Rumination by Nankinmai

Rumination

Today was a walk in the park, literally. Shippou wanted to go there to meet up with an old friend. Well, I guess it would be considered old to him, but for me, I'm not so sure anymore. Too many things have happened to me. You see, Shippou's old friend was adopted by my ex, who is brother is another ex, who is-oh, it just gets complicated. Let me explain from the beginning.

It all started with Hojo. I've known him since we were babies. He was like the boy next door-well, down the block-only really naïve and dense. However, it amazes me that the one thing he wasn't dense about is the fact that he knew he had the hugest crush on me since we were five? I'm not too sure, only that he knew it himself before I did, which wasn't until the opening ceremony of junior high.

So how did we start dating? Not long after I found out, I got invited as his date to Eri's birthday party. We became steady after a few movies and dinner. Hojo is a nice guy, just a little too nice in my opinion. He finally got to the point of being so nice that it creeped me out. I can definitely say that his "niceness" as a friend is WAY better than that as a boyfriend. And so, at the end of eighth grade, I called it off. Of course, he was a great sport about it and we stayed friends. Gee, I wonder why.

Over the summer of ninth grade, I met a new guy, Inuyasha. I found him asleep leaning against the Goshinboku. I was sweeping the shrine grounds pretty roughly before I spotted him; yet, when I tried to tiptoe away to let him continue sleeping, he woke up! How is that possible?

Anyways, he first accused me of robbing him. Then, when he took a good look at me, he accused me-while calling me Kikyou-of stalking him. Now, I was never one to simply accept such accusations, so it took quite a while of arguing before Kaeda, my play-grandmother and apparently Inuyasha's old neighbor, stopped us-or at least Inuyasha-by showing a snapshot of baby Inu wearing nothing but some weird prayer beads necklace around his neck. It was so kawaii [cute]! Kaeda gave me a stack of copies just in case.

After that, everything was just torture. Inuyasha came to visit the shrines everyday, accused me of some wrong doing, replaced "Kikyou" from the first meeting to "wench" and "bitch", then we argued until I'm forced to pull the snapshot out. It wasn't long before most of the regulars of the shrine had seen the snapshot at least twice.

I know what you're thinking now, wouldn't he snatch the copy away every time I show them? First of all, I'd stick my leg out to trip him, which worked most of the time since he was, and still is, always too arrogant to notice. Plan B would be to call Souta out. The kid admires the guy, although I can't understand why. Then Inuyasha would have a kid stuck to his leg until Souta would get called for dinner. Life was just good in these cases. Lastly, I've already made tons of copies of the snapshot with Kaeda as my back-up supplier. Don't you just love her now?

When school started again, I found out that Inuyasha had been transferred not only to my school, but also my class. Talk about bad luck for me while being way tardy for Inuyasha. School starts in the spring, not the end of the summer! Oh well, at least I hadn't known him before then, or it would have meant that the torture could have started earlier. However, the horror had just begun. How? We got assigned as partners for a yearlong project. You'd think the teachers would have enough sense not to assign big projects along with studying for the high school entrance exams, the regular exams, and the after school activities, both school and club. Well, probably not the activities since they're pretty much forbidden to all junior high third years. Now, that's just not fair. I was missing out in the archery club. However, it was because of my longing for that club that got me in trouble.

After the Club Rush, the inexperienced members had no clue about getting new equipment, so I offered to get them. It was on the way back home when the trouble came. Dark was already coming and I was trying to find a short cut. There is a forested area between the neighborhood park and the shrine grounds that is dangerous at night. But silly me, being in a hurry, I ignored the funny feeling I felt as soon as I stepped into the forest. Halfway home, I encountered a women who believed herself to be a centipede youkai that ate humans. I found myself knocked down with an open gash on my side before Inuyasha came crashing into the area and beating "Mistress Centipede" up.

That's how we got together, by having Inuyasha save me from some crazy women while on his home from the shrine. You know, I have yet to ask why he was at the shrine in the first place. You'd think he'd go straight home after school and visit on the weekends instead; but hey, I'm not complaining here.

We stayed together for several years, despite the many complications that sprang up. I mean, I couldn't leave my savior from so long ago just because of some misunderstanding from his past. Unfortunately, that's not what he thought. His past tortured him on several occasions, including on our first anniversary, until he finally left me for his ex with a month left into high school. In fact, I found out that his ex was named Kikyou. I know, all of it was just cruel.

