" She said

"This Sesshomaru does not need your foolish love" He didn't look at her as he spoke "I need not anyone"

Kagome sighed with sadness her frail heart cracking "Then I guess you don't need me"

Sesshomaru already angry replied "I need no one! Especially not a worthless human female like you!"

Her heart broke; she turned and left the room with tears in her eyes. Sesshomaru knew the words he spoke were false. He loved her more than he thought was possible. He could hear her gathering the children and the rustling of their winter jackets. 'She'll come back' he thought.

And I give it all away

Just to have somewhere

To go to

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to

A few more tears slipped through his eyes as he continued to remember the fateful night.

He grabbed his car keys and drove away from the house figuring she'd be back by the time he returned. He drove into town for groceries as Kagome had requested he do so earlier that morning. The store parking lot was full of people who busy shopping with Christmas only a few weeks away. Though Kagome and him had done that months ago. He had the perfect gift for her, a ring.

Sesshomaru exited his car and walked to the store entrance. As he entered the warm store he retrieved a cart and went on to shopping. He thought back on what Kagome asked him to buy. He knew she had written him a list but he had forgotten it and left it on the fridge. He sighed at his foolishness and did the best he could to remember the numerous things. He found he did remember most of them he wasn't sure if it was all of them. He stalked up and down the store isles in search of what he needed. After about a half an hour later he brought his cart to the check out. He then placed the groceries into his car and left to return home.

As he left the parking lot he turned on the radio. "Be careful driving out there the roads ARE icy"

This is my December

These are my snow-covered trees

This is me pretending

This is all I need

The sun was nearly gone for the day and it got darker and darker. Sesshomaru could see clearly because his heightened senses well that and his headlight. He drove carefully down the empty street. The snow covered ground reflected light and the reflected light made the snow covered trees look magnificent. He didn't pay much attention to the beauty as he concentrated on the road.

After about 15 minutes more of driving than usual the mansion became visible. He noticed no light were on so Kagome hadn't returned home. He assumed she'd stayed at her mothers. He pulled up the driveway and grabbed the groceries from the trunk. He set the groceries down in the kitchen and put his key away before returning to do the same with the groceries.

And I

Just wish that

I didn't feel

Like there was

Something I missed

And I

Take back all

The things I said

To make you feel like that

And I

Just wish that

I didn't feel

Like there was

Something I missed

And I

Take back all the things

I said to you

Sesshomaru walked to his study not noticing the flashing of the answering machine. He sat down at his desk and began to work. He owned one of the most profitable and biggest companies in all of Japan, Taisho Corp. He inherited from his father who passed many years ago. He ran the company smoothly and all was well within it. His younger half sibling was the vice president.

An hour later he had completed much of the financial and business issues. He checked the clock and it read 10:00 he decided he'd go to the kitchen for a quick snack before going off to bed. He poured himself a glass of water and searched the pantry. As he was snacking on a granola bar he noticed the red flashing light. He pushed the play button and received the worst message of his life. He grabbed his keys and rushed out of the house leaving his half eaten granola bar behind.

And I give it all away

Just to have

Somewhere to go to

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to

"Who are you?" Asked the hospital receptionist

"Sesshomaru Taisho" He told her

The look in her eyes terrified him "Where are they?!" He growled

"They were rushed to the emergency room upon arrival the damage was severe. They're still in the E.R. sir please have a seat."

Sesshomaru could not sit down he paced around the room. For once in his life was terrified beyond belief. Worry was clearly visible in his normal emotionless eyes. Would they be okay? He didn't know and this terrified him. He loved them, they were his family he needed them.

About an hour later a doctor came out and the look in his eyes told Sesshomaru everything. He fell to his knees and with his head in his hands he cried.

This is my December

this is my time of the year

this is my December

this is all so clear

and I give it all away

just to have somewhere to go to

give it all away

to have someone to come home to

Tears fell from his eyes as he remembered the entire event. That night he lost his entire family. He lost his Kagome, his Rin, and his Shippo, all because of his words, his cruel harsh words. If could he'd take them all back, he'd beg for forgiveness, he'd tell her he loved her to. But alas he could not and so he cried. He cried and hoped that somewhere they heard him and they knew that he loved them and missed them.