Sitcks and Stones by moonflames

Sticks and Stones

She hated him and that was that. White, she scoffed, how the hell does he get away with it? she thought, staring at his immaculately kept form, while fruitlessly blowing her wild bangs from her eyes with a puff of frustration. Not that they would go anywhere with the very special demon gut gel, (courtesy of Sesshoumaru) that matted her hair to her forehead.

She stood off to Inuyasha's right; Miroku, Sango, Shippo and Kirara were a few feet behind her toward the tree line and all of them seemed more concerned with catching their breath than with the arrogant lord standing before them. Her gaze took in her own appearance, torn dirty uniform, cut and bloodied mud-splattered legs, gobs and gobs of demon entrails slinking down her face.

How did that song go again...? Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts.... something something she improvised.....and I don't have a spoon? She ran her hands down her uniform. Nope, no spoon here. Ok, it's official, someone post the bulletin, I have finally lost it. Once again leveling a hate filled stare upon the impeccable demon lord standing a few feet in front of her, she took an ineffectual swipe at the mass of mud and goop on her face. Damn it, if she was going to go down her little rabbit hole of insanity consisting of demon guts and spoons she might as well take him with her. It's all his fault. Prick.

Looking around she saw all her friends in various states of exhausted filthy dishevel. Who knew? she thought with a mental shrug, that such a little demon, and it was so little really at least in comparison to most demons they fought, could have an endless supply of neon green guts and demon blood. Hence how they ended up like this; muddy, slimy and downright exhausted. They had been battling that literal slime bag for hours. Although in their defense of course, it certainly did not help that the ground was still sopping wet from yesterday's torrential downpour.

It did not help that the damned little demon had a shard or two on its person. It did not help that the same little demon moved at lighting speed and took quick jabs with its razor sharp claws. It absolutely, positively did not help that aforementioned meticulous specimen of jerkhood calmly strolled into their happy little battle ground (and they were doing just fine thank you very much) while they were all sliding about and pivoting on the ground like a hoard of drunken mud wrestlers. Narrowing her eyes at him she thought, knowing him, and boy do I know him, he had probably been carefully watching the entire time waiting for that perfect moment to just saunter on in. Louse.

And with one carefully placed acid whip and what she could have sworn was an amused or malicious, depending entirely on your point of view and my current view leans toward the latter little twinkle in his eye, struck down the annoying demon in a single blow. Scattering an impressive amount of demon parts, demon blood and demon innards all over her little party with a negligent sniff. How he managed to avoid every drop of the green deluge she will never know.

"I had caught the stench of Naraku" he directed his speech to Inuyasha in his smooth as silk tone as if he had interrupted nothing more than an afternoon cup of tea, "But perhaps it was merely you." he continued in that ennui filled voice. "If you are done entertaining yourselves in the mud," he drawled shooting Kagome a veiled glance, "perhaps you can answer some questions". He's enjoying himself; I can almost see that self satisfied smug on his arrogant face. Bastard.

Everyone but her seemed dumbfounded at the sight of him. They were all standing about as if frozen in place, like cockroaches when the lights are turned on she shook her head at that unwanted mental image. Even poor Inuyasha seemed subdued, as he was not currently opening his mouth to hurl insults at his brother but instead opted to cast death glares at him through his muddy green hair. Brown and green are certainly not his colors, the inane thought popped into her head. But then he probably wouldn't want to open his mouth right now; I certainly wouldn't if I were him, she wondered if he too had detected the piece of demon I think that's an intestine balanced precariously on the edge of his lip.

Miroku, ever the voice of calm reason spoke, "Lord Sesshoumaru," he said with all the elegance a slime covered monk could possess, "if you allow us a few moments to retrieve the shards you so graciously uncovered and perhaps", he added gesturing at himself, "allow us to clean up. We can return to camp and discuss whatever it is you require"

Nice one Miroku, graciously, humph my mud covered butt, he did this on purpose I just know it! He has some questions? What a load of crap. I should write a book, Chapter one: How arrogant demon lords get their kicks. Son of a Bitch.

