Really great story!!! Keep up the good work! Although there are a few minor things I noticed that you might want to fix...
Chapter 1:
"then all the other jobs were week day work but good pay. " Don't you mean weekend work but good pay? It was a little confusing when I read the paragraph...
Chapter 2:
"Mr. Dom, has decided that he will give you the job."
You might want to set it up so that readers will know who Mr. Dom is beforehand instead of having it be implied. It is a little strange that Kaede would suddenly mention him without telling Kagome who he is. Previously, from what I read I thought that Sesshoumaru would be the one to approve of the nanny...so it was confusing for me when Mr. Dom seemed to be randomly mentioned...
Chapter 3:
"From her house it would be a twenty-five minute commute on a subway train and a ten minute walk from her house on the days she wouldn't be getting a ride. She was going to have some very early mornings."
Shouldn't the time it takes for her to walk over there be longer than the time it takes to get there by subway? I also don't see how she has to get up super early if it is walk....
"The way she responded to him, well could be purely on neutral feelings for him and he wasn't sure she like that or not"
You might want to change the second "she" to a "he" and then change the present tense "like" to "she'd like" or
"she would like" past tense.
Chapter 4:
"I was really buys this week" - "buys" to "busy"
Chapter 5:
"The next morning, unknown to the house guest, Kagome was the first up."
Um...if Kagome is the house guest, how would it be unknown that she was the first up? Wouldn't she know that she was up? Or...I guess what I'm trying to say is that it feels kind of out of place to say it like that? I think it would make more sense to say something like "unknown to the residents of the house" or "unknown to Sesshoumaru/Rin". Then again I was also under the impression that Sesshoumaru got up first/at the same time?
___
Well that's about it for the things that you might want to fix. They were just things I noticed or thought I'd mentioned while I was reading through it... xD Again, I'd like to say great story!! Please continue to update!
XxAyako RinXx
sunset in love (Chapter 5) - Sat 28 Feb 2009
| uh oh.... i'm totally 'pounced' to this!!!!!! well, in a way... hey, it's really awesome fic, you really should update...
| I like the idea, this fic is really good
though I am interested in Mr. Dom. you put in this chapter that Kagome didn't like him at all, but he acted so ....I dunno, cheerful? playful, maybe?.... when he was speaking to Sesshoumaru only a few seconds before. Perhaps you'll later go more in depth into his character. update soon!
I didnt know this was up to chapter 5! i'm so glad i found it, though i hafta say i'm kinda wondering when Kags will snap. all these rich people making her life hell. lovely story!
I Agree (Chapter 1) - Fri 15 Aug 2008
| Yaaay! I've found you again! You have no idea how sad I was when I couldn't find this story anymore. Anyways...
I absolutely love your story so far, Rin is an utter genius! I wish I could be as half as smart and cunning as she is. Write more soon! I will be on pins and needles until you come out with the next chapter!
Please Regard Me Kindly,
I Agree
| It's a really cute idea. She's a freakin smart ten year old.lol. But I like it. Please update soon^_^
YukiAi (Chapter 1) - Fri 15 Aug 2008
| Rin is very smart! I wonder what's going to happen next.
Can't wait! Please update.
| Very Cute, please update soon:)
l33t (Chapter 1) - Fri 15 Aug 2008
| I remember this on aff.net! I was hoping you updated but you just posted it here. *sigh* It's still great to re-read, though! Please update soon! ^ _ ^
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