Real Men of Genius by CritterWhisperer

Mr. Furniture Assembly Manual Writer

Author's Note:  I debated whether or not to post this and decided, why not, it's my birthday.

This is based off of those Bud Light commercials that get stuck in my head and I can't stop myself from imagining the funny stories that could go along with them.  I may add more as the inspiration hits me.

If you ever want a good laugh, here's a link to the website that has all of the commercials.  I had no idea there were so many of them.

http://thefuntimesguide.com/2004/10/bud_light_real.php

Disclaimer:  I do not own Inuyasha, Bud Light beer, its ad campaign, or Baby Looney Tunes.

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A furious growl ripped through the house, making the walls shake, the windows rattle, and a young woman sigh. Kagome stood in the kitchen, making sandwiches for herself and her mate. She paused in her work to place a hand on her slightly swollen stomach.

"Daddy's not always so bad-tempered, Sweetie." She spoke reassuringly to her unborn pup before returning to her task.

Kagome and Sesshoumaru had been mated for two years and the couple was now expecting their first pup. The first of many, they hoped. Of course, they were very excited of the soon-to-be new addition to their small family . . . so excited that, even though Kagome was only a couple of months along, they had begun work on the nursery.

Kagome had already picked out a theme to the room and the walls had been painted. Curtains and bed linens had been chosen. Baby clothes, toys, and various necessities were already filling the closet, thanks to two expectant grandmothers. At this rate, Kagome would have no need for a baby shower.

The only things they really needed now were the various pieces of furniture for the room . . . a small dresser, a changing table, a rocking chair, and, of course, a crib. Well, they already had the crib . . . one of those four-in-one wonders that could see a child through to high school. Kagome had fallen in love with its simplistic design and the light, natural finish of the wood the very moment she laid eyes on it. Now the task of assembling the piece of furniture remained. A task that Sesshoumaru had been working on for the past hour. Judging from the intensity of his growls, things were not going well.

Another snarl ripped through the house, followed by a crash and the sound of something breaking. Kagome closed her eyes and sighed again. "I guess I should check up on him."

Picking up the plate holding her mate's sandwiches, Kagome left the kitchen and began to ascend the stairs to the second floor, dreading what she might find in the nursery. Not wanting to startle her already irritated inuyoukai mate, Kagome called out as she approached the door to the nursery.

"Sesshoumaru? Is everything all right?"

Receiving no answer, she stepped into the room, taking in the sight before her. The nursery had been painted with pastel shades, meant to be soothing without conforming to any preconceived notions of femininity or masculinity. Kagome refused to raise a child under the concept that girls had to like pink and frilly things while boys liked blue and sporty things. She had decided to go with a theme, choosing Baby Looney Tunes to decorate the walls and curtains. A theme that could be loved by boys and girls, alike.

Looking toward the center of the room, she saw a mess that looked like something the Tasmanian Devil might have created. The floor was strewn with blocks of Styrofoam, cardboard, crib parts and various screws and bolts meant to hold it all together. The wall opposite the doorway had what looked like the handle of a hammer sticking out of it. Yes, Taz would have been proud to have created such a mess.

At least Kagome knew what caused the thud she had heard. It was no big concern . . . it could be patched up and painted. What about the other sound? Her eyes drifted to her mate. He sat cross-legged at the edge of the mess, his back toward her. He held a piece of the crib in one hand while he glared at a sheet of paper.

"How's everything going?" She asked as she kneeled next to him and set her plate on the floor.

His eyes narrowed at the piece of paper, "These instructions are worthless."

Kagome looked closer at the paper and a look of confusion crossed her face, "Is that . . . Greek?"

Sesshoumaru nodded his head, "And Spanish, French, German . . . but no Japanese."

"Well, it's good that you know some of those other languages."

"I'm not fluent. Apparently, neither is the fool who wrote these instructions."

"Huh," Kagome gave a bemused snort as she picked up the instructions, flipping through them. "Why would they package instructions that don't cater to every country this item is sold in?"

"They probably have three or four different versions with different sets of languages and purposely send them to the wrong countries. It's a conspiracy."

Kagome giggled, "I guess some poor guy in France is trying to figure out instructions written in Chinese right now."

"Most likely."

"Well, at least you have these pictures. They are some help, right?"

Sesshoumaru held up the furniture part he had been holding, "This is supposed to be part 4. Does this look anything like the picture?"

Kagome looked at the part, then at the picture, then took a closer look at the part. Something was very wrong here. Then she realized why.

"It might look like the picture if it were whole. Where's the rest of it?"

Sesshoumaru pointed to a piece lying on the floor. Kagome picked it up and inspected it. "Did you . . . bite this?"

He took a deep breath as if he were about to deny that he would do such a thing. Such a loss of control should be beneath him. Then again, who else would have been responsible for the teeth marks in the wood?

"I might have." He conceded.

Kagome giggled at the answer and reached over to take the crib part from her mate. "I think you've had enough for today." She set the item on the ground and passed the plate of sandwiches to him. She stood and tugged on his shirt to signal that he should just get up and walk away.

"Come on, let's eat lunch. Maybe we can call the manufacturer and have a replacement part sent. Maybe they can send us the right instructions, too."

"Maybe I can find out the name of the instruction manual writer, hunt and torture the imbecile."

Kagome smiled, "I only hope that you'll have an easier time converting it from a crib to a toddler bed, when the time comes."

Sesshoumaru repressed a whimper at the thought.