My rebound guy was there when Inuyasha gave me the hard cold shoulder. Heh, in fact, it was through Inuyasha that I met him, Kouga. We first met while I was on a date with Inuyasha. He wanted to show me a new park full of sakura trees when Kouga jumped out of nowhere. The two guys got into a verbal fight right away. I believe I heard something about invading a gang's territory. When I saw that the fight was about to turn physical, I had to step in. Really, I can't let anybody get hurt. Kouga had finally noticed me when Inuyasha turned his attention and started ranting to me about getting myself in danger. Lo and behold, Kouga stepped to defend my honor. Unfortunately, just as I thought Kouga was really sweet for yelling at Inuyasha for his behavior, he turned around, grabbed both my hands, leaned a little too close for my liking, and said, "From now on, you'll be my woman."

Kouga was never really a fish that belonged in my pond, although I'm still not completely sure why. After all, he did treat me better than Inuyasha did more than half the time. He never yelled rude names at me, never stuck his foot into his mouth almost 24/7, never called me completely useless in just about everything, nor compared me to a certain ex-girlfriend. He did have a way of making me feel more special than any other women in this world. Sure, there were plenty of guys that wouldn't do that, but... I'm not quite sure. He had the guts to take the initiative that Inuyasha was never willing to take. Although in my opinion, those guts may have made him a little too aggressive. However, after a few months, I realized that I was maybe unfairly using that poor guy to get over Inuyasha, which made me break things off with him.

After I had confronted him about my deep guilt, he refused it and wanted to simply continue on as we were. Unfortunately, that wasn't what I wanted and couldn't live with it anyway, so I tried to make it as clear to him as possible. This is where he crossed the line between being a good guy and a bad one. While he may have had Hojo's stubbornness and Inuyasha's protectiveness, he also had that aggressiveness I mentioned earlier. I was almost forced to put a restraining order on that guy. Why? He went nuts when a distant cousin of mine visited and decided to hug me in greeting. Kouga's response was to do all he could to beat my cousin into a bloody pulp while declaring, "She's still my woman!" Nobody got injured in the end, and it was all thanks to Jii-chan [Grandpa], his ofudas [charms], and his constant belief that Kouga was possessed by an ookami-youkai [wolf demon]. Don't worry; we stayed friends, although I'm still wary of his gang members who are still insisting on calling me "Onee-san." [Elder sister]

Now, if you think that going with Kouga was a mistake to begin with, that's where you're wrong. Somehow during my college years, I made my name as the best archer while being one of the top students as a history major. It looked like Jii-chan's stories about historical legends had an impact on me after all. Too bad they never gave me a clue about what to do with, him. At first, I thought him to be a harmless stalker who was obsessed with my small fame. You may blame Kikyou for giving me that idea, which I'm happy to mention that she had gotten knocked up and kicked out of school. The father turned out to be my stalker. Do you see a connection here?

How did "harmless" go with "obsess" and "stalker"? I believe it was his actions. He never broke into my locker or apartment; if I ever spotted him, it was always from a fair distance away; and if he gave me any presents, they were silly gifts that were wrapped up and left in the open for all to see his "good" intentions. I finally took pity on the guy when I found him standing outside in the snow, waiting for me to come out to return my "lost" gloves. My first mistake was when I invited him to coffee right afterwards. Soon, that led to more coffee dates, which turned into lunch dates, then dinner. I found it amazing that he lasted longer than Kouga; then again, it was a while before he revealed his true self.

At one time, I'd thought Inuyasha's jealousy was ugly. However, that was nothing when I saw Naraku's, whom, by the way, is the stalker. We were watching our first chick flick together at the theaters. It was a popular American movie, so I pleaded with him for a while before he agreed. Halfway through the movie was when I truly felt scared for my own well-being. I had merely commented on how handsome the main male actor when Naraku lashed out to tightly grip my wrist. The instantaneous pain was nothing compared to the fury I saw in his face. He taunted me about nothing until those sitting in front told us to quiet down. Amazingly enough he did, but I couldn't concentrate on the movie anymore. All I could think about was the sudden change in him. However, I soon learned that it wasn't a change, this was who he really was.

The jealousy fits became more frequent, as he always seem to be around whenever I need to meet up with other males for group projects. I finally decided to confront him when he sent a lackey of his-after I found out that he too was a gang leader and a drug dealer to boot-on my history professor whom Naraku claimed was getting a little too personal when he congratulated me on my essay. It was merely a handshake!