Shooting Sesshoumaru another gaze full of loathing she awaited his reply. Normally she knew they would not really care how filthy they were, but she was also aware that they were all so tired and dirty, they had been fighting that nasty little slime ball demon all day. The last thing any of them wanted to do at this point was go head to head with the very pompous, very spotless Inu Demon. Although I have a few choice words I would like to say to him alone after I am clean. Ugh! she thought wiping something she was sure was a piece of brain matter out of her eyes.

Wholeheartedly she agreed with Miroku's diplomatically phrased request. Reluctantly pulling her eyes that she was currently attempting to shoot daggers at Sesshoumaru with, which he was oh so conveniently avoiding, she looked around at her comrades again.

Poor Sango was leaning against Kirara, apparently her slayer outfit was not a good buffer against slime although the outfit at this time would probably make a good Slip and Slide. The hand that normally had such a steady grip on her weapon just kept sliding down no matter how valiantly Sango attempted to secure a firm hold, apparently should would not be able to throw it right now to save her life, literally.

Even little Shippo was not spared either, although he had escaped most of the green slime storm, he was liberally coated in a layer of mud and sat forlornly on Kirara's mud crusted back. What a pathetic sight we must make, she mused and almost absently noted that the mud that so splendidly adorned her person acted as a very good cohesive for the sticky goop that was now trickling down the tip of her nose. And there he stood in all his pale glory. Scumbag.

"Monk," he spoke in his carefully modulated voice, "I will not waste time", unlike you..go ahead say it! I know you want to...Kagome spitefully completed his sentence in her head..."you will answer my questions now." His white sleeves gently fluttering in the breeze.

White, he wore white of all things, he was a piece of art sculpted in the palest of colors. He was always so put together, so perfectly balanced, so beautifully constructed, it was shame really that such a work of art had the emotional capacity of a snail well maybe not always she grudgingly recalled a time or twelve that he was not nearly so stoic. But it was too bad she was not in any mood to appreciate fine art.

Especially one who did not seem to understand that it was just all kinds of wrong to wear white after Labor Day! she thought to herself with a wicked snicker. Besides, who the hell wears white, carries a sword, runs around with a little demon that reminds me of a swamp toad, and a little girl who always seemed to be covered in dirt, moss and other sundries that only kids can get in to, consistently battles demons AND never ever seems to get a bit of dirt on him? Ass.

Returning to the almost pleasant pastime of trying to bludgeon the pompous demon with a mere look she noticed that in her mostly ineffectual attempts to wipe herself off she had accumulated a rather impressive amount of demon slime and mud in her hands. Looking at the mass of disgusting goo she got an idea, Oh yes I have an idea, an awful idea, Kagome has a wonderful, awful idea. Great now I'm quoting Dr. Seuss! Just wonderful! Gee thanks Sesshoumaru. Douche bag.

Gathering a bit more of whatever it was sliding down her hair, and I definitely do not want to know she took it in her hand packing it down just a bit. Kagome Higurashi winds up for the pitch and the crowd goes wild. Knowing the demon lord well she purposely angled her impromptu baseball of slime so that when he moved to avoid it he would end up moving into it. Thank the gods for little brothers and their baseball practice.

The sweet sound of contact was the most beautiful music her ears had ever heard. The extremely satisfying splat echoed throughout the utter silence that had taken over the group. Almost as if in slow motion she watched as the green entrails with just a hint of mud slowly meandered their way down his meticulous silvery white hair into his glittering eyes and continued on its slimy merry way down his perfect nose. He turned his gaze to her, with an expression, oooh this is a new one of pure unadulterated affront mixed in with liberal dash of repugnance. Uh oh.... She turned and started to run as fast as she could, her maniacal laughter trailing behind, Not so pristine now are you?...My love

A/N: Thanks for reading and hopefully reviewing! I hope you all enjoyed your little trip down my road of inane humor! :)