Perhaps you should take a look at Nile-sama's work, but don't copy it. Or just take a look at some of the writers here. Using the

She says:

He says:

makes it seem so "blah", as if nothing is really being SPOKEN.

Gotta put some emotion into it. It looks like a chatroom.

Not a flame, my friend, just some advice.

I love the fic but I think you should use a sp cheaker when making your fictions. Im like you I couldnt sp for anything and I needed a lot more reviews.and bada bing bada boom I used a sp cheaker and BAM! lots of reviews!! so keep up the good work! and last hint....this is more like rated PG-13 then G

Interesting fic. Spelling could use work...you might want to decide on using a beta reader....

spelling needs a major boost. use a dictionary please for the sake of your readers and it is not kill when refering to souta it is souta was killed thx

There are many grammatical errors in this fanfiction and not enough detail. I am sure it will be interesting if improved.

Sorrii but is this can't be the end right? You shoulf write MORE!!! Pretty good actually

WTF???

Did you spell Naraku wrong? I dunno any Niraku in the series. Or is this a made up character? Do you mean the dude with long, wavy, black hair and red eyes. He's bad but kinda looks hot? Then that's Naraku.

Any comments just email me.