Keep it coming.
Ok I'm definitely liking this story. You have a very good beginning with some good character development for Kagome. I'd like to see development on the other characters but I'm sure you already have that planned. It all depends on how long you're planning on making this fic. (I can personally see it continuing for at least 30 chapters)
I read the review by Z and I have to agree that there's a bit too much detail on the more inconsequental things, like clothing, but I understand why you do it. You just want to give the reader the same image that's in your head. A possible solution for that problem would be to perhaps name and/or describe the style once and allow the reader to use their imagination from then on. Honestly her style sounds like "stylish hiker" to me lol
In any case, I'm following this story now and hope you have the time to update soon!
Ennui (Chapter 13) - Sat 11 Aug 2012
Ouch! Rather brutal way to deal with Inuyasha. You're portraying him as sort of the idiot of the group, only looking out for himself and the quest. But what are his intentions? Why is he acting this way? Insight to why he's doing what he does would be good.
Again, you have a lot of detail going on, and I love the idea of the other-dimensional bag. Kind of reminds me of something from Jimmy Neutron.
Anyway, I'm trying to understand where you're heading with this story and it seems to be getting bogged down because of the extraneous detail. Too much about what Kagome is wearing, or breaking down camp. You can say a lot with less at times.
I am finding this a rather interesting little tale and will continue to watch it and try to give constructive information as you go.
Z
Ennui (Chapter 8) - Sat 11 Aug 2012
Ah! The first contact with Sesshomaru... and little did Kagome know she was tresspassing! What does Sesshomaru have planned for the inu tachi?
Ennui (Chapter 5) - Sat 11 Aug 2012
While the story is progressing, it's a bit slow and overwhelmed by details of inane tasks and descriptions of the environment. Don't be disheartened! I see it as a work in progress and as writers, we need all the help we can get to get better.
Ennui (Chapter 3) - Sat 11 Aug 2012
LOL! He just doesn't get it does he? He has no respect for Kagome's home or want for privacy and she let him have it for destruction of her property. Nothing like a good 'Sit' to put him in his place.
Ennui (Chapter 2) - Sat 11 Aug 2012
Good interaction with Sango and Miroku. I like that they want to see her happy and would do anything, even inflict bodily harm on the hanyou. Hey? What are friends for?
Ennui (Chapter 1) - Sat 11 Aug 2012
Sorry it's taken so long to read your fic. RL gets in the way at times. But have no fear! I'm here and you have my full attention, just as promised!
A very strong beginning with great detail. I can picture where she is, what she is wearing and how she feels. I like how your portrayed Kagome seeing Inuyasha and Kikyo without being overly descriptive. It's obvious what is happening. The emotions come across vividly.
Z
Keep it coming.
Keep it coming.
Keep it coming.
Keep it coming.
Keep it coming.
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