Sometimes I wonder whether I should have actually confronted him at all, when at the end, I ended up bruised and sent to the hospital. Scared by his threats, I refused to tell anybody about what happened except that I was merely clumsy. It seemed to work on everybody but Inuyasha, whom I'm still surprised actually visited me. I supposed since we had dated for so long, he really couldn't completely stay away. When I was finally released, I found Naraku in another fit. Apparently, Inuyasha decided to visit my apartment to look for clues about my lying to him, only to find Naraku sitting on my sofa. Always one to attack before talking, Inuyasha got sent to the hospital minutes before I arrived.

Naraku hadn't used up all of his anger on Inuyasha, so I became the next target as soon as I walk through the doorway. Amazingly, he didn't hit my physically like he did to my ex. No, instead he hit me emotionally like he did before in the theaters. He taunted me with his words, making me feel worthless about myself while digging up the deepest guilt I had about all of my exes. No matter how I tried to run and hide, he still found me and kept on going. I suppose that made it worst, knowing that I was physically running away but never enough to stay away from him no matter how I tried. I became like a lifeless doll, emotionless by day and crying my guilt away when I was alone at night.

Naraku didn't care about my state. I still "belonged" to him and he planned on keeping me near him. I may have became nothing after my punishment, but he felt that I deserved it, not considering that he had just beaten Inuyasha up beforehand, and was willing to accept those consequences. At this point, I was more confused about his attitude.

I'm not quite sure how long I stayed that way. Days? Weeks? All I knew was that Shippou decided to visit me with a new friend of his. However, when he couldn't find me at all, as I was at Naraku's place, he got worried and ran to Sango and Miroku, who in turn ran to Inuyasha. Now, Inuyasha was still in no condition to run anywhere, so he did the next best thing, despite how much he loathed the idea. He called up his half-brother, Sesshoumaru, the same man whom Inuyasha always ranted about.

Later on, when I found out, I was surprised that Inuyasha actually made that call but not so when Sesshoumaru initially rejected the idea of helping me. Luckily, it turns out that Shippou's new friend, Rin, was Sesshoumaru's adopted daughter. So when Shippou found out that no help was coming, it made him depressed, which made Rin depressed, which finally forced Sesshoumaru to actually do something.

Naraku was in another fit before help came. He had just found out that the local police confiscated the latest and most expensive shipment of his "goods". To release his anger, Naraku sought me out and started to slap me around. I suppose he knew by now that his taunts no longer had any effect. And it was true; although I didn't care about the physical pain either. He had just slammed my head onto the wall when the door suddenly burst open. The last thing I saw was a silhouetted, tall Prince Charming with very long hair.

When I awoke, I found only one thing familiar among the strange sheets on the strange bed in the strange room, Shippou. I had just lifted him of the end of the bed when a small girl's head popped into the doorway. When she found that I was awake, she gave a quiet squeal and ran down the hallway. When she came back with Sesshoumaru, they found me trying to comfort the crying Shippou. I suppose having to wake up in such a bright environment with Shippou so nearby-instead of that dark, musty room with Naraku at first sight-brought out a little of the old me. Well, at least the motherly part of me that cared for Shippou.

It was strange to see Sesshoumaru in person for the first time, not including the time I was about to pass out from pain. Sure, I saw pictures of him in Inuyasha's old family album, but that was different. I could see Sesshoumaru's indifference, yet at the same time, I knew that he was relieved to see me awake. I would later discover that it was his strange golden eyes that gave him away. That's how I became attracted to him, although I never really knew if he felt the exact same thing until a long time after; but that'll be explained later.

Sometimes I wonder whether if it really was because I had fallen for those eyes of his that drew me to him. What was that saying? Something about always being attracted to the mysterious, or was it to those that were hard to get. Both required a challenge in order to get what you desired into your hands. Yes, that was it. It was the challenge that attracted me; the challenge to prove everyone, except Rin, that they were wrong about Sesshoumaru and that there was definitely more to him than what met the eye.

I stayed at Sesshoumaru's home longer than it required, although neither Rin nor the host himself minded. Rin loved the company I provided that which a true mother might have bestowed. And so, she soon followed Shippou in calling me "Okaa-san" [Mother] and I didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. Sometimes, I could see Sesshoumaru stiffen whenever Rin called me that. I suppose it's because Rin herself calls him "Otou-san" [Father]. Of course, it didn't take long before the children decided to play matchmaker and tried to come up with many plans. Now that I think about, whenever a plan would be set into action, Sesshoumaru and I would unknowingly take turns with one being amused and the other thoroughly embarrassed. However, their plans were only one factor as to why we would soon both be embarrassed.

