for a short story this was awesome this would make a really good chapter story . so please think about it.

Haha! I loved this!

I think you need to make this into a chaptered fic, if only to flush it out a bit. It's a little too concise. There's no backstory and most of the details you'd need to formulate an opnion about either of the characters are either left out or given very quickly at the end.

The manner of speech is a little strange too. You don't find many people who don't use contractions when speaking to others, let alone thinking to themselves. It may because there's so little to it, but it just seems like this could be a story about Sarah Klien and Marvin Gardens, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, anyone but Kagome and Sesshomaru (regardless of the universe or circumstances one should be able to delete/replace the characters' names and their idenity should still be easily recognizable). There's nothing in this that really hints to the one-shot being about or even suited to Takahashi-sama's characters.

Maybe you should use this as a starting point for an original fic.

~Animefreak242
aka
Kawaii Girl

omg....c'mon!!!!!! you have to continue!!!!!!! YOU MUST!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Awesome!! So Sesshomaru finally got his--I'm glad for Kagome. I'd love it if you continued, though it's awesome by itself. :)

Intriguing so far :) You make this into a chapter story :p

I like it, although it is a little rough in spots, I'd like it if you did turn it into a chapter story, since it doesn't go into much depth or background so you're kinda like what happened to bring it to this point.