Insulted Ego + Questioned Manhood = One Happy Miko by ~Nikkari~

Chapter 1

A big nasty lemon will be in the second chapter!

XX

Time... it has one sick sense of humor.

I used to think that that was a strange way of describing time, but now I thoroughly understand what it means. I just recently celebrated my twenty-second birthday which was only done so by the grace of the Kami.

How many times has my life been at risk over the last seven years and yet I am still alive and well. Naraku's constant attempts on my life all ended in failure... thank goodness, and even Inuyasha's raging beast when it would make itself known, somehow I managed to survive that as well. I even stood face to face with the mighty Sesshoumaru and survived his wrath. So when I say that only by the grace of the Kami am I still alive I am not kidding.

Seven years is a long time to bounce back and forth between two different times and in the last seven years I have come to one conclusion... it really does have a sick sense of humor. Let me explain what I mean, you see since humans have such a short life span in comparison to demons and half demons we tend to age more quickly; so where I have become an adult my best friend Inuyasha hasn't aged in the least. This causes much strife between us, being his maturity level is still that of a raging teenager who is trying to prove he is actually a man and not fully comprehending how to interact with the opposite sex. What I mean by this is he doesn't understand that yelling in my face is working against him instead of in his favor. Sure it never really did before when I was younger, but I have found that with age, my tolerance level for the hanyou and his overly dramatic behavior reaches a breaking point much more quickly than it did before. In other words the second his mouth opens I am ready to 'sit' him to the deepest level of hell.

However Inuyasha isn't what this is about, although currently he is the cause of my running through the forest heading for the bone eaters well in an attempt to escape him and get some free time away from him and his large loud mouth. Why is it every time I want to return home and spend some time with my family Inuyasha turns it into an ordeal? I mean after seven years shouldn't he know that I will come back as I have every time I returned home.

So anyways, as I said I am currently running through the forest trying to make my way home and yelling ouswari about every thirty seconds or so to give myself the advantage since I don't have the stupid hanyou's ability for running fast, and am in desperate need of a short breather. Sure after so many years of this you'd think I'd be able to go the distance with out a problem, but considering how far I have run today I think I have deserved a short breather.

Hmm... this should be interesting. Sesshoumaru for some unknown reason is just standing in the center of the clearing completely alone just staring straight ahead, in all his perfect glory. Oh did I mention that for the longest time I have had a crush on my hanyou friend's elder brother. I mean how could I not? He's just so... so... perfect; well with the exception of his missing arm which I plan on remedying and perhaps this is my chance to do so.

"Miko what are you doing?"

"Well Sesshoumaru, I am attempting to catch my breath so that I can get home before Inuyasha catches me."

"You will remove yourself from behind my person."

"Really Sesshoumaru I'm not... Oh... nice.... very very nice."

Sesshoumaru stood stalk still, frozen in a feeling he hadn't felt since he was a young pup... shock.

"Wow Sesshoumaru it's so perfect that I think I want to sink my teeth into it just to mar it up a little."

"KAGOME!!!"

"Damn it! He's closer than I thought he was. We'll have to continue this another time Sesshoumaru. See ya."

Sesshoumaru just continued to stand there unmoving and unbelieving that what just happened had indeed happened and he did nothing about it.

Just when he got his senses back together a figure clad in red broke the tree line, and flew past him without so much as a glance in his direction. This caused the demon lord to come to the conclusion; there was something in the air causing the miko and his idiot brother to act completely out of character. First the miko molested his person by touching his hind end and making a rather suggestive comment about his posterior, then his idiot brother flew right past him without so much as a yell of bastard passing his lips.

Perhaps with the demise of the hanyou Naraku, the half-breed and his wench had far too much time on their hands and decided that annoying him would be a productive way of killing their over abundance of time.

*~*~*~*~*

It has been a two weeks since my interaction with Sesshoumaru and I can't seem to stop thinking about his perfect, sculpted, nicely rounded ass. I can't believe I actually got away with touching him in such a manner with my life still in my body.

I have seriously thought about it and have decided that I am going to nail the mighty demon lord; he is a being that needs to be conquered and I want to be the female that succeeds in such a conquest. I mean what female wouldn't want pin down a being like Sesshoumaru? I'm not looking to mate him or anything like that; I just want a fling, a one night stand, basically a good hard fuck with the cold demon lord. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not some kind of a whore; in fact I have never had relations with a male, but that doesn't mean I don't know what's involved. I do come from a time where sex sells everything and not engaging in the act means you're some kind of a prude.