In return for saving my life, I wanted to offer my friendship towards him. Unfortunately for Mr. High-and-Mighty, I became determined when he refused me. And so, I took every chance I could to greet him in a friendly happy way while throwing him clues about what the children might be planning for the day. Really, they should learn to quiet down some more when they make their plans, but I could definitely see the amusement shine through his eyes every time I told him of their plans. It wasn't long before he started to open up to me while we were discussing the children's latest plan, using my fear of earthworms to draw his attention.

That's how I slowly recovered back to my old self during my stay at Sesshoumaru's. Well, it's not like I had any other place to stay. My family was too far away, Inuyasha was still at the hospital, and any place else I would either be the third company to a couple or in complete danger again. As I said earlier, Sesshoumaru didn't mind at all, despite how he seemed to act. All the assurance I needed was in his eyes. Plus, he really did have the gentlest touch I had ever felt. I wish I could have stayed forever with him. However, his pride came in the way.

It was the day his business associates came to visit. They were all pot-bellied sleaze balls that barely knew anything about true hard work. When they spotted me on the residence, they believed me to be a slut and taunted me about it. Everything they said reminded me about Naraku and Sesshoumaru knew it when he spotted us. However, his pride did not allow him to stop the tirade and I finally broke down. I ran as fast as I could, scooped Shippou into my arms and straight out the front doors. By this time, Inuyasha was finally out of the hospital so I ran straight to his place.

When Inuyasha found me crying at his front door, he did nothing but comfort me. He had even called Sango over to help, with Miroku dragging behind. It only surprised me when both Hojo and Kouga showed up as well. My disbelief at Inuyasha's actions made me temporarily forget about my own problems. I have to remember to thank him for that someday, although I still worry about whether he received some mental damage from Naraku's beating.

Everybody's kindness allowed me to recover faster than I'd thought possible and I was glad for it. Although Inuyasha may have been with me this time, I wouldn't be going back to dating him. Don't get me wrong. I've already forgiven him; I just don't see him as anything more than a friend now.

So here I am, still walking through the park with Shippou. These last couple of years has taught me many things. However, I still can't forget about one particular guy among all of them...

Well, speak of the devil and he will appear. We've reached the playground to spot Rin talking animatedly to her father. Soon, Rin spotted us, hugged me in greeting and dragged Shippou towards the slides. I slowly made my approach to Sesshoumaru and nodded my head in greeting. When he nodded back, I took it as a sign to be able to sit down next to him on the bench. Both of us simply sat there, watching the children play. Now, just what am I suppose to do? Silence stayed for quite a while before it was broken.

"Ano [um], you look well." Well, I had to say something. It's not as if my fidgeting hands could make much noise anyway.

"..."

"And it seems that Rin had grown quite a bit since I last saw her."

"... So has Shippou." Hey, he responded!

"Heh, you're right. It won't be long before he'll be able to tackle me down to the ground."

"Perhaps he needs a father figure."

"In a way, he does; although Inuyasha acts more like a bigger brother to him."

"... Then I suppose you're gotten back together with him." Was that a growl? Nah, I have to be mistaken. We're no longer attached to each other, right? Right?

"Actually, no. We merely stayed friends, although I have taken up his guest room now."

"You mean to tell me you're really living in that pig pen?" Okay, now I'm pretty sure I heard something like disgust in his question.

"Well, I don't really have a place to stay. I don't have the money to rent a place anymore and I simply can't burden my family."

"What about my place?" And was that a bit of hope in that monotone voice of his???

"Wouldn't your guests get the wrong impression if you were to have company?" All right, so I'm not letting that last incident go! Sue me, but I really didn't like it. After all, just how long can I go on forgiving others for their many mistakes? Even I have a limit.

"They wouldn't get the wrong impression if I were to have a say in it." That does it. I finally turned my head to look at him, well more like glare.

"So why didn't you?" I hissed, or sneered, which ever came closer. Sesshoumaru exhaled for a while but turned to look back at me. Oh dear, I've nearly forgotten how intense his eyes were. Now, I have a sudden urge to look away. Err; better not since I want to see if he's telling the truth. Then again, he has always told the truth, didn't he?

"Because at that particular moment, I hadn't given myself enough time to think things over." Now this got me curious.

"Like what? Aren't you always thinking since you're silent most of the time anyways?" He narrowed his eyes. If I didn't know any better, those eyes could have said, instead of really asking, in a monotone voice of "What?"

