Tears of the Fallen by ShadowsWeaver1

Tears of the Rueful

Tears of the Rueful

It was quiet, too quiet. The silence stretched out seemingly forever in the cavern of stone within the misted mountains. It was a silence stemmed from the knowledge of what was to come, battles both physical and emotional. Their journey was over. The weapon was within reach. It was time for them to part ways, to go back to the lives that they had lived.

But was there really any going back?

"Sesshomaru?" The young miko's voice was soft and wavered slightly with uncertainty. She didn't look at him, preferring to keep her eyes trained on the bright glow of the weapon in front of her. "When I get back...." she trailed off in uncertainty, but it was Sesshomaru that finished for her.

"I will be there."

Kagome smiled wearily in gratitude. She was glad, happy that he would think to be with her still. But there were still so many things that had not been said and that had not been dealt with. There was still so much that would have to be done.

She sighed. She could only do one thing at a time. And first things first, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Kagome gestured vaguely before responding, "For not trusting you." She sighed again and forced her self to turn and face him. "I haven't been honest with you about something...something important. And I need to tell you now, before it will be too late." Sesshomaru waited for her explanation in silence, but Kagome had seen the way his eyes had shifted ever so slightly, ice covering the surface of the softened gold, a hardened barrier to ward him from everything. She swallowed nervously before continuing. "I didn't know when I first came to you, I want you to know that, but...but..."

"Speak."

The sharp command startled Kagome. She blinked rapidly a few times in a daze, but quickly managed to recover herself. She gave her head a slight shake and straightened, squaring her shoulders and tilting her chin in determination. "The weapon is not for you."

Slowly, Sesshomaru responded to her words. His right eyebrow lifted minutely, though not breaking his intense gaze and the corner of his lips twitched lightly before he finally spoke. "I am aware of that," he told her levelly.

All Kagome could do was stare in disbelief. "What?" was the most intelligent response she could muster.

Sesshomaru took a step towards her, his eyes shifting, breaking free of the ice and taking on a soft glow in the light cast by the weapon, and his lips quirking into a small smirk. "Father would not have sent you on this mission if there was nothing for you to gain from it. He was far too enamored with you."

Drawing her brows together in confusion, Kagome asked the only question that would come to mind. "Huh?"

Sesshomaru's smirk grew. "His stories were quite...elaborate at times." Kagome's cheeks instantly flushed scarlet, and Sesshomaru couldn't stop his lips from splitting from a smirk into a full smile. "Though now that I am older," he continued as he took another step towards her, causing her to tilt her head slightly to keep eye contact, "I see why his stories never seemed quite believable."

Wary at his dubious tone, Kagome's eyes narrowed slightly. "And why is that?" she asked with a hint of annoyance creeping into her voice.

Unbothered, Sesshomaru merely lifted his shoulders in a slight shrug. "He was no god."

"Are you serious?" Kagome asked incredulously. Sesshomaru shot her an 'I am always serious,' glare, but she just shook her head and continued. "I mean, aside from the fact that you told me that you father was turning the story of my life into some R rated movie and the fact that you just all but agreed with his descriptions of me, you really have no problems with the fact that you've spent all this time looking for a weapon and you're not even going to be able to use it?"

"It was never father's intention that I find a weapon, Kagome. I was meant to find something much more valuable."

The smooth tenors of his voice whispered through the air to brush against her skin, raising it in a light shiver. Kagome breathed deeply, her face flushing in an even deeper blush as she watched Sesshomaru reach out to her. His hand brushed against her cheek tenderly before his fingers stretched out to cradle the side of her face. He stepped closer again, leaning down towards her, his eyes boring into her so deeply that she shivered again at the intensity of it.

"What..." Fighting to take a hold of her wavering voice, Kagome tried again. "What are you saying?"

"When I told you that my father wished for me to heed his lessons by sending you to me, what I was not saying was that he wanted for me to realize that there is more to life than the pursuit of power and that there is more to power than physical strength. He wanted for me to learn that what I saw as a weakness could make me stronger than I had ever imagined, that the emotions that I had locked away from the world could bring me strength, could give me life. You gave me that, Kagome, and I am eternally grateful to you for it. I know that where you are going now that I can not go with you, but I want you to know that when you return, even if you do not return to me, that I will always..."

