The Paper Dolls by Midnight_youkai

The Paper Dolls

Sesshoumaru scanned the walls of the same corridor that had become so familiar to him over the past few years. As he entered through the door, a tremendous wave of emotion swept over him, and he had to fight not to drown in it. His friend's face lit up with a vibrant smile and that special twinkle in her eyes, as it always did whenever she saw him. Kagome was fifteen years old.

She was dying of cancer.

Sesshoumaru was at the hospital constantly, knowing that his best friend (and crush) had only a short time to live. He loved her so much, and found himself becoming enraged that she, such a sweet and innocent girl, should be inflicted with such a horrible disease.

Brimming with creativity, Kagome amazed Sesshoumaru. She had a collection of paper dolls that she had made. All sixty-two were tacked behind her bed. Sesshoumaru would ask her about the dolls, but she would always just smile, and say happily that they were her friends. Each that day passed was like a ticking time bomb for Sesshoumaru.

Kagome grew physically weaker by the day but her spirit remained strong. Each one of her smiles pierced his heart. His life was falling apart, almost as though it was him that was dying.

It was two weeks after Kagome's sixteenth birthday that she passed away. Though expected, it broke Sesshoumaru's heart. No amount of anticipation could have prepared him for the silence that was Kagome's passing.

As Sesshoumaru forced himself to walk through the door in the cancer ward one last time, he almost expected to see Kagome sitting on her bed. It was only the emptiness and coldness of the bed that greeted him, though. He wanted to do anything to escape from the silence. Silence was a foreign entity with Kagome around but she was gone, and its presence was so thick that it suffocated him.

Then he saw the tiny paper dolls smiling back at him from the wall. One by one he removed them from the wall, seeing for the first time the inscriptions on the back of each: Terrence, Ivy, Nicole, Amy, Justin, Chris and on and on. There was one name that stuck in his mind: Inuyasha. Inuyasha had been Kagome's first and best friend at the hospital. Inuyasha had died about one year ago. Then Sesshoumaru began to recognize more names, and he realized why they seemed so familiar.

Kagome's paper dolls were all the children that had died since she had arrived. When Sesshoumaru finally pulled the sixty-second doll off the wall with a quivering hand, he realized that there was one that had not been there before. It was purple, Kagome's favorite colour. As Sesshoumaru turned the doll over and read the back, he was snapped out of his state of denial, realizing for the first time that his friend was not coming back. The name, scrawled with a marker, "Kagome" screamed at him.

All along she knew that she was going to die, yet not once did she say that it wasn't fair. As the memories of Kagome reeled through Sesshoumaru's head, he realized that he could not remember a time when Kagome had been truly unhappy. Kagome, though young, had accepted her disease and death as a part of her life. She faced most people's worst fear with courage, and the determination to make each day that she lived worthwhile.

The dolls were a means of remembrance and symbols of life. Instead of mourning the ones that she had loved, she remembered all the joy that they had brought her.

From his perspective, each day had escorted his friend one step closer to death. Through Kagome's eyes, each day of her life gave her one more day to shine.

Sesshoumaru looked down at the small paper doll in his hand, and realized that it was not too late. He could still follow her footsteps, and learn how to seek out the best in any situation. Suddenly he felt the odd sensation of a smile. Though choked with sobs and heartache, it paved the path for more smiles in his life.

From that day on, Sesshoumaru learned not to dwell upon life's downsides, but to search for the positives that were sometimes hidden in the shadows of his fears.

So often do people live for the future and for the "will be", that they forget and take for granted "what is". Kagome understood that the present was a gift. Every day, she would open her gift to discover all the splendor and happiness that it had to offer. To realize the value of the present is only half the battle. It is having the courage and the determination to live within it that wins it.