Kay. I'm gonna start off by saying that this story has potential. You have wonderful descriptions. But it's utterly unreadable because your dialogue lacks quotation marks. When writing prose ALL dialogue has to have quotation marks, otherwise it melds into the text and makes the story hard to read.

Example:

"I could always bring her around," Miroku suggested slyly.

"You touch me monk and a sacred arrow will find a most unpleasant place to lodge itself," Kagome growled.

There are several different styles you can go for. Some leave the quotes off the end, some have the comma outside the quotes rather than in, but the quotation marks themselves are always there in one form or another.

Keep on writing and if you ever need advice or whatever, feel free to email me. I love helping fellow writers out.

hmm, I like it so far :) please update soon.
*jessika*

enjoyed the start of this!!!!

this is great...update soon please