"Don't," Kagome cut him off with a sharp shake of her head. She pulled back from him, breaking their contact. "I can't...I can't let you say any more...not yet. It isn't right. I still have to face my past. Being with you for so long, it's like living a world that isn't real. I'm separated from everything that was my life, apart from everyone that I love. You want me to tell you how I feel, but I can't. I won't. Not now. I need to...to be sure before I make it so that I can never go back. Please understand. I want to...I want to know that we can be together but...but before that can happen...I need to know that...that he..."

"Inuyasha." The name slipped from his lips like a curse, dripping with venom. "After everything, it is still he that you think of first."

Taken back at first by Sesshomaru hard tone, Kagome soon found herself feeling indignant. "He's my best friend," she hissed through clenched teeth. "I'm not about to forget him or push aside his feelings because you believe them to be irrelevant!"

"It is not his feelings that I care to know."

"Well maybe they should be! He's your brother!"

"He is an ungrateful whelp! Everything that I have fought for in my life, he has had handed to him as a gift! He has never had to know the impossible task of following in the footsteps of such a great demon. He has never had to fight to save anything but for himself and his own selfish gains. He has been given father's greatest weapon, yet he doesn't appreciate the magnitude of such a gift. He has been sheltered from the demons of court because it was father's wish that I be the one to bear their scrutiny and their revolts while he wanders the countryside aimlessly. He has the love of a remarkable woman, and yet he continues using you, degrading you, taking advantage of everything you give to him, and all the while playing you for a fool while he leaves you to go to the walking dead. He has been given everything, and yet he appreciates nothing! He is a fool, and he is undeserving of the gifts he has been given."

"You're not being fair!"

"Fair? Fair?! What is fair, Kagome? Is it fair that my own father would choose to give his life defending a human woman over his own mate and their child? Is it fair that I was given the responsibility of an entire land when I was nothing more than a youth? Is it fair that the only weapon strong enough to give me the control I needed to keep order in the land would be given to a halfling that cared not for our people or our plight because his wretch of a mother would never allow me anywhere near to him? Is it fair that when I finally found the brother that had been stolen from me, when I finally was given the chance to train him and to shape him for the title of prince that was rightfully his, that I find he has taken from me the only thing that had ever given me any joy? Is it fair that I have been forced to watch as the woman that I love gave her heart to someone who would never give her anything but pain in return?"

The world stopped spinning in that moment. Life was pulled to a halt. The land was cast into sleep. Water no longer flowed through the streams and rivers of the valleys below. And high upon the misted mountains, within the shadows of the cavern of stone, a rift was born that parted time.

Kagome would never be given the chance to respond to Sesshomaru's words. Before she could even take in a breath, the light being emitted by the weapon expanded, spreading to fill the entire cavern. But at its centre, where the light was the brightest, the rift shimmered into existence. It reached out with hands of magic, drawn to the one that stood just outside of time, wrapping around Kagome like a soft blanket, cradling her in its warmth and filling her with its power.

From inside the cavern, Sesshomaru watched as her body was taken over by the light. She didn't fight it, knowing that it was for this that she had come. After the initial shock, her body relaxed, resigned and accepting. Her eyes softened, filling with a light moisture as they found his again. She was fading, becoming translucent in the light, but still her eyes shown through, oceans of blue surrounded by radiating beams of power.

"Wait for me." Her words were a whisper dancing across the wake of powers suspended on the air. He didn't hear them with his ears, but rather felt them within his very soul. And then she was gone. The light faded back to shadow, the darkness moved in once more.

Sesshomaru drew his eyes closed, allowing the sight he had just seen to burn into his memory. "Always," he whispered his response into the darkness, then, with a deep breath, he opened eyes and turned to begin his decent from the misted mountains.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She felt as though she was in a plummeting elevator, but it was not body being moved, but more the light moving through her. It was blinding, and burning, stealing the air from her lungs in the impossible freefall. But then, as suddenly as it had come, it was gone again. The light faded to nothing but a memory, being taken over by shadows and darkness. Air entered her lungs in a startled draw and her body jerked at the feeling of weight returning.

