Alloh.

Okay, to be completely honest, I think this could use quite a bit of work. There were some sentences that I stared at for a minute giong: "What?" at. You use the word 'said' a little too often, I noticed, so, maybe consider looking up more words like: shouted, exclaimed, declared, exaggerated, etc... things on that line that'll help develop character and complete phrases. Anyways, that's all I'm going to comment on for now, seeing as coherency is fast escaping my clutches, so, I'll leave you to it! Good luck, and thanks for the read. - Inc

i like this but i too think it feels a bit rushed, perhaps if we had a bit more info on Kags and Sango's home life and what it was like before hand it wouldnt feel like it was, maybe they could have been daughters of wealthy men, or more so just grease monkey's daughters so they tend to know info like this, i dunno, i also think maybe a bit more time would have had to have moved, Car parts, or motor cycles, i'm not sure what you going with, are Expensive, very much so, its not much for an engine alone to cost upwards to 25k+ let alone what the rest of the car/cycle costs. They'd have to be in the mafia or rich to pull it off. anyway i look forward to seeing more, wonderful job otherwise. - r0o

Seemed too rushed to me.  I would spend more time working out the details, flow and fine lines.  What'cha got so far is a good idea, just not executed to its full potential.  A little bit of work and you could have a nice gem here.