Reviews for Pack Law by LilBitz

JeniNeji (Chapter 4) - Sun 05 Aug 2018

I want to read more! I am liking how this pregnancy is affecting them all. Thanks for sharing!


Lauren (Chapter 4) - Sat 04 Aug 2018

Interesting concept. My suggestion would be to get a beta or proof read. Your grammar and spelling and word usage needs a lot of work (e.g. - stalker is what is creepy) . There are also too many/plenty of time jumps and iconsistencies that do not make much sense. 


Sessygurl (Chapter 4) - Sat 04 Aug 2018

Love this story so much. Definitely my favorite of the season. I cannot wait till Sess finds out what really happened. Hopefully before it's too late. I love the was the beasts have a voice in the lives of the demons. Thanks for the update. 


mimi (Chapter 3) - Fri 03 Aug 2018

What’s with the false updates? This is the 2nd time and when I click on link it sends me to a phantom page.


Sessygurl (Chapter 3) - Tue 24 Jul 2018

Haha I like the cousin. I want to know what happen that night.


VS (Chapter 3) - Tue 24 Jul 2018

Hello,

I'm feeling really sorry about Sesshoumaru. How did he stand Kagura for so many decades? Although I have to say he deserves it somewhat...how could he have forgotten about Kagome?

So this Marcus who is leaving messages for Satsuna is actually Sesshoumaru's cousin? I like that. The cousins being in love with two friends...it is romantic :)

I'm curious to see how Kagome will react when she sees Sesshoumaru in her jewelry shop!

I really liked this chapter! And I'm looking forward to your next update!


critique (Chapter 3) - Tue 24 Jul 2018

Hello, interesting story so far. This is a critique based on how far I have read and of my own opinion. So far the story has a fast pace to it. It is mostly conversations. With so much conversations, it gives the story that faster pace because there is nothing else being described in between. The flow of the story feels rushed along with some spelling errors and wrong use of words. For example, the first chapter sesshomaru "sending her blood". I believe it should have said "Scenting her blood"(or other words like smelling, sniffing, catching a scent of blood) . So when you get the chance, please take a moment to take a step back from the story and come back to it and reread to find those errors. Your version of the characters are fine and dandy but I believe the readers would like to learn more about them.

 

I would suggest having another person (and or a beta)read it and give you a feedback on grammar, spelling or just the over all feel of the story to help you imporve before posting. This would make your chapters feel more complete.

Keep up the good work!


Cheyanna (Chapter 2) - Fri 20 Jul 2018

Interesting, looking forward to more! Kikyo sounds like she’s going to do something stupid lol. 


VS (Chapter 2) - Fri 20 Jul 2018

Hello,

your story seems really interesting so far! I'm wondering why Sesshoumaru suddenly  decided after 200 years, that Kagura is not the right one ... could it have something to do with his night with Kagome ;)

I can't wait until Kagura learns, that there will be no wedding :D I would like to be able to see her face in that moment :P She was really getting on my nerves with her attitude!!! Kagome should have left her to step into her store and get purified!

I'm also wondering what Kikyo is up to. She seems to have a hidden agenda!

You did a good job so far! And I would advise you to start to include the pack laws into the storyline. They are after all the title of this story and while you introduced them in the first chapter you didn't include them so far. I know with 2 chapters you are still in the beginning of this fic, but it is an advice I'm giving.

I'm looking forward to your next update!


Sessygurl (Chapter 1) - Fri 20 Jul 2018

I cannot wait for more.


Minime (Chapter 1) - Fri 20 Jul 2018

The story is very nice. Plot is different from most of the stories I read.  Looking forward for the next chapter


Toni (Chapter 1) - Thu 19 Jul 2018

great story so far  looking forward to many more chapters   


InumeT_FlyGirl (Chapter 2) - Thu 19 Jul 2018

I’m interested lol can’t wait to see where this goes


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