Curiously, Kagome felt her hands tighten around something. She looked down in shock, only to find that her hands were wrapped around the smooth surface of the weapon. Her lips split in a triumphant grin and she tightened her hold. With a soft tug against the piece holding the weapon in the pedestal, she freed it from its confines.

Carefully, almost like she was handling china, she lifted it closer. Her hands ran along the smooth, white surface reverently. She had never felt anything so smooth, so flawlessly crafted. The arch was perfect, following the line of her body and pinching in again at her shoulders and knees only to flare back at the ends into a sharp point. And for her hands, braided intricately about the central bow, a soft, silver fur had been woven against the polished surface.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up."

The voice from behind her, startled Kagome into action. With hardly a thought, she reached behind her a pulled an arrow from her quiver, spinning around to face the presence at the same time as stringing the arrow into her new bow. She pulled back against the stiffened chord, feeling for the first time the ease at which the weapon responded to her touch, and set her arrow in the draw ready to fire.

"Who's there?" she called out into the darkness.

Her question was greeted with a smooth, rumbling laughter. "Do you not recognize me, my dear?" the voice asked in feigned hurt. "You wound me, child of mine."

"Toga?" Kagome breathed a sigh of relief. "What are you doing hanging around in the dark? I could have shot you!"

He laughed again, his voice carrying through the darkness in an eerie echo against the stone walls. "Not if you could not find me, my dear."

"Would you cut that out?" Kagome asked with a slight edge to her voice. "You're creeping me out." She turned a little to the left as she began picking up on his youki, bringing her bow with her. "I could always fire, and that would light things up in this cavern real quick."

"You haven't changed a bit," Toga laughed. "Alright, alright, I'll find some light."

There was a faint ripping sound, followed by the high, keening, wail of a sword being unsheathed. Then a soft, green, glow broke through the darkness. It illuminated faintly against a white surface and caught the sharp reflection of a blade before the green glow erupted in a bright orange flame.

Kagome blinked a few times as her eyes took in the light, but slowly, the blaze of the flames began to settle into a softer glow, and her eyes began to pick up on the form that was holding the torch. His pale skin reflected the light so completely that it seemed like he was glowing, and his fierce golden eyes burned through the distance between them in sharp glints. But even through the long shadows cast by the dim light in the cave, Kagome relaxed in his presence. Youkai he may be, but Toga was her father.

"It looks good on you," Toga observed as his eyes moved over her form.

Kagome blushed instantly at the sudden attention. She realized after a moment that he was referring to the bow in her hands, but the damage had already been done. Really, she had just found out that he was telling Sesshomaru stories about her in 'elaborate' detail. It was enough to make her squirm just a bit. He was supposed to be all fatherly for goodness sakes! "Thanks," she mumbled weakly.

"You seem tense," Toga observed with a slight tilting of his head. "Do not tell me that my son has been mistreating you."

"No!" Kagome shook her head quickly in difference. "Not at all. He was..." she trailed off, uncertain how to finish.

"Kagome?" Toga could see her distress as much as he could hear it in her voice. He stepped closer to her in concern, but when she lifted her eyes to him again and he saw the light moisture gathering in her troubled eyes, his heart went out to her. He reached forward and gathered the little priestess into his arms, careful of the makeshift torch burning on his sword. He smoothed his hand down her hair, soothing her gently with his touch as her body trembled against his in light sobs. "What troubles you, child?" he asked her quietly as he shifted her to bring her face into view.

"I...I think I made a horrible mistake" she finally lamented. "But I was....afraid." She sniffled quietly and lifted her tear-heavy eyes to find the soft gold of his. "I wasn't ready for the truth." She blinked, the moisture in her eyes finally escaping in glistening paths down her flushed cheeks. "I wasn't ready for him to love me."