Sure a girl's virginity is something that you want to hold onto until you reach adulthood and meet the special someone you want to give it to. Well I have reached adulthood and don't really have any special someone in my life that I want to give it to. I just want to appease my raging hormones and find out what is so great about sex that it's crammed down your throat in every way possible. It sells clothing, food, vehicles, books... everything and quite frankly I'm tired of being left out of what my friends, from my own time call the greatest thing since the invention of the internet.

I do have a plan in how I'm going to land the demon lord, and it's pretty basic actually; he is a male after all and as such he is prone to male tendencies and the same male weaknesses as every other male in the world. If I were to break it down to a simple equation it would look something like this...

Insulted ego + Questioned manhood = One happy miko.

It's really rather simple, and from what I understand it's a very effective way of obtaining what you want from the opposite sex; and the next time I cross paths with the demon lord I am going to put my equation into action; which should be soon.

I know for a fact we are within Sesshoumaru's territory which explains Inuyasha's nasty attitude as of late. You see we still travel the lands of Japan even though I turned Naraku into a big pile of demon ash about two years ago, so that we can... well ya know I'm not really sure why we still make these long jaunts across the county side. I mean when the jewel was completed and much to Inuyasha's hissy fit; I wished it into the deepest part of the universe to forever float around in space seeking some other world to cause havoc on and worded that wish in such a way that I would still be able to jump times. So we're not seeking the jewel, we're not demon slayers unless we happen to come across one that suddenly desires to walk the afterlife, and we're not hunting down some evil being that's trying to bring the world into darkness. I think we still travel purely out of habit and because we can't think of anything else to do. We have criss-crossed the land for so long, that the thought of settling down in one location actually frightens us.

Perhaps it's the feeling of uselessness that we're trying to avoid or it's just merely habit that keeps us going, but either way I prefer meandering around for no apparent reason, meeting new people and making friends where ever we go; well... that's after we get the people to calm down about having two demons and a half-demon in their village.

Not much has really changed since the demise of Naraku, as far as our little group goes. Miroku's hand is still cursed, not with his wind tunnel but with an affinity for a single female's hind end. Sango eventually gave up on Miroku ever being cured of his 'curse' and began making eyes at none other than Inuyasha. It all started right after Naraku killed Kikyo in an attempt to anger Inuyasha into losing the battle against him. It backfired really. Inuyasha was so angry at the loss of his precious dead thing, that he found the strength to fight his way through the hordes of demons and bring the hanyou to his knees; making it possible for me to purify him.

Once the battle was over and everyone took stock of the damages, Inuyasha fled into the forest to deal with his loss. It was several hours later before the hanyou returned and suddenly he couldn't look me in the eyes and I accepted this since I knew that every time he looked at me he saw her, even when she was 'alive', if you will, he still saw her. So there was nothing I could do to comfort him, and I told Sango to talk to him and try to make him feel better; to which she did and somehow that turned into some kind of a fling between the two leading into a secret relationship weeks later.

At first Miroku was slightly put off by the relationship between Sango and Inuyasha, but finding that he wasn't as upset as he should be, he found that he really wasn't as in love with the demon slayer as he thought he was. Besides that he found another female that caught his attention, and one that didn't mind his cursed hand problem.

The first time the female made an appearance before our group, Miroku wasted no time in putting his curse into action, and just when he expected to have his head cleanly knocked off his shoulders, the female turned to him, smiled and said. "Ooo... I like that." Who knew Ayame was into that kind of thing? I guess after being shunned by Koga for so long, she decided to change the way she reacted to the male species, in effect finding that she was just as big as a hentai as her new found love. The two of them were forever groping each other and at the most odd times; such as when we were in front of a group of people. It was as if they were trying to show everyone that they were together and the two biggest hentai's that ever walked the earth. Yet so long as my four friends were happy who was I to say anything about the strange love between them all, especially since I am the only one aside from Shippou who has yet to find my one and only.

I don't mind though, for I am going to find a male to have some fun with and one that trumps their relationships. Granted it won't be a permanent union, but it will be one that we will be remembering for a long long time to come. Providing he doesn't just kill me that is.

Well speak of the devil. Talk about showing up at the perfect time. I'm sure he is here to engage Inuyasha into battle under the guise of obtaining tessaiga, and I know for a fact that he and Inuyasha only battle each other for the practice and a way of releasing tension.

"Alright Sango since you won last time, you get first call this time."

Sango looked from Sesshoumaru to Inuyasha then back at her friend. "Well, Sesshoumaru doesn't look like he's all that interested in fighting and Inuyasha just got through eating six large bowls of ramen so I'd have to say twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes for Sango." Kagome said as she wrote it down in the little notebook. "Miroku?"

