Angelicatt (Chapter 1) - Sat 13 Mar 2010

I am guessing this is a sequel to Love at Last but you didn't indicate what story it was. That AN should have been at the top of the page before the actual story; which could have really used with breaking up into smaller, more readable paragraphs and would have been greatly improved by a beta's catch of spelling and grammar mistakes. And never write anything in all CAPS, it makes it very difficult to read and implies a more aggressive, angry tone that what you were trying to imply. Your ideas have merit but you would benefit from not rushing through them.

Sessylove219 (Chapter 1) - Fri 12 Mar 2010

This is really hard to read. You should break up paragraphs, especially when there is dialogue present. I would seriously recommend a good beta and spell check (again) for you. It will help you a lot. Also, you should capitalize at the beginnings of sentences and the word 'I', but not write things in all caps. The whole thing is rushed and does not make a lot of sense. Take your time. You have a good imagination, but rush through everything. I think that if you have an outline, even in your head, and do things one piece at a time, you will fare much better. Good luck.

Scherherazade (Chapter 1) - Thu 11 Mar 2010

I think there is a decent story here but it needs a lot of editing.  You need to break up your paragraphs, it makes it easier to read.  Also capitalize the beginning of a sentence.  I would refrain from using all caps in your story.  In chat or instant messaging all caps can convey emphasis or anger, but in a story it is visually disrupting.

Also slow down and really develop your story and characters.  How did Sesshoumaru and Kagome become mates?  If they have children that are old enough to talk, they must have been together for quite a while, how long?  Why is Inuyasha trying to get Kagome after all this time?  What makes him think she would leave with him?  Giving the background information that answers the above questions and more makes your story easier to understand.

A beta could help with spelling and grammar issues as well as be a good sounding board for your ideas.


beckyducky (Chapter 1) - Wed 10 Mar 2010

Yikes!! There were a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes.  Plus, I think you might be a little too cap-lock happy. ^__^  Writing in all caps is only appropriate in some situations in moderate amounts.  Doing whole dialogues with it is distracting to the reader.  I think this fic might have been better had you took your time with it and really fleshed out the story. 

You could have made it really dramatic: “Kagome disappears for years and years while Inuyasha searches for her, laden with grief and regret at his previous actions towards her.  Little does he know, she is living a much better life.”  Or something to that effect.  It would have made inuyasha’s outburst more understandable. 

This story has a lot of potential, so I think that you should invest in a beta to go over the plot/mechanics and maybe rework your fic… ^__^

ducky out.

Hairann (Chapter 1) - Wed 10 Mar 2010

Sorry Never, but this is just not readable.  75% of your story is a giant block of text, there is way too much caps littered throughout, you have ANs such as '(sorry i really dont know Kagome's mom's real name)' in the middle of the story, and there are many grammar errors.  I would suggest rewriting this one after coming up with an outline for what you want.  It is too hard to follow as is.

Ikaru (Chapter 1) - Mon 08 Mar 2010

i had trouble finding the plot in this work. this seemed like something that wasnt very well planned out, i would recomend writing an outline before you even begin to type up a story, it will help you keep on track and organise your thoughts. word of advice, dont write whole sentences all in capital letters, it is distracting to the reader and pulls focus from the rest of the story, also your first paragraph needs to be broken up, large paragraphs like that are hard for readers to get through and tend to make them lose interest in your work early on. You amount of detail in this work leaves something to be desired, it needs some serious fleshing out, we have no knowledge why Kagome is separated from Inuyasha, and why she is Sesshoumaru's mate in the first place, and this is just one example i found that needs work.

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