A slow, gentle smile began pulling on Toga's lips as he gazed down at the little priestess. He leaned into her, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead before pulling back from her and releasing his hold. "I think," he began as he started to make his way back to the cavern entrance, "That you have been ready for a long time now. But not to worry," He paused to give a slight gesture telling her to follow. Once satisfied, he started walking again, his smile growing playful in the dancing light of the fire. "Time is the plaything of the gods."

Kagome couldn't help but to release a slight chuckle at that. "I hate to be the one to tell you, Toga," she told him with light humor, "but you aren't a god."

"Oh?" He turned slightly to her, enough so that she could see his eyebrow raised in challenge. "What makes you so sure?"

With dramatic flare, Kagome rolled her eyes before offering her retort. "Because you aren't perfect. You make mistakes like everyone else."

"Name one mistake that I have made."

It was quite the challenge being that she couldn't really bring up any of the events of his death and pretty much all of the legends about him were likely flawed, and more than that, Kagome had only spent a short time with the man; however, the answer came to her in a sudden rush of demonic energy when she pulled closer to the barrier blocking the entrance of the cavern. She smirked. "Oh, Toga," she called sweetly. "Where is Sesshomaru?"

Toga drew his brows together in slight confusion as he shifted his eyes to look at the smirking girl. "I left him chasing a mouse at the base of the mountain....Why?"

Kagome snickered. "Oh, no reason," she responded with a slight waving of her hand. "But, you know, you should really keep a better watch on your children. It wouldn't look very good on a god if his son was to get eaten by a massive, three-headed, harpy queen when his father was only a hundred yards away having a nice little chat with an old friend."

Toga blinked, then paled. "Well...shit."

That had Kagome laughing again. Between fits of laughter, she managed to offer her hands in a gesture to shoo the youkai out of the cave and give him a mirthful promise that she would still be there when he returned...but not before pointing out to him that though his head was now slightly deflated, it was still a rival for the fattest head she had ever met...the number one competition for that title being Sesshomaru himself.

Of course, being a proud demon, Toga didn't take very kindly to her taunts, and he bared his fangs to her and informed her in a very dangerous sounding rumble of a voice that he could just eat her and then she would find out how godlike he could be...to which Kagome responded that if he had to eat someone to prove how big and tough he was then he wasn't nearly as big and tough as he thought he was and that she would gladly show him how her arrows worked against youkai should he make such an attempt.

Needless to say, their discussion ended up with one riled dog demon who promptly left to relieve some well-earned aggravation by divesting an entire mountain of all its youkai population, and one hysterical miko who took fifteen minutes to collect herself from her rolling ball of fitful giggles on the cavern floor.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

By the time Toga had returned from his hunt, Kagome had set up a little camp around the light of her portable stove and was busy eating her sorely missed dinner. "Care for a midnight snack?" she asked as she held up a spare container of Ramen. He declined politely as he moved to sit by her. Kagome just shrugged. "So, I'm guessing that all the harpies are back to Zombie Harpy mode?"

"You are never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Nope!" Really, how many people had dirt on the 'Great and Terrible Inu no Taisho'? Not any that were still alive, that's for sure. Besides, he had earned it after that whole 'I am a mighty God. Cower or I shall eat you' fiasco. Still, she figured she could give him a little break...for now. So she changed the subject. "Did Sesshomaru make it home ok?"

"Hn." Toga eyed her suspiciously for a moment, but upon seeing that she was asking in earnest, he allowed himself to relax, stretching his legs out and leaning back on one hand casually. "He has. His mother will have the pleasure of his company until I have returned."

A light snort triggered by the thought of how truly 'pleasurable' the company of a prepubescent Sesshomaru would really be, was quickly concealed by another mouthful of noodles. Still, even as she chewed her food, Kagome couldn't quite keep her devilish smile from the ever observant Toga. His lips twitched into a knowing smirk. "You know, one of these days, you are going to understand my pains."

"Yes," Kagome agreed fully. "But when I have a son of my own, I'm going to name him after you so that every time he irritates me I will be saving myself the energy of yelling at you both."

Toga snorted. "My ears are already burning...Wait..." He took a moment to reprocess her words. "Did you just say you plan on naming your son after me?"

