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Diary by Smittee

The Diary

AN: I'm correcting errors and making this flow smoother. While I listened to the song and read through this, I started crying. I forgot how much I cried, when I first wrote this. I'm hoping these changes are for the better.

I don't own any of Rumiko Takahashi's characters or the song 'Diary" by Bread, nor do I write this for a profit. Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO3Gk_d6tt4

Diary

I found her diary underneath the tree;

And started reading about me;

The words she written took me by surprise;

You'd never read them in her eyes;

They said that she had found;

the love she waited for;

Wouldn't you know it;

She wouldn't show it;

Then she confronted with her writing there;

Simply pretended not to care;

I passed it off as just in keeping with;

Her total disconcerting air;

And though she tried to hide;

The love that she denied;

Wouldn't know it;

She wouldn't show it;

And as I go through my life;

I will give to her my wife;

All the sweet things I can find;

I found her diary underneath the tree;

And started reading about me;

The words began to stick and tears to flow;

Her meaning now is clear to see;

The love she waited for;

Was someone else, not me;

Wouldn't you know it;

She wouldn't show it;

And as I go through my life;

I will wish for her his wife;

All the sweet things she can find;

All the sweet things they can find."

...

Inuyasha walked through the backyard. He smiled, thinking about his wife. His name meant dog demon, but he was a mere human. He was as loyal as can be to his lovely wife, Kagome. Along his walk, he stopped and gazed upon something underneath the large tree that Kagome loved to write under. The man came closer to the item, revealing it to be a book. It was stuffed under a root and was covered in dirt. He knelt down and picked it up.

As he opened it, he read the writing inside it. His eyes widened, finding it to be Kagome's diary. He sat down, not able to help himself, and read what was on her mind. After all, she seemed to always be content in her life with him. As he read on he found that it was about him.

"I've married a man, who seems to be right for me. He's kind and caring. He loves me with all his heart. But, something keeps me from loving him. I'm in love with another. The love of my life. But I won't go to him. I will stay, and be the wife anyone would love. I will nurture my husband, Inuyasha, and hope I can please him. I will forget how much I love his brother, Sesshomaru."

Inuyasha stopped reading. At first, he couldn't believe it. Denied it. I...never knew. She never showed off any sadness, or want of another. She...She only showed happiness. Even her eyes shown with rays of light. He continued to read.

"Anyways, I shouldn't be so silly. I am married to a good man. I shouldn't stay with the past. After all, Inuyasha is the one who asked for my hand, and seemed to truly love me."

Inuyasha sighed, thinking maybe this was just something that doesn't bother her anymore. There were still more pages to go, as it was full of her daily writings. Many had been about the life they had. The holidays passed. The little picnics at the beach. But, the more he read the more prevalent her heart had not changed. As he continued to turn the page, he began to feel a chocking sensation in his throat. He came to the last page written. 

"I cannot seem to forget about him. My heart yearns to be his wife. But, I will not allow it to be not loyal. I will always be a good wife to Inuyasha. He loves me, and he makes me happy. But, the more I think about Sesshomaru, I know how happy I could be. But I shouldn't think like that. I married Inuyasha, even though in love with another. But, he wouldn't want to be with me. He wouldn't want to be with anyone. He's the loner type anyway. How could I think about him?"

She...doesn't love me. Tears slowly poured from his eyes, and he put the book down. His arm rubbed across his face, his sleeve getting all wet. "All this time, she didn't love me. She married me, thinking she couldn't be with the one she loved. She stays loyal to me, even though she loves another. She's been so kind to me, even though she hid sadness behind her eyes." His tears began to join the one upon the page, along with the ones that dried and disappeared over time.

He stayed there for a while, sitting under that tree, tears flowing down. Finally he smiled and said," All this from reading her diary. The love she waited for was someone else...not me. She never showed it." Her images began to flood his mind, how she seemed to always be happy. She would run up to him, a smile on her face, and ask him how his day at work was. She would receive his kiss, and never step away. She always had a twinkle in her eye. Could that be the sadness in her expression showing though such a lovely expression?

Inuyasha sat there, just sat there, for what seemed to be hours. He got up, and walked toward his home, the new knowledge still running through his head. He wondered if he should speak with her about it. He stopped near the door, hearing crying. Had she always been crying?

A tightening came into Inuyasha heart again. He couldn't stand to know he took away her love. He loved her so much; he hated knowing he couldn't please her.

 If I have never found out, she would have kept this up. She would spend the rest of her life, crying alone. She would make me happy, but she herself wouldn't be. How have I never noticed before? I’m such an idiot… He paused in thought. I can't do this to her. I married her to make her happy. If the only way she will be happy, is with someone else, then I will-

He opened the door, hearing her crying silence. He entered the living room, seeing her wipe her tears off with her dress.

