Tex, Here's the concrit I promised you last night. I'm feeling pretty clear-headed today.
Instead he reminded himself that he had caused a significant amount of pain, distrust, and pain in his mate.
especially noble bred women, therefore
especially nobly-bred women, therefore,
than a humans.”
than a human.”
now that I see him ….”
now that I see him …” (elipses are always 3 dots. picky of me, I know.)
getting all teary eyed at
getting all teary-eyed at
Normally if she did not immediately obey him
Normally, if she did not immediately obey him,
retake his defense position near the wall.
retake his defensive position near the wall.
he had so thoroughly defeated and humiliated after Naraku’s [defeat] fall (I thought that fall would sound better than using defeat a second time in the same sentence.)
Nodding towards the hand carved cradle
Nodding towards the hand-carved cradle
“Mommy loves. So much.
“Mommy loves you. So much. [Did you intend to put you in there? It makes sense, rather than just "Mommy loves."]
the pregnancy that would probably never go away that completed
the pregnancy that would probably never go away [that] which completed [Consider using which instead of that as you have used that before in the sentence.]
In short she was absolutely beautiful to him.
In short, she was absolutely beautiful to him.
she was the woman that had birthed his son
she was the woman who had birthed his son [Kagome is a person, not a thing; therefore, who would be proper usage as opposed to that.]
pitiful attempt on her part to pus him away,
pitiful attempt on her part to push him away,
his need for ripping and clawing at him.
his need for her ripping and clawing at him.
Sesshoumaru has expressed a wish that I have yours and his wards favorite dishes prepared for the
Sesshoumaru-sama has expressed a wish that I have your[s and his] wards' favorite dishes prepared for the
(I'm not really sure where to go with this part of the sentence. Maybe make it: that I have His and your wards' favorite dishes. Jaken would be most likely to put Sesshoumaru-sama before the dirty human. LOL)
Across Japan Kagura hopped off her feather
Across Japan, Kagura hopped off her feather
as Inuyasha dropped to a defense crouch
as Inuyasha dropped to a defensive crouch(You really should use the adjective form of defense as you are using it to describe the crouch.)
She is nothing and no one, and nothing can never create
She is nothing and no one and nothing can never create
Kikyo and Inuyasha’s mind before she plucked
Kikyo and Inuyasha’s minds before she plucked
I’m a miko, I’ve seen for myself how
I’m a miko; I’ve seen for myself how
Each clung desperately to the belief that the Wind Witches message
Each clung desperately to the belief that the Wind Witch's message
because the truth was just to awful to accept.
because the truth was just to awful too accept.
Those stupid fucking guards never let her out of their sight!’
Those stupid, fucking guards never let her out of their sight!’
All I can say is: WOW! You DO manage to keep the tension going! I honestly don't see how you are going to EVER get Kagome to forgive Sesshoumaru and then do a 180 and actually LOVE him! But I'm hanging by my claws just waiting to see what comes next from your fertile brain.
Rowdy
Yay, now sth drastic is gonna happen!! XD Can't waaaait!!
I forgot to mention if only Inuyasha knew of his 'mate's' hand in all of this. I have a feeling he's gonig to lose his mind. Bad enough that Kagome never wants anything to do with him, which I don't blame her for, but that Kikyo had something to do with the conspiracy with Sesshomaru. The deluded hanyou would probably never touch Kikyo again after that. Truth hurts. I hope Sesshomaru suffers too. You don't force your mate to rut if she doesn't want to. Whether he wants to believe it or not, rutting without your mate's consent is RAPE, plain and simple, even though the only good thing that came out of it was that cute little puppy Aisoku. Hopefully, he doesn't end up being like his father.
Keep it coming.
Kikyo and Inuyasha still in denial as always. When is she going to realize that clay is not human tissue. You may be more of a woman on the outside now, but not on the inside. Inuyasha is just stupid. I see Kagura looking forward to her end because surely she'll die before Kagome. Great chapter. Sesshomaru has not heeded Midoriko's words at all so it will surely be long before he can understand and work to build what he wants. Even now, any start he makes he fails instantly due to his actions. Poor Kagome.
rose (Chapter 1) - Wed 11 Jul 2012
karuga is going to die cant wait for the next chapter
Kagura has just signed her death warrant. As for Inuyasha and Kikyo, as much as I feel bad for Inuyasha, it serves him right. I wonder what's going to happen down the road between those two. Hmm, perhaps a lot more pain. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Again, thank you so much for coming back! You were missed so very much during your absence. You are continuing this story in such a believable and exciting way. Poor Kagome. I'm glad you are allowing her to be strong at this point and not just give in to Sesshomaru's desires. It was hard to read that chapter in some ways, but it was really well done.
Crystal (Chapter 27) - Wed 11 Jul 2012
So glad your updating again! Are you going to be updating C&C again too?
I still feel so bad for kagome! My heart reacts so much to your style of writing. I couldn't help but hope that Kagura does kill Kagome to put her out of her misery, but we know that Sesshoumaru would bring her back with the tensaiga. Ugh. I can kind of see Sesshoumaru's side, but I feel for Kagome ssooo much more. To be forced to "like" what is a terror in your mind.
As always, I think your writing style is excellent; you have a knack for quick paced narratives and dialog, something I delight in reading! That aside, it's a very good thing Kagome's personality wasn't modeled after mine, heh. If it took me thousands upon thousands of years I'd find a way to flay Sesshoumaru alive, and then I'd serve his blood to Jaken in smoothies. Maybe drink a few myself. A good writer is capable of opening a door readers can walk through to feel anger and love on behalf of characters, and you have done quite the job of this! Never have I loathed Sesshoumaru more. In terms of characterization, I do think you have both of them nailed. I really like strong Kagome-even if she's incapable of defending herself at the moment she's still exceptionally strong in mind and spirit, which I really do love about this fic!
I wonder if Kagome and Kanji will be unlikely friends. lol I know I have more chapters to read but it was a thought that kind of crossed my mind.
It made my day to see a new chapter posted! Awesome as always! I wonder how long until Kagome is pregnant again? And what is Kagura's plan to get rid of Kagome? Somebody has to be able to remove Kagome's collar! :D
Night (Chapter 27) - Wed 11 Jul 2012
Great chapter~ Overprotective Kagome is cool. And poor her, she got raped again. I couldn't believe Sesshoumaru hired Kagura, but she is probably gonna get fired soon literally.:P I hope u update soon :)
Melyssa (Chapter 26) - Sun 08 Jul 2012
update soon. cant wait for the next chapter. when do u think Sesshoumaru will take the coller off of Kagome to show he trusts her get her to start trusting him?
god i cant believe you mad me hate sesshoumaru so much that i cannot feel pity for the pain he is in damn you are an amazing author
amanda (Chapter 26) - Fri 06 Jul 2012
ur story is great i just read all the chapters sofar and wow.
can i just say wow i cant imagine how you wrote this fic ive read plenty of dark!sessh stories before but i have never hated him like i do in your story its kinda amazing and horrible please do continue
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