| I think youre story has great potential, however, speaking as a writer myself, id like to give some constructive critisism. you have a small tendency to rely on the details of the settings and character descriptions just to take up space. You could instaed focus on creating more diologue to give the reader a clearer image. I love the idea you had for a beach vacation though. Just a little more editting to free it of clutter would make the writing a lot more enjoyable to read. Happy writing! ;)    
 
sharilynn- Wed 26 Sep 2007 | ohhhhh my my lets see lol,this is really good please keep writing. Sharilynn
    
 
Sessygurl- Sun 23 Sep 2007 | Ah! Please update!    
 
jasmine- Sat 08 Sep 2007 | please write more    
 | UPDATE SOON PLZ!!!    
 
LordSesshomaruLover16- Wed 22 Aug 2007 | hey love your fanfic update soon okay it totally rocks so far keep up the good work looking forward to what happens next 
 thanks ur #fan Sheena aka LordSesshomaruLover16
    
 
LordSesshomaruLover16- Wed 22 Aug 2007 | hey love your fanfic update soon okay it totally rocks so far keep up the good work looking forward to what happens next 
 thanks ur #fan Sheena aka LordSesshomaruLover16
    
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