The premise sounds interesting, and this would be a good AU... However, you need to find a beta to fix the grammar and spelling. Please understand that I am not trying to flame you. It is simply that I have seen many plots litteraly destroyed because grammar and spelling makes the story confusing.
Again, though, you have a very interesting start to the story.
Thanks
RoseDream- Tue 15 Jan 2008
I like the begining.. I am curious though; how does maturbation give you a smell that makes you seem... no longer a virgin? I would think that such a thing doesn't have a smell of two people involved. I hope you answer that better in the next hopefully "longer" chapter! :P
kagome17- Tue 15 Jan 2008
please update ASAP!!! GREAT story!!!
local_samurai- Tue 15 Jan 2008
Not a bad start. Can't wait for you to update.
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