"I'm sorry, dear. I was just cutting onions earlier and-Inuyasha?"

He walked over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. His look was sad, and his voice rough from crying. "I know it wasn't onions." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him. "I'm sorry, Kagome. I didn't know." He paused, trying to keep the tears from returning. "I didn't know."

Kagome was confused a bit, at first. But, as she felt his tears fall upon her back, she understood. She final took in account the book that had been in his hand upon entering. "So, you know my secret." Tears began to fall from her once more. "I should be the one who's sorry. I hoped that making you happy, pleasing you....I thought it would bring me happiness. But, I can't." She choked up a bit, trying to continue. "I can't forget about him. I tried- I tried so hard to love you, and I do. Just not in the way… I know I should have told you. "

"Kagome, if you didn't love me, you shouldn't have married me. I know you wanted me to make me happy..." He trailed off and pulled away to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I only want you to be happy, my love," he smiled weakly," And, I'm sure you'll realize I'm making the right choice. If you are in love with my brother, you should tell him so. I will give you away, so that you can be with him."

"Inuyasha...," was all she could say. They were a mixture of emotions in her eyes. She didn't know if she should be happy or not. She felt her heart pound, and then begin to hurt again. She would be able to find out how Sesshomaru felt, but she would be hurting Inuyasha in the process.

"Kagome, don't try and protest. I only want your happiness. And, if it is with another man, then I will give to him my wife."

Kagome and Inuyasha stood in silence for a while, unknown what to say or do. Finally, Kagome reacted to him. She wrapped her arms around him. She was still crying. "Inuyasha...Thank you. I want you to know though, that you have been good to me. I'm sure there is someone out there for you, who isn't in love with another. There will be another that you will fall in love with and visa versa. I'm sorry that it just couldn't be me.” She sniffled. It was getting harder for her to speak through the tears. “I’m so sorry.” 

Inuyasha's lips were trembling, making it difficult to speak."It's all right. You only wished to make me happy." Inuyasha lifted her chin, giving her a kiss on her forehead. He wiped the tears away with his finger tips. "Go ahead. I'll go to the court, and get the divorce papers. You just go ahead and pack."

Kagome slowly nodded and pulled away. She then headed for their bedroom, getting ready to pack. Tears still fell heavily from Inuyasha’s eyes. His heart was twisted in the pain of losing her. But at the same time, he knew he'd be making her happy. Knowing that helped to take some of the pain. He walked to the front door, taking his coat off the rack. Out the door he went, heading off to town. The drive would be good for me, he thought, hoping to gather himself before anyone else would see. 

Parking on the side of the road, he stepped into the courthouse. He scanned over the papers sections. There he found those papers that made his heart pinch. He passed the time to cry, knowing there was much to still be done. The man behind the counter didn't ask. He could see the torment on Inuyasha's face. He handed the papers to him with not even a word spoken. Inuyasha nodded and began to leave. And yet, as he held those papers, he found himself immovable. He stood in the front lobby, staring down at them. He didn't want to lose her. His heart protested. His thoughts we scrambled. He had his chance. Why am I not good enough? He tried to push against those thoughts. I can't put her through this any longer. He would return home shortly.

....

Kagome wasn't finished packing. She sat on their bed and thought about all their happy times. Even though she loved Sesshomaru, she couldn't help but enjoy the time she had spent with Inuyasha. Her tears had finally stopped, and happiness flooded her thoughts. Her heart was fluttering. She knew not what she'd say. That is, when she would confront Sesshomaru again. Would he even accept me? 

She heard her husband pull up. Getting up and going into the living room, she waited for him to enter. He entered inside, holding in hand the papers. He then asked if she would join him, in the dining room once more. Kagome followed him in. She sat on the other side of him. He began signing his part, his eyes looking dull. She couldn't stand to look at his expression. What she had done. He passed the papers to her and gave her the pen. "All you have to do is sign."

Kagome saw the papers, and felt her heart flutter. She would be able to take a chance at happiness. She looked upon his face, seeing a small smile as he looked at her. I'm leaving him. And yet, he's smiling?

Inuyasha noticed a change in her. He had seen more expression is his wife face that he ever had before. It was this moment, he realized he was making the right decision.

Kagome signed the papers. When she had finished, they sat there silently. All they had to do now was get a lawyer and make it official. Inuyasha told her to go finish packing. Kagome nodded and left. Inuyasha got up and picked up the phone. The man called up an apartment agency. He asked them to get her the best room. He wanted her to at least have a place to stay until she was with the one she waited for.

...

 

 

INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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