This Fic has a bit of a surreal disjointed feel to it... Mind you, that isn't a criticism, but rather the tone I'm picking up from it. It has a Brazil or Through the Looking Glass kind of quality to it, without being quite so surreal. The "used car salesman" Sesshoumaru is somewhat unsettling, He rather reminds me of Smiling Bob from the Enzyte commercials. I'm interested to see what he'll be like once he comes out from behind the curtain.
I do have a constructive suggestion though; edit your author’s notes a bit [hint chapter 8]. The corgi intrigue was a big hook for me. I'm a little disappointed to read the spoilers for it. Knowing the reasoning behind it takes away a bit of the sinister air around the company. Make your reader's have to work a bit for the answers ^_^.
I thought you were doing just fine without the story/character explanations anyhow. It's my thought that the story is always better when told through the characters and not the author's notes ;). If you are worried about whether or not people are understanding the revealed story elements properly, my suggestion would be to hijack a beta or two to bounce your story off of.
One last thing, like Neva, I noted that in a few places you refer to Cian and Marc instead of Sesshoumaru and Shippo. You may wish to go back and correct the names so that nothing will distract us from avidly reading your work.
P.S. Inuyasha is definitely the Caterpillar
Anonymous (Chapter 1) - Tue 21 Sep 2010
Hi, I really like this fic. Is this one your original works that you have adapted to Inuyasha? If it's one of your works that you have adapted could I maybe read the original version? I really like what you have so far and it's extremely intriguing. Keep up the good work.
I can't seem to find the story-line...
(Chapter 7) - Mon 20 Sep 2010
so im interested in this but one thing i keep seeing is random name replacement. suddenly kagome will call someone by another name, or your own writing calls them by another name
and then after reading the last review, i cant help but wonder if you are just insterting names of Inuyasha characters? I dunno, im enjoying it, i want to see what happens, but if you took out the names i wouldnt connect it to these well established characters at all especially with all the fae hints
Caitriona (Chapter 5) - Mon 20 Sep 2010
I DO NOT mean for this to sound like a flame, but I must really just not get what you're going for in this piece. None of the characters are even close to their form and it somewhat seems that you've written the story and then thrown Inuyasha characters into it. If you hadn't had the interesting hook of Sess eating the corgi in the first chapter I would think that this is supposed to be a crack fic.
Perhaps if you included some odd or mysterious happening that aluded to darkness or something bad going on, that might help. But having Naraku run off in tears or Sess twirling someone around while kissing them... well lets just say that these actions are so far out of the norm for them that it is kinda off-putting.
Thanks for working so hard to provide us with something entertaining. I appreciate your effort and time.
But I want another chapter! You can't leave me like this. lol