"If that's alright with you," Kagome replied with a sheepish grin and a light blush as her hands fidgeted nervously with her chopsticks.

"Kagome," He smiled as he reached over to her and took her hand to steady it. "It would be an honor." He squeezed her hand gently before releasing it and letting her get back to her meal. For a moment, both were quiet, comfortable in the silence. But...Toga's eyes shifted to look at the young miko. "Does Sesshomaru know about this?"

Kagome nearly choked on her noodles. "That...depends..." she replied evasively.

"On what?" Toga wasn't going to let her slide out of this one.

"On..." a light bit of nervous laughter came out of her unbidden. Kagome coughed a little before bringing her noodle cup up again. "On what time you are in," she responded quickly before shoving more food in her mouth to avoid further questions.

"I see." The soft rumble of amusement had Kagome glaring at him, but Toga just laughed at the image of a stuffed-cheeked chipmunk that she resembled. "You're not going to tell him until after the pup is born. Is that about right?"

Gulping down the remaining food in her mouth, Kagome wiped her lips and straightened, trying to save what little dignity should could. "What Sesshomaru knows about my plans for the future, for the moment, is irrelevant. I will not commit to anything until I have had the chance to talk with Inuyasha."

Arching a brow, Toga cast her a curious look. "I hope that wasn't what you told Sesshomaru."

With a heavy groan, Kagome abandoned her food and flopped down on her sleeping bag. "It just isn't fair!" she wailed in frustration. "For so long I thought that it was Inuyasha that I wanted to be with, and when I start to realize that I'm having feelings for someone else, he just expects me to forget the fact that for two years Inuyasha and I have done everything together. He's saved my life more times than I can count, he been there for me when I've gotten sick or wounded or even after I've failed a test. He's my friend, my best friend. I feel bad enough that I went and messed around with his brother behind his back, but I just couldn't go making promises that I wouldn't be able to keep unless I have Inuyasha's approval...or my mother's."

She groaned again, curling herself up into a pathetic ball. "I can see it now, 'Hey mom, remember that guy that came over the other day? Well, he's actually a powerful demon that tried to kill me, but now he just wants to get funky. We're going to have babies! Isn't that wonderful? Didn't you always say you wanted grandchildren? Well, I hope you like dogs!' Yeah that's going to go real well."

"Kagome, you're thinking too much about this."

"And you're not thinking enough!" she snapped back. She pulled herself up hastily, allowing herself to look at him in the eyes again. "Have you even considered the fact that I'm human? Sesshomaru has known me all his life, but only because of my ability to move through time. What happens when that stops? What happens when I go back to a normal timeline? What happens then? I'll tell you what; I'm going to age like a human while he remains an immortal. Even if I make him wait for the 500 years between my time and the normal time I return to in the past, he will still outlive me by millennia!"

"Kagome, calm down."

"I am calm!"

"Clearly."

Angry, frustrated, and all around in a bad mood, Kagome glared at Toga. But, slowly, as she began to realize that her anger was misplaced, and her frustrations stemmed from her own inability to come to terms with the difference between her duties, her responsibilities, and her true desires, her rage began to melt away. With a long, resigned sigh, she finally broke her eyes away. "Why did you do it?" she asked him quietly. "Why did you send me to him? He said it was because you wanted him to learn, but all I ever seem to give him is an aching heart."

"It was not me that started the circle, Kagome. I never chose your path, you chose it for yourself. But what I have given you will ensure that you have the power to choose your own destiny."

"What are you saying?"

But Toga just smiled and shook his head. "Take hold of the bow, Kagome."

Clearly confused, she still reached out and wrapped her hands around her weapon. "So," she ventured softly as her eyebrows drew together in confusion, "What am I supposed to do with it?"

"In my fangs, I infused the power over life and death. In the claw you hold in you hands, I have harnessed the very fabric of time. It is yours now to do with as you see fit. Use it wisely, Kagome, as I know you will."

"Time..." she whispered in awe. "I can control time?"

"In a sense, that is true. But to be more accurate, when you hold that claw, time does not control you."

