Nobody's Home by yokoshima sama

Nobody's Home

Nobody's Home

She walked away, slowly but surely she walked away. Away from her troubles, away from her past, away from everything. She had nothing left, nothing was there for her because of him. This was all his fault, because of him she couldn't go home, she had nothing left worth living for. Nothing.

// I couldn't tell you

Why she felt that way

She felt that way everyday

And I couldn't help her

I just watched her

Make the same mistakes again//

He had done it again, he tore her apart. He had purposely hurt her, just like always. She didn't seem to notice that every time she recovered from the hurt, she would be hurt again, by the same person. She never noticed that she put to much faith in him, in his loyalty to her. She continually made the mistake of trusting him, putting faith in him, loving him.

//What's wrong

What's wrong now

Too many

Too many problems

Don't know where she belongs

Where she belongs//

He apparently had had enough of her going home because he blocked the only way to her home. When she found this out, she cried like there was no tomorrow. Her friends tried to calm her down but their attempts didn't work. That night, she slept at the bottom of the old well. I listened silently as she cried herself to sleep.

//She wants to go home

But nobody's home

It's where she lies

Broken inside

With no place to go

No place to go

To dry her eyes

Broken inside//

The next few weeks were the same. He would hurt her, she would cry and try to go home but would remember that she couldn't. Now, she's given up on him, on trying to forgive him. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she had given up on life itself.

Her appearance had changed. She now only wore black, anything black. Her skin had paled to white, not pure white but pretty close. She wore black lipstick and eye shadow. She also painted her nails black. She looked very dark but she acted depressed and distant, very distant. Like she was there physically but mentally, she was somewhere else. Somewhere where she was happy and loved. Somewhere she belonged.

//Open your eyes

And Look out side

Find the reasons why

You've been rejected

And now you can't find

What you've left behind//

There she was, walking away from everything, away from the world again. I fought the urge to follow her as she went up the dirt path to the place where the old well used to be. I didn't understand why she would go back there, it only made her cry. I couldn't stand to see her cry even more than she already had.

After a few minutes, I decided to follow her. I followed her footprints on the path and soon came to the clearing. I looked to see her on her knees on the patch of dirt where the well stood. Her head was in her hands, she was crying again. I fought the urge to go and comfort her. I wanted to help her, to make her fell better but I couldn't, my pride wouldn't let me. I'm the reason why it happened aren't I?

//Be strong

Be strong now

Too many

Too many problems

Don't know where she belongs

Where she belongs//

It was a normal day when it began. She had not acted like the new her, she was even more distant. She didn't talk to anyone and didn't involve herself into anything. She just stood or sat and watched and sometimes she didn't even watch, she just dazed into nothing.

The only time she responded to anyone was when he would slap, smack or hit her. She would be knocked out of her dream world and to her unhappy reality. She would look at him and say nothing. He would yell at her and beat her like a punching bag. Then he would leave her on the ground to cry.

But she didn't cry, she had no reason to cry. She felt no pain from his abuse, only his words. His words tore her apart even more than she was before. She would lie there for hours or until the group decided to move again. While she lied there, she would return to her fantasy world. That was her get away, she could go anytime she liked and could stay as long as she wanted. No one hit her, beat her, yelled at her, and made her feel bad or cry. In this place, she was loved and was cared for. In this place, she belonged.

No one ever stopped his beatings. I could have, I was always there even though they never knew it. I was always there. I never stopped him, I didn't have the courage to stop him. I'm the reason it happened, aren't I?

//She wants to go home

But nobody's home

It's where she lies

Broken inside

With no place to go

No place to go

To dry her eyes

Broken inside//

Soon, I noticed something else. Around her neck there was a black, blood stained cross. It was always there, reminding her of the little faith she had. Its black color and blood stains were a solemn reminder of why she had such little faith.

Her eyes were colder than ice. No emotion showed through, even when he would beat her, you could see nothing. His beating soon got to her, she stopped daydreaming. It was as if he had beaten it out of her, destroyed it with his evil words.

She also appeared to have lost all perspective. Her mind had given up on life and she had given up on the world. She was losing her place, as little as it may be, in the world. She was slowly being pushed away from the only place she could exist. It looked as though at any moment she could just fall down and die and nobody would care.

//Her feelings she hides

Her dreams she can't find

She's loosen her mind

She's fallen behind

She can't find her place

She's loosen her faith

She's fallen from grace

She's all over the place//

One morning, I awoke with the sun, before the group she traveled with. I looked but she wasn't there. She wasn't asleep at the camp, she was gone. I looked for her but couldn't find her. The others in her group didn't notice she was gone and left without her.

I followed her trail in the woods, it was only a couple of hours old. Soon, I began to loose faith in my tracking abilities, thinking I had lost the trial. When something small and black appeared in the grass. I picked it up. It was her black cross, it was broken and in pieces. This ment she had come this way. I quickly ran after her, following the fading trail.

Soon, I came across a flower filled clearing but something was different about this flower field. It was filled with black roses. I looked and found her in the center. She was on her knees, her head in her hands. She was crying again.

//She wants to go home

But nobody's home

It's where she lies

Broken inside

With no place to go

No place to go

To dry her eyes

Broken inside//

I went up to her and sat next to her. She didn't even notice me, it was like I wasn't even there. I set my hand down on the ground. Underneath it wasn't grass but a liquid. I lifted my hand to find it covered in blood. I turned back to her and stared in shock as I realized what she had done.

She had cut her wrists and was letting them drain her of her life. I quickly covered her wrists, trying to stop the bleeding but I couldn't.

When she felt my hands on her wrists, she looked up at me. She showed nothing but I knew she was in shock. She tried to speak but the great darkness overcame her before the word could come out.

//She's lost inside

Lost inside//

Her lifeless form slumped over while I still clutched her wrists. When all her blood had dried up, I let go of her wrists and lifted her into my arms. I then carried her back to the clearing where the old well once stood and buried her in the same place she had always cried in.

I marked her grave with the black cross. I didn't leave her name, I knew no one would pay her respects except for me. I said a prayer for her lost soul and then departed, returning to my home.

It's been a long time since her suicide but I haven't forgotten it or her. I've given her grave a name and everyone pays her respects. Her traveling companions never heard of her death in their life times, they never knew about what he caused her to do.

I still blame myself for what happened, for what I could have done. I could have comforted her, I could have told her I cared about her, I could have told her to live, I could have stopped his beatings, I could have taken her away from him but I didn't. I didn't act until the very end, when it was to late, when I couldn't save her.

I know that it's to late to change the past, I must live with my actions and accept them. But I have yet to do so. I now lay in my bed thinking, of what could have been, of what I could have done, of what the future would have been if I had acted. While slowly the eternal darkness overcomes me as well. I stared at the ceiling as my vision darkened.

It's been 500yrs since I thought of her suicide. I constantly thought of her, it's what pushed me to do my best in everything I do. It's what got me the respect I have and the fortune I acquired. In a way, she helped me become the richest man in history just by being alive. But now, the memory of her only brought me closer to the end.

I saw her face in the darkness that had taken over my eyes. I spoke her name one last time before the darkness completely took over.

" Kagome..."

Then I, SesshoMaru, died.

//She's lost inside

Lost inside//