Will You Always Be There For Me? by winging glory

Not Good Enough

Prologue

Every night it is the same. I come home, and find him sleeping on the couch. Sometimes I am quiet enough that he will not wake up immediately, but eventually he would wake up. And he always woke up before anyone else was home. He would find me when he woke up, and start yelling. He would blame our life on me. How we live in a dump, how we get bad food, and how he and my brother have to share a room. He would tell me that my grades weren't high enough; that since my mom did pay for me to go to a nice school, I should at least try my best and get good grades. He would say anything to degrade me, anything for an excuse.

HE wasn't stupid. That was apparent. He never bruised me where it would show. He would hit me everywhere else though. In the shower or when dressing, if someone was to ever walk in, they would see bruises from my neck, down to just where my school uniform hit. They would see scrapes where he scratched me; nail markers where he pinched me. There would be bruises all over my thighs where he would hit me. Although, nothing compared to the marks in his favorite place, my chest. He found sick amusement, or maybe he just knew that it hurt worse there, for he would attack them unceasingly sometimes.

Everyday he excused these beatings to me, and to himself. When he first started, about a month after his father married my mom and they moved in, I didn't believe in what he was saying. I told myself that he was just lying. It was all just an excuse. But if you hear something enough, and you can't stop it, eventually you will believe it. Now, a year later, I know that he is right. I am not a good person. He had to be right I finally realized. After all, my mom loved me and I knew that she would never marry a guy that had a lying son. Never mind a son that would beat people for his own pleasure.

I tried to fix myself, as much as I could anyway. I worked extra hard at my schoolwork until I became the top of my class. When he said that I was too fat and that I ate all of their food, I became anorexic and gave my lunch to him everyday. When he said that I was too carefree and that I didn't care about anything, I became serious and took responsibility for everything around me. When he said that it was my fault that we were going broke, I got a job as quick as I could as a lifeguard, and gave him my paychecks. I became the opposite of what he said I was, but I still am not good enough.