"Sango..." Her eyes widened in silent understanding as she looked back to Toga. "She never noticed. She had aged, but when she looked at me, she never saw a difference. Like I...like I hadn't aged at all."

"Ah, so it does work then. Marvelous." Toga smirked at the look of disbelief that cross Kagome's face at his admission, but he shrugged it off. "Really, Kagome, you must have more faith in me."

Recovering from her state of shock, Kagome narrowed her eyes. "It would be easier to trust you if you weren't so bloody secretive all the time."

"We all have our secrets," he answered in a tone that spoke of many things left unsaid. "I, however, have simply lived long enough to know when those secrets need to be shared, and when they are not to be."

"Like now?"

Toga cocked an eyebrow at the miko's harsh tone. "I do believe," he told her slowly, "that enough secrets have been revealed on this night. It is late, Kagome. You should rest."

Not put off in the slightest, Kagome shot Toga a 'This is so not over yet' glare before laying herself down in her sleeping bag. It had been a very long day, and in only a few minutes, she was well on her way to the land of dreams.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Kagome." Toga was trying not to laugh. He was trying really, really hard not to laugh. But it wasn't working at all. His chest was shaking with light rumbles of absolute amusement even as his teeth clamped down to prevent the sound from escaping his lips. But even through his effort, the shaking of his chest had the little miko clinging to him even more and making his effort all the more futile. He bit into his lip even harder, pausing his laughter with the sharp sting of pain as his fangs pierced through his flesh. "I will not let you fall."

A muffled grumble against his chest that even with his demonic hearing he couldn't make out was his only response. He shook his head. "You are going to have to speak up," he informed her as he took hold of her arms and began prying her trembling body away from himself. The task was more difficult than it should have been given his immeasurable strength, but she had really latched herself onto him. Once he had the girl pushed back to arm's length, he tried again. "Kagome, you are safe with me."

"I know!" she wailed miserably, her body shaking with unsuppressed anxiety and her eyes clenched tightly closed. "But we are standing on a CLOUD! Am I the only one that seems to have a problem with that?!"

"Am I to understand that your only quandary is that there is nothing of substance under your feet?"

Receiving a shaky nod from the young priestess, Toga shrugged and picked her up, repositioning himself so that he was in a sitting position and setting her comfortably in his lap. "Better?"

Kagome felt herself relax instantly. It wasn't like she hadn't flown before, but there was just a feeling of security when something of substance was holding you aloft as opposed to a swell of energy shifting in restless motions under your feet. Being a miko, she could basically see the shifting surface of the energy cloud even with her eyes sealed closed. It looked like she was walking on water, floating just above the surface of a turbulent spring. But if she opened her eyes, she could see straight through the shimmering light, hundreds of feet below, to the tiny outlines of trees scattered across the vast stretch of land below. Add to that the constant pressure against her as the forces at work pressed unrelentingly against her body and the disorienting feeling of constantly falling, and it was enough to put anyone on edge. But when she felt the strong body beneath her, the feeling of falling was replaced with the security of the power radiating from him and the sense of comfort offered by being wrapped in his strong arms. She sighed and let her body melt into him, awash with relief even though they were still soaring high in the sky on the soft magic of his youkai cloud.

"Much better," she replied as she finally regained the courage to open her eyes. "Thank you."

"Anything for my little priestess."

A smile worked its way onto the young miko's lips. "Toga?"

"Hn?"

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Make everyone fall in love with you."

The smooth rumbles of his laughter shook through his chest. "I told you, Kagome. I am a god."

A dry, mirthless laugh broke from the young miko's lips. "You are no god, Toga." Her voice dropped into a whisper, so soft it could barely be hear above the passing winds. "If you were a god, I would not have to fear the day I would loose you."

Toga tightened his hold around the young woman in his arms. "I will never leave you, Kagome. No matter where you go or what you do, if you ever feel lost or lonely, all you need to do is look into your heart, and you will realize that I have been with you all along."

"What if I want more?" she asked him quietly. "What if I don't want to loose you? I know the future, Toga. I know how your life will end. If I told you..."