"Lets see, I have to agree with Sango about Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru however, it's been awhile since they engaged each other so I'm going with thirty minutes."

"Ok thirty. Ayame?"

"I'm going with twenty five, since they both make valid points." She answered with a nod at the monk and demon slayer.

"Twenty five for Ayame, and I will go with...." She trailed off as she looked over at the two siblings making eye contact with the demon lord. "Ten minutes."

"Ten Kagome? That's not very long." Sango pointed out.

"True but I have a feeling that Sesshoumaru is here for a different reason than just to fight Inuyasha." She stated with a nod towards the two inu's. "Okay same rules as always, alright?" The group gave her a nod then went back to doing whatever it was they were doing before Sesshoumaru made his appearance.

"What are you doin here?" Inuyasha growled out as he attempted to rise to his feet. His stomach swelled out in front of him and a groan passed his lips as his stomach lurched at the sudden movement.

Sesshoumaru eyed his sibling critically. "Half-breed you are a shame to the name you carry." He stated as he watched the hanyou fall back to the ground landing on his rear.

"Shut the fuck up Sesshoumaru!" The hanyou yelled as he pointed his sword that had yet to transform at his brother.

"You know I don't think they're going to fight at all." Ayame stated as she watched the two siblings.

Kagome looked up from digging in her bag and eyed the two inu's. "Well it's a washout if they don't." She stated as she pulled out her black workout sweats and deep green skin tight tank top. "Alright, I'll be back in a few hours." She stated as she gathered up her yoga mat and began walking out of the small camp.

"Aright Kagome, be careful and yell if you need anything." Sango tossed over her shoulder as she went through the first aid kit in case Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru did battle.

"I will." Kagome responded before she stepped through the trees and disappeared into the forest.

*~*~*~*~*

Sesshoumaru watched as the miko disappeared through the trees; he decided then that he would quickly finish with the half-breed then go and confront the girl regarding her actions of touching him in a far too personal manner a few weeks ago. He eyed his sibling with cold contempt. "Half-breed, the shame you bring upon yourself..." He sneered as he watched the hanyou again try to rise to his feet. "Is a shame to the father that brought you into this world."

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes. "Like I care." He growled back.

Sesshoumaru glared hard at the hanyou the turned and began walking away.

"Hey! Get back here you bastard!" Inuyasha yelled as he once again attempted to rise to his feet only to fall back down.

The demon lord didn't bother with a response, the hanyou wasn't worth his time; and besides he was more concerned with the miko and had every intention of dealing with her and punishing her for her assault upon him.

*~*~*~*~*

Gold eyes watched as the girl bent over touching her forehead to her shins, then placed her hands flat on the strange blue thing she was standing on. She then rolled up stretching her back backwards, followed by bringing her right leg up behind her, grabbing her ankle and touching the back of her head with the ball of her foot.

Sesshoumaru had never seen a youkai, let alone a human bend their body in such a strange fashion. He continued to watch as she slowly released her leg and stretched her arm forward and leg out behind her, and was shocked that she could hold her balance on one foot for so long. Too bad she was a ningen, with being able to move her body in that strange fashion she would make a good warrior.

Forcing his self to cease watching her magical movements he stepped into the small area and waited for her to acknowledge him.

Kagome smirked inwardly, she knew he was there watching her, hell she felt him approach long before he was within aura range. "So you enjoy what you see? A voyeur huh?" Again she rolled downwards and touched her forehead to her shins.

Sesshoumaru looked at her impassively, however his mind wondered what a voyeur was, but figured based on the way she had said it that it had something to do with watching her. "Girl"

"Yes?" She answered as she lowered her self down into a push up and then pushed her self up into an arc with her feet flat behind her raising her butt into the air.

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at the position, if she were on her knees she would be in perfect receiving position, however in her current position... His thoughts trailed off for he was thinking about things he had no intention of thinking of. "You will cease this activity."

She looked at him from under her arm. "Too much for you to handle?" She asked then laid flat on the mat and while keeping her legs straight out behind her and pushed her upper body upwards.

Gold eyes narrowed as she continued to engage in her strange activity, in effect disobeying him, and no one ever disobeyed him.

"So Sesshoumaru..." She started as she rolled over onto her back and pushed herself up into a backbend. "What is it I can do for you?"

"I will not tell you again." He almost growled, for his patience was wearing thin.

While still in her backbend she raised one leg straight up into the air. "So don't." She stated plainly; then placed her foot back down upon the mat. "If you have something on your mind..." She laid flat on her back, sat up and rolled forward grabbing her toes and pressing her head to her shins. "Just say it, unless..." She turned her head to face him and smirked. "You can't handle watching me while I do this and your voice has fallen down into your hakama." She finished with a glance at his lower half.