"Have you not yourself avoided thinking about certain subjects because they confuse you? Confuse you enough to the point where you'd worry about yourself? Where you start to wonder if you should reevaluate things all over again?" I blinked. What the??? The Sesshoumaru I knew would never give this kind of explanation! Heck, it never before went past one sentence!!

"This doesn't sound like you."

"You're right. It doesn't. At least not since I met you." I blinked again. Hey, I think the blinking annoys him! Yippee!

"What do you mean by that?" All right, so I'm playing dumb here. However, this would ensure that I get an answer from him. I want a straight answer now and he better not stop anytime soon.

"I mean that I was still going over my feelings about you at the time of the... incident. I hadn't reassured myself to the point where I would have gone after you without any hesitation." Now, this information made me frown.

"So you don't like me enough to consider my feelings at the time?"

"I did, and still do. I was merely too confused before." Waitaminute!

"Still... do?" Hey! I recognize that emotion in his eyes! Those are the rare ones, the shining liquid gold that barely ever appears. I've only spotted it on mere occasions before. Hmm...

"Yes, I did, still do, and forever will. I had lost a part of myself the day you left, but I didn't have the courage to face you."

"Are you sure you're Sesshoumaru?" I was definitely eyeing him critically. This was way different from what I was used to, and that was already different from what everybody else was used to! Boy, this is getting confusing...

"Yes I am, and I was hoping for a second chance again." I can definitely hear the hope in his voice. Discretely, I pinched myself and gave note that it hurt, thus proving that this wasn't a dream. However, his behavior really is out of it. Hmm, better investigate.

"But I'm not still sure if you're Sess-" I got cut off when he suddenly lean forward to give me a chaste kiss. Just as I thought he was going to pull back, he gave me another, which followed by several more. Each kiss was longer than the previous one and I had already wrapped by arms around his neck while he had snaked his arms around my waist, each pulling the other closer. That was until he slipped his tongue out to caress my lower lip. I was shocked, especially since this was the best kiss I had ever experienced, so I gasped and instinctually tried to pull away. However, he merely pulled me even closer and took the opportunity to plunge his tongue within my mouth. Now, I was definitely aware of what he was doing and started the tongue-fight back. Neither of us took the time to actually overpower one another, we just stayed at the same playing field. Both of us pulled back when we realized we needed air before I passed out. Well, it was more like we both realized it only for myself, as Sesshoumaru was grinning instead of panting. Damn him...

"Still have any doubts?" He really should stop grinning. It doesn't suit him at all. Now the true genuine smile like the one I had glimpsed that went with his liquid golden eyes a long time ago... That would have been beautiful.

"Yep, still not quite sure. Never knew Sesshoumaru to kiss like that. Then again he never d-" Alright, so he cut me off again with his kissing me. But at least this time he went straight into the battle of the tongues. God, this is heaven... Wait, is that giggling?

"Yeah, now Kagome-okaa-san will be my okaa-san again!" Rin shouted. I pulled away as I blushed a deep crimson red. Or at least I tried to pull away since Sesshoumaru still had his arms around me. I tried pushing away but he didn't budge. I really didn't think we had an audience, especially a young one. Although I did noticed that Shippou was trying to hide his laughter. He failed though as he finally noticed my glare, despite the blush that still remained, and burst out laughing and banging his fists into the ground. I finally got the arms around me to loosen so I stalked and towered over the kit, until he took noticed of my presence. He peaked out from his arms, gave an "Eep" that sounded quite like my own, before scrambling to his feet in order to run away from me. I gave him a playful chase around the playground while deliberately letting him escape in a few close cases. I only stopped when I heard what seemed to be a poorly, hidden chuckle. So I stalked over to Sesshoumaru, stood right in front of him, planted my fists on my hips and waited for him to respond. He only stared for a few moments with amusement clearly shown in his eyes before pulling me towards him for another kissing session. I believe we would have ignored the children at this point unless they were in sudden danger; that was until I heard Shippou.

"So... When are we getting a new brother or sister?" Well, let's just say the chase started all over again, this time with Rin helping me. Sesshoumaru deemed himself as having too much pride to join in our childish chase, so he sat down on the bench and watched us. Well, I couldn't blame him. Although, I did love the way my life has turned out. I had to go through so many difficulties and obstacles, but I did have many happy moments as well. Now that I think about it, I wonder if the children had planned this play date as another one of their matchmaking scheme. If they did, then I have to thank them someday...

End?

Yes, the end...

For now...