"Stop," he cut her off. "Knowing the future does not mean it will come to pass any differently. What knowledge you have given me already is more than enough. I have chosen my path in life, and I will not change the course I walk now nor the ending that is destined for me. But know this, my darling daughter, in all endings there is only a new beginning. You mourn for my death, and yet, in my death I will be able to reach far beyond the limits I maintain while still in the land of the living."

"What do you mean?"

"Perhaps, one day, I shall tell you, but I am afraid that this secret must remain my own until the time is right for you to know."

"My life is full of secrets," she lamented sadly. "I don't even know if I would know the truth any more."

"Would you like for me to tell you, Kagome? Do you think you are ready for it?"

She laughed shortly. "Is anyone ever ready for their world to be turned upside down? But what does it matter? I have never been given the opportunity to choose my poisons, they have been given to me whether I want them or not."

"You believe truth to be a poison?"

"Isn't it? Are not lives destroyed because of it? The choices made by some, the truth of what the consequences of their actions cause, it can be a terrible burden. What is the truth of my life? What am I, really? I am a daughter and a friend, but in a world where they know nothing of who I really am. I am a guardian and a keeper of magic, but in a world where no one could ever hope to know the truth of what my life was before I was captured by destiny. I am a sister, a confidant, a protector, and a fighter; but I am still only a girl, frightened, unsure, hurting in both body and soul.

"But the truth is that none of that matters, because I must be what most frightens me, because I must be the light no matter how deep and penetrating the darkness. I must be the one to stop the curse, to stand against the darkness. I must do this, not only because it is my calling, not only because it was me that was chosen for such a terrible task, but because my heart would never let me do anything less. I have the power to stop a bloody war, to bring the fighting to an end, and there is no truth more real than that."

In the distance, but closing in rapidly, Inuyasha's forest came into view. Kagome looked down at the familiar land, feeling once again the wash of pain that settled upon her heart knowing that yet another part of her journey had come to a close. She breathed deeply, willing herself not to cry as the well clearing came into view. She had to leave, there was no disputing that fact, and yet, she wished...

"Kagome." Toga's voice pulled her away from her thoughts. She turned to him, her feet solid on the ground once more after he had set them down by the old well. "There is a truth more real that your responsibilities, and more true than a destiny long foretold for you. You are all of those things you have said, but you are forgetting the most important thing. Your love for others does not begin and end with you. What secrets you have been forced to keep, what battles you have fought and which still lay ahead for you, what trials and pains you must face; none of it can change the brightness that you have brought to so many lives. You have given love and hope to so many that believed they would never have such a thing again, and such a gift does not go forgotten. The truth, Kagome, is that you are never alone."

She sighed deeply and hung her head. "Sometimes it's hard to believe that."

"Perhaps," he responded as he reached out, tilting her chin up to make her face him again, "but that does not make it any less true."

Kagome shook her head sharply, pushing his hand away. "You were wrong, Toga. The truth does not make the pain any better."

With remarkable patience against her revolts, Toga managed to coax the young miko into his embrace. "It is the pain that lets you know you are alive," he told her gently.

Kagome continued to fight against him, finally gaining the leverage to spin in his hold and break free. "And what of the lives that will be lost?" she hissed out angrily. "What solace can be granted them? What good does the truth do if I can not use that knowledge to save them?"

Toga sighed and shook his head. "You can not save everyone, Kagome."

"And what about my friends? Can I not save them? Can I not stop the wraths from taking Miroku from his wife and child? Can I not stop Inuyasha from giving his life to save mine? Can I not save you? Can I not protect anyone that I love? Am I destined to always fail them when it matters the most?"

"They have their own lives to live and their own choices to make. You can not shield them from their destinies, just as you can not hide from yours."

She wanted to say something to that, to be able to deny it, but she knew she could not. He was right, he was always right. She could not protect her friends from everything, she couldn't even protect them from the inevitability of their deaths, no matter how badly she wanted to; because in doing so she would be robbing them of their freedom, of their lives. "Fate is cruel," she whispered dejectedly.

