Watch for I's that need to be capitalized and other grammar mistakes like that.  Not really a fan of this piece, I don't really like fan fiction poety to begin with, but the short sentences made it seem kinda choppy, I guess that's the best word I can think of to discribe it.  I'd recommend more details and perhaps not going back and forth between the two as much, reading the boy, the girl or the boy and the girl interrupts the flow of it.

First off, I always have a rough time reviewing poetry. Being a poet's daughter, I kinda judge differently than others, I think.

That being said, for someone who is a beginner this isn't bad at all. It's a little long for my tastes, but it's clear to me that you are willing to take chances.  I like the way you broke up the imagery, but the rhyming is rather spotty and rather distracting from your imagery. If I were editing this, I think I might pare it down to a few lines to express the emotion more powerfully. Then again, it IS your poem, and you are the master of your own work.

I encourage you to continue, though you might want to get yourself a beta -- not just to help with grammar and spelling, but to help with editing. Whatever you decide, please do continue! It's you young writers that keep fandom alive! And as an oldbee, I feel like it's my job to give advice -- I know I had lots when I first started. Hopefully this helps! Happy writing.