Sesshoumaru curled his lip at the girl. Her insolence was sending him to the brink of killing her and he might just do that anyway. Just as he began to open his mouth, she started.

Spreading her legs apart she placed her face on the mat, stretching her arms far out in front of her. "I'm going to assume that you are here because of that day I molested your precious person." She slid over placing her head on her left shin. "However, if it bothers you that much then you must not be male enough to handle it, therefore..." She moved placing her head on her right shin and locked her eyes with his when she turned her head to face him. "I can also assume that you either A) don't like females to touch you, or B) you just don't like female's period." She sat back up and rose to her feet. "So if I have offended you by touching you, then I am sorry."

This time Sesshoumaru did growl, her insult constituted her death. He raised his fingers and let them glow green. "You will die for your insolence."

"Now now Sesshoumaru." She stated far too calmly as she stood and began walking towards him. "You can't be angry at me for wondering. I mean here you are all upset about me touching you two weeks ago, which leads me believe that you do not prefer the female species, I mean look at you..." She waved her hand at him. "You're just so damn pretty." She placed her hands on her hips and tilted her head slightly to the side. "Then again you could just be upset because I touched you and you liked it, however..."

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes to dangerous little slits. He did not like where this was going.

"However," She smirked inwardly it was time to go in for the kill. "It might be possible you don't have any experience with the female species, leaving you to question my actions and why I would do such a thing to you." She picked up her yoga mat and turned towards the lightly growling demon lord. "Don't worry though; I'm sure you will eventually find a female that you can experience such pleasures with, providing you know what to do with them." She was tempted to laugh out loud; she was beyond certain that Sesshoumaru knew what to do with a female and the mere fact that she, whom had never been with a man, was insinuating that he was innocent was just too ridiculous.

Sesshoumaru just stood there staring hard at her; she had again insulted his honor, not only that but she questioned his abilities as well. 'Innocent indeed' He scoffed mentally. He didn't know if he should kill her or fuck her silly.

Kagome stared at him with eyebrows furrowed. "You know I just can't quite figure it out." She shrugged her shoulder dismissing her thoughts and stepped up to him. "Okay Sesshoumaru, to make up for molesting your perfect ass, how about I return to you your arm?" Although she posed it to him as a question, she was going to do it anyway.

She was going to give him back his arm? Nonsense. "Girl I do not need your assistance." He half growled out.

"You may not need it, but you're going to get it anyway." She dropped her mat at her feet and stepped up to him. "It might hurt a little, but I'm sure your man enough to handle it."

Sesshoumaru watched as she raised her hands out at him and snatched up one of her hands by the wrist. "Your assistance is not required." He stated with an edge to his voice.

Kagome looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow at him. "What's the matter Sesshoumaru? Scared?"

He curled his lip at her. Scared of a mere ningen girl, preposterous. "You wear on my patience girl. My arm will return on its own."

"Give it a rest Sesshoumaru." Kagome jerked her hand free of his grip. "Again are you afraid of me? I mean really, what do you think I'm going to do to you? Purify you?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "Now why would I do something like that? I mean you are easy on the eyes even if you don't know how to handle a female."

Sesshoumaru curled his lip; the last part meant more than just what she was saying in effect again insulting his honor. This put him in a situation he did not like being in, either he lets the girl return his arm which he definitely doesn't want or he refuses her and she walks away thinking him to be afraid of her. No, he will just kill her and be done with it. "Die" He growled and struck out at her with his claws.

Kagome threw up a pink barrier around her and crossed her arms over her chest. "Oh knock it off Sesshoumaru. You're only upset because I'm not like every other being around you cowering in fear and only speaking words of great praise to you."

Narrowed eyes stared hard at the girl, before he released his poison whip on her.

Kagome just stood there inside her pink barrier and sighed in annoyance. "Would you just give it a rest? I mean really do you seriously expect me to just stand here and let you kill me? You're wasting your time and energy; if you would just cooperate with me things would be so much easier for both of us." She threw her hands into the air in exasperation. "Is it really so bad that I want to give you your arm back?" Dropping her barrier she walked up to him stopping right in front him. "Is this some kind of demon ego thing?"

Sesshoumaru looked down at her; she was making him feel like he was acting like a child. Why was she so instant that she gives him his arm back, and more so why was she not afraid of him? The only conclusion he could come up with, was that the girl was mad. He gave her one last death glare then turned and began walking away.