First of all... Welcome to Dokuga. Your profile says you have been a member for all of 14 hours. Congratulations on posting your first story. Now, on to my review.
Your story is different. Different is good. Are your characters portrayed in the accepted manner that has been established? No. Why? Because this is an alternate reality. Many mainstream books I've read or tv shows/movies I've seen have explored characters in an alternate reality. They are never portrayed as the character in the main universe. Never. A light character becomes dark, and a dark character becomes light. You have chosen to change the personalities of some of the characters in your story. I applaud your courage in challenging the norm.
You have done well in presenting your characters and the storyline. There are any number of possible directions you can take this story. I look forward to seeing where you go with this.I would also like to see some flashbacks telling me how your characters got to this point. I have questions. Which is good. You made me care about the answers. Even better.
Technically, you have a few grammatical and punctuation errors. But not a lot. I would suggest a good beta reader. No matter how hard we try, when proofreading our own work, we tend to miss some things. Everything is better with a fresh set of eyes. This is by no means meant to be insulting. Just a suggestion for your growth as a writer. I hope to be reading your stories for a very long time. Change is refreshing.
Hikari (Chapter 1) - Wed 07 Sep 2011
You write well, but the complete change in all the characters keeps me from wanting to read this. Not to mention that your story moves extremely fast...
Rachel (Chapter 1) - Wed 07 Sep 2011
As much as your writing style is good, I find that the extreme personality change in well-known characters to be off putting. As much as Kagome and Sesshoumaru will not be a couple in the real deal, making someone like Sango so out of character makes the story too unappealing. It would have been best to use Kikyo as Inuyasha's lover since we all portray her as the one he cheats on Kagome with. Sango would be the loving one in the relationship with Sesshoumaru if that was your plan, although someone like Kagura or anyone else could do the same job. I don't see the reason to make Kagome a neko youkai, but since this happens often it's not as necessary to take into account.
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