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Miss C (Chapter 27) - Sat 23 Feb 2013

Awesome!! I love how Kagome believes in herself and won't let a male distract her from protecting her kingdom.

 


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 27) - Sat 23 Feb 2013

Keep it coming.


Sesshomaru's Night (Chapter 27) - Sat 23 Feb 2013

Cut offf??? Why ???? T.T moreplease 


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 26) - Fri 15 Feb 2013

Keep it coming, Happy Belated Valentine's Day!


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 25) - Fri 01 Feb 2013

Keep it coming.


Pricila (Chapter 24) - Tue 08 Jan 2013

You almost had me when he kneeled down in front of her!!  Hahaha. Great chapter!


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 24) - Mon 07 Jan 2013

Keep it coming, Happy New Year!


bianka (Chapter 3) - Sat 22 Dec 2012

Thats not right whar the  do to Kagome but I love how shes brave, stong, intelligent, sweet, and how she stands strong. KEEP IT COMING!!!!!!


Pricila (Chapter 24) - Fri 21 Dec 2012

I'm not going anywhere, can't wait to see what you do with it!  Have a wonderful Christmas!


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 23) - Fri 07 Dec 2012

Keep it coming.


Sesshomaru's Night (Chapter 23) - Fri 07 Dec 2012

Cute!!! More, more, more, more, more!!!!

-TheNight


Pyreite (Chapter 2) - Tue 27 Nov 2012

Good chapter, consistent punctuation and grammar, and good use of the first person perspective without any jarring point of view changes.  The only point of critique I feel the need to offer in this chapter is that you have used numbers as in digits like this: 2 months, instead of writing the word 'two'.  Generally the rule of thumb is that you should only really use actual 'numbers' i.e. 1234 and so on if you're refering to dates, metric volumes, or days in a particular month, i.e. you're refering to things like this:

Years: 'It was the year 1942...'

Dates: 'Kagome circled the 24th of November on her calendar'

Metric weights: 'Sesshoumaru jiggled the bag of rice.  He was certain that he'd purchased a large 24 kilogram sack'.

Instead you've tended to use numbers like this:

Example:

"...First, we will choose 24 females, the 24 most outstanding of all the females and evaluate them until one proved her worth, you can take the other females as your concubine though."

"Who will choose those 24 women?"

"3 or 4 months. Do not worry. I will help you choose the right one."

Explanation:

In the first sentence you are refering to a number of women or likely youkai, and it would be more appropriate to write the word 'twenty four' and not necessarily to have the number in there instead, even though the effect is the same.  It makes the sentence look untidy, especially when you've done the same thing to refer to the number of 'months' in the next sentence, but in that same one, you've chosen to write the word 'one' instead of the number '1'.  Since you're not refering to dates such as a particular year, a day in a month, or a reference to some kind of volume or metric weight measure (e.g. 40 inches, or 50 metres), it would be more appropriate to use the written version of the numbers, and not the actual numerical digits instead. 

This is a common error among many writers, and although the numbers are understandable, it makes the sentences as a whole look untidy, unless of course there is a reason for the use of numbers in reference to something in particular, again such as to tell the reader that a specific year, or calendar date, or a volume or weight or height measure has some kind of significance.  Like the following:


Kagome looked up, saw the sheer sides of the cliff-face, and recalled that the guide had described it as a 'nasty 200 foot drop into churning rapids'.

I have used the number '200' in the above sentence to illustrate that the cliffside is a 200 feet high, an appropriate usage of numbers in a piece of fiction. 

 

Other than this, the chapter reads well overall.


 


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 22) - Sun 18 Nov 2012

Keep it coming.


wanda (Chapter 21) - Mon 12 Nov 2012
I just found this story. It was confusing at first since I've been a fan of Inyasha and Sesshoumaru/Kagome stories for a long time but soon got into the story. I do hope you continue.

sugar0o (Chapter 21) - Mon 12 Nov 2012

your so evil i just found this fic and want more! update!


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 21) - Sun 11 Nov 2012

Where have you been? I have not heard for you in two months, I'm your back. Great chapter, keep it coming.


alivia (Chapter 21) - Sun 11 Nov 2012
I love it, you should make it a long chapter so your readers won't leave you :)

Kagome-kit (Chapter 21) - Sun 11 Nov 2012

I love it! Please keep writing


Pricila (Chapter 21) - Sun 11 Nov 2012

Wow, great chapter!!  Still very interested in the story;welcome back!


Maryssa (Chapter 20) - Mon 24 Sep 2012

wow this is a really good story i love it keep it coming please


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