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The Path to Your Heart by Radiant Archangel

Emptiness (Kagome)

Anguish.

Pain.

Hurt.

Emptiness.

It hurt a million times more than anything she had ever experienced before. It was nothing like the time her father had died. It was nothing like the time she thought he had died...

No. It was nothing like that.

She wanted to feel betrayed, but she knew she had no right. For he had never chosen her. He never had. Not once had he sacrificed, at least, not without scathing remarks. She thought it meant nothing to her, since half of what he always said were curses for her and the other half were curses for everything else.

It hurt so much. So very much.

To see him, in the arms of another. His lips not slanted upon hers, was what made her die inside. She wondered if she could just stand there and let the whole moment kill her.

In every sense of the word. She meant it.

She had been standing there, for how long, she did not know. For all that existed to her right now was her heart, and even that, was already gone.

'Didn't you know?' her head bowed low, the bangs falling before her blue-grey eyes, hiding then from view. 'I gave you my heart.'

She hoped he would hear her. In some twisted way, she wished he would look around, see her standing there and hear her thoughts. It was as if she wanted to continue to stand there and look at them. Gaze upon the emotions so blatantly bared before her eyes and feel them herself.

She wanted to drown in a sea of her own tears, choke on her own sorrow. How she wished the earth would open up and swallow her into another world, where there was nothing but her sadness. She needed to cry, you see, but she could not, for she had no heart to cry with.

'I gave it to you, baka.' a sad, sick smile formed her lips. She raised her head, almost defiantly, commanding attention. Her chest heaved, and her arms shook with anger, yet she did not dare make her presence known.

But before she could stop herself, she felt something slip down her cheek.

Touching her face in surprise, she felt moisture. It wasn't supposed to be there, she knew. The salty tear fell from her fingertips to the earth, mingling with the grass and soil.

She was transfixed, as she stared down at the spot where her tear...that rebellious drop of sorrow fell, betraying wave after wave of emotions that threatened to burst.

But she can control. She can keep them in check. After all, that was what she had been doing all this time. Pent up all those emotions, damming them up before they could fully run a river through her heart and finally take over it. She was wise to do that, because if she let the feelings flow far enough, her whole heart would have collapsed.

But what was happening now was almost the same. The only difference is that her heart, even before she had dammed up her feelings, had already been given to him. He unconsciously took it, of course, and had no idea the power he held over her.

'You stupid hanyou.' she sneered. 'Don't you see I gave you more than that?'

She watched the kiss continue, more appalled that he was kissing another woman than the fact that he was kissing another woman who was a walking corpse. She couldn't have cared if he was kissing Kaede-baasan, because the only fact that she took in hand was the fact he was kissing someone else.

Kikyou.

The name repulsed her. He always referred to her as if she was the undead miko, and not the person she really was. It hurt a lot, but she knew how to take care of those feelings. There was no question about that.

A light breeze interrupted the moment, and she thought that she had had enough. She was going to leave, she decided, and return for her heart later. Once he was through with dragging it in the dirt, he would give it back to her, insults included, and she would accept and understand.

She always did. She always would.

After all, it was the only thing she could do.

So she walked away, leaving two things of hers behind--

--her heart, which had been his since the start--

--and the rebellious tear, which marked the place where her sorrow betrayed her.

As she took the first steps away from him, she knew she would return, soon enough...

To collect what was hers.

Another breeze swept itself in, rustling the leaves, making the trees whisper. The leaves that were too weak to hold on to the branches followed the wind, and danced around the clearing, swirling round and round, encircling the couple, still oblivious to the figure that had walked away. The figure who would never be the same person again.

The stray breeze took one last round around the clearing, but before it could travel elsewhere, it lingered on a spot for more than a second, as if it could see something that wasn't obviously there. The dead leaves it carried flowed with the air that it was, and the breeze breathed out, almost in reverence.

Then left.

A single leaf was left behind, swaying downwards, cradled by the rocker of the stagnant air. It landed on the same spot, silent as a fallen leaf could be.

Emptiness.

INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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