Sesshou_Lover,
I think you will find that I am your most hated reviewer. But you can tell me to stop at anytime. ;) It's just...your writing is so very good that errors stick out like sore thumbs. And I'm anal retentive. And a perfectionist. And insane because of it!
I have held on for you to come back to this story because it is a really good tale. I've loved all of it! And you've had me in tears more than once! As a matter of fact, I love all of your stories that I got my hands on when you were on Spark.
As for what should come next, isn't it about time for Kouga to stick his ugly snout back in Kagome's life? He needs to be handled - finished off, if you get my meaning. And are you going to bring Inu Yasha into the pack? Perhaps he catches his mother in a huge lie, maybe about Kikyou or something he really cares about... Anyway, that my thinking. Just tossing it out there.
And if you want to stop reading right here, I won't blame you at all.
he had to get back to [some] the serious business of running his company.
Suikotsu lifted his eyes to his father[,] to ask, (This comma is unnecessary and interrupts the flow of the sentence.)
needing her rest [with] because of the unexpected pregnancy. (Just a suggestion.)
Suikotsu had awakened at the feel of his father’s movements[,] when Sesshoumaru tried to sneak out of bed. (Again, just a suggestion, the comma interrupts the flow of the verbiage. Just read it aloud and see if the pause there feels natural. In my opinion, it doesn't.)
Already Sesshoumaru had plans for his son’s training as his heir. Suikotsu knew how to count to twenty already and (I constantly caution against the frequent use of the same word. You can throw darts at me for this.)
just [incase] in case the older demon wanted a bit of a snack (I am aware of this because I often make one word out of in case and in fact.)
The phone rang. Without lifting his eyes from the page Sesshoumaru answered the phone. (Again, frequent use of the same word. You could end the second sentence with: ...Sesshoumaru answered.)
“Fine, father,” (If I ever find my English Handbook, I will be able to quote you chapter and verse as to why the direct address of another person or thing in the spoken text should be treated as a parenthetical phrase, but I know it should be in standard American English.)
“Hello, my little pup.
Kagome awoke around ten in the morning[,] feeling totally refreshed. (Again, the comma is really unnecessary.)
There was her mate, Sesshoumaru, (His name is actually a parenthetical phrase.)
In his lap, eating patiently, was Suikotsu. (As is eating patiently in this sentence.)
Her son[,] held a slice of apple out to her, to share. (Again, the comma is interrupting the actions.)
He is your pack, not mine, and therefore unworthy to spend time with my offspring. (I'm not going to argue your use of therefore without commas because the commas would interrupt the flow. I just want to point out that USUALLY therefore, however, nonetheless and other such words are used as parenthetical phrases and enclosed in commas. And, really, an author must be allowed leaway. Which is why I won't be offended if you tell me where to get off.)
Kagome reached her arms out for her son[,] to see if he wanted
Kagome didn’t feel bad[,] as it was all instinct, as explained in the book Inu gave her. (In both these sentences, you really have dependent clauses, not parenthetical phrases.)
He was just so beautiful, so perfect, that she didn’t know (I would put a comma here, as it has a natural pause when you read it aloud.)
father in law In standard American English, this is written father-in-law. I keep referring to standard American English because you sometimes utilize words or phrases that I recognize as British usage; and British English is somewhat different from American English in both use and structure.
Sesshoumaru had said very little in [comparison] respect of regards to what she was sure was a complex ceremony. (Just a couple of suggestions for words that fit a little better here, because there isn't a comparison really.)
For that, I thank you, Kagome.
Inu nodded to his son[,] before he reached down to lift Kagome’s shirt over her stomach.
She grimaced slightly, knowing that she’d never lost that bit of extra weight from her first pregnancy, not that either male noticed.
“I think a meal is in order,” Inu said to the group. “It will even be my treat.” [ ]No one was willing to turn such an offer down. (You have some extra spaces to be removed here.)
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