It's really good. It builds up nice and slow and it's kinda quick and to the point. I liked their teasing. If you could expand it, it would be even nicer, though.
This was weird though.
"Please, please, Sesshoumaru! I need you, I want you to pound me!"
I'm pretty sure nobody says that ever. Hehe. Maybe you didn't want to use the word f*ck, but that's the way to go when it's dialogue.
And, another thing... I don't understand why he begged at the end. He was the one setting the pace, and he was the one in charge, why would he be the one to beg?
Hmmm... for him to beg... Hmmmmmm... I don't think it's the right scenario. You see, for him to beg, he needs to be dominated first. So, since he was the one who threw the bait (at home) and teased her with the controller then took their clothes off and had her against the wall in seconds, she is the one to beg.
At the very end, before she came, he could have slowed down and made her go nuts.
Anyhow, even though it was short, it was okay. It's not one of the best lemons, though. It certainly needs a lot of work if you really wanna write something that turns on your reader (erotica). If you're just writing for the sake of having your readers know that your characters had sex, then it's alright.
I do recommend you read some of Stella's work. She's really good at giving different feelings and reasons to have sex. And she describes it in a way that might make you burn.
And there are one-too-many fics out there that are MA and could help you widen your imagination when it comes to sex. However, I don't recommend the rape ones. I mean, the ones where Sesshoumaru makes Kagome have sex with him (in any way or another) and then Kagome ends up saying stuff like "Oh, yeah, I love you" just because he made her orgasm. I hate those >_< ...
By the way, I really like your style. But I felt like you were inhibited by your own shyness on the subject (SEX). Am I correct?
Maybe you should let loose.
Read 50 Shades of Grey :P THAT is quite... the thing. It will completely pop your innocence cherry hahaha.
xoxo
~Krazy
This story was HOT!!!
That was so hot! I don't know what else to say. I'm speechless. LOL
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