"No," Toga corrected with a small smile. "She is practical. She gives us the tool we need, but leaves the choice of our actions in our hands. Of course, sometimes she need a little bit of help, and I am more than willing to offer a fang here or a claw there to set the balance of things right again."

For a time, Kagome said nothing, sorting through her thoughts. For so long she had been searching for a weapon, but even after finding it and being told that it was hers to use, she had never questioned the gift, never thought about what it might mean to have such a great power given to her so freely. But still, she knew, there was nothing in life that was free.

"You gave Inuyasha the strength to face any enemy, Sesshomaru a beacon of light to cut a path through to his hidden heart, and me a life that I could never have hoped for; but what have you given yourself, Toga? What makes all of this worthwhile to you?"

Toga smiled at the little priestess. He stepped forward and reached out to her, taking her into his arms and holding her to his heart. She allowed the gesture, wanting, needing to feel the peace and security he offered. It never ceased to amaze her how easily he could sooth her worries, how such a simple gesture would fill her with more strength than she had ever known.

When he spoke, his voice carried to her ears in a soft whisper, but the words would forever live in her heart. "Family," he told her gently. "I have been given a family."

"But they don't know," she whispered against him, not ready to leave the security of his embrace. "Sesshomaru feels so much resentment for your death. He blames you for leaving him with the responsibility of the land and denying him the power of Tetsusaiga to rule. Even now, even after he has come to accept his heart and his emotions, he will never forgive you because he will never understand why you did the things you did. And Inuyasha, he was never even given the chance to know you. He wants so badly to be a man for you to be proud of, but he will never know the man that you are, never be given the chance to know how much you love him. It isn't fair."

"Life isn't fair, Kagome."

"Why can't it be? Just this once, why can't we be given the chance to have our family?"

"Some things, we were never meant to know."

"I wish...I wish you could come with me, to see them again, to be able to give them your strength as you have so often for me."

A sudden pulse of magic pulled sharply against Kagome senses. She gasped and pulled back from Toga, her hands reaching to grasp the pulsing light of the Shikon. She pulled it from where it had been resting hastily, her eyes wide in disbelief. In her hand, the jewel's pulsing became insistent, its power growing exponentially to envelop it in a radiant light.

"No," she whispered in shock and horror. "What have I done?" Tearing her eyes away from the blinding light, she looked back to Toga, only find that he too had been enveloped in the jewel's power. "Toga...?" She choked on her words, consumed with a feeling of dread.

She hadn't meant for it to happen. She hadn't meant to make the wish. She didn't know!

"No, please..."

But the wish had been made, and the jewel had answered to her call. There was nothing that could be done to change the course that had been set. There was no going back from the choice that had been made.

"Forgive me..."

All the young miko could do was watch as the light of the Shikon gave over its power. The jewel in her hand pulsed one last time with a power so great it stole her breath away, and the light it emitted settled forever within the vessel she had given it to.

She would never know if this was the path that was to be taken. She would never know if the power of the jewel was meant for another purpose. Time was filled with so much uncertainty that it could never be constant, and destiny was nothing but a word floating upon the breeze.

But was there more?

Had she been meant to find some greater cause, some more noble purpose?

Had she condemned all those she had thought to protect?

Had she changed the future?

Had she made a selfish wish?

She would never know. She was never meant to. All that she could do was accept that there was no going back, that what had been done could not be undone. She had made her wish, and she would have to face the consequences.

But still she felt regret, still she wondered if the choice had been the right one, still she shed tears for what might have been and what now could never be.

Tears of the rueful.

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I have been waiting for so long to do that! I love Toga *dreamy sigh* and I'm thinking of writing a story just for him...and Kagome, of course. I even have the first chapter...well...started. Lol Though I don't really have a plot yet....but then again, that hasn't really stopped me in the past ;P

Well, I guess things are starting to wrap up in this story. I have....err....well a few chapters left to go, but the next time shift will be the last. Unfortunately, I don't have a solid plan of how things go from here, so I'm thinking of taking a short break to let the plot (whatever it may be) come to me...then again, my kindly reviewers might be able to coax my hand if they could give me a few ideas. We all want a happy ending after all.

Anyways, later

Shadow