Bah, and ofc i for got to put the , in after "blow"

The story safar is promising, but as you mentioned yourself you need to work on sentence structure.

For me its the length of the sentences making it hard to read, you are often chopping up passages into tiny sentences making the text come across as choppy (almost kinda laggy). Try reading the text with a full 1-2 second pause at each sentence and it should reveal the lack of flow.

Alot of the places where you divide a passage with . it could instead have been re-arranged and paused with , to alow a breath

An example from the text:

Inu Yasha huffed. The sword was hefted above his head. The sound of tearing flesh carried throughout the battlefield following the forceful blow. The lizard demon screeched. Its head was sliced clean from its body.

This part comes across as choppy and "laggy" cos of the short separated sentences.

Instead of writing it as 5 sentences it could be written as 2 (maybe even 1) without getting longwinded (i might be messing up POW's/time thou since im not very good at that part when using english):

InuYasha huffed, his sword hefted above his head. The sound of tearing flesh carried throughout the battlefield following the forceful blow and the screech of the lizard demon rose above it as its head was sliced clean from its body.

InuYasha huffed, his sword hefted above his head, moments later the sound of tearing flesh carried throughout the battlefield from the forceful blow and the lizard demon screeched as its head was sliced clean from its body.

That was shocking and mildly disturbing. I loved it!

Also, "The she had headache was horrendous." I think you can see the mistake there.

This story is good. Really good!

Interesting! I would like to see more.

it is good so far but it seems to be lacking something.....................a new chapter. please update soon.

~~I find this intriguing! :D Please do continue! And I completely understand what you mean about the sentence structure thing, I find myself doing that too and it's hard to break out of!  Keep up the fantastic work!

BEST BACK FROM THE DEAD SCEEN EVER!!!

Can't wait to see what happens with Kagome!!!

No really I can't wait UPDATE NOW *pitchfork poke* UPDATE!

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!!!!