Toni (Chapter 4) - Sat 04 Nov 2017

I love this story! Please update!


Seldax (Chapter 1) - Mon 04 Jan 2016

Let me start by saying that I like your story and the idea behind it. I'm an avid reader and a professional reviewer in certain writing communities. I just joined Dokuga, and I wanted to start reviewing stories to encourage writers to keep up their hard work. The next comments that I'm going to make are intended only to help and never to flame. You should also remember that each reviewer sees your story differently. Take all advice with a grain of salt :)

From reading chapter 1, I can see that you have a talent for writing. Your chapter moves at a good pace, and I can get a feel for the protagonist's characters. My main suggestion would be to work on smoothing our your narrative and evening out the bumps in grammar that you have. There were many fragments, for example, that really distracted me from the narrative and made it feel choppy. Comma splices are also prevalent in your work, and some of the syntax feels awkward.

KUDOS for typing this on your phone. I would never be able to do that, nor would I have the patience. That might be a good reason for why the flow doesn't flow sometimes.I would suggest trying to find a beta reader to help weed out typos and such as well. They can be a great help!

Otherwise, I think you are off to a great start. Don't give up! Keep practicing! You've got an interesting tale in progress here.

 


roberta. (Chapter 4) - Sat 02 Jan 2016

I like the sesshy is such a good brother.


SilverInu93 (Chapter 4) - Sat 02 Jan 2016

best new years gift ever!!!!!!


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 3) - Wed 20 Aug 2014

Episode 4 of Sailor Moon Crystal aired yesterday, if you missed it you can watch it on youtube. Good chapter, keep it coming


SilverInu93 (Chapter 3) - Tue 19 Aug 2014
I want more!!

LoveAndFaith (Chapter 2) - Sat 02 Aug 2014

Great chapter, keep it coming.


hana sora (Chapter 2) - Sat 02 Aug 2014
And what happened next?? Dont forget to Update soon!

LoveAndFaith (Chapter 1) - Tue 29 Jul 2014

Episode 3 of Sailor Moon Crystal airs this Saturday. This story sounds interesting, keep it coming.


cassandra (Chapter 1) - Tue 29 Jul 2014

This sounds like an awesome story.  I can't wait to see what happens next! 


SilverInu93 (Chapter 1) - Tue 29 Jul 2014

MORE!!


Sakura23 (Chapter 1) - Tue 29 Jul 2014

Very good can't wait for it to be continued!


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