princess of the western lands (Chapter 1) - Fri 18 May 2018

Good start and I like the rare disease part as well. That lends some uniqueness to the story. Looking forward to the next chapter.

 

Update soon onegai

 

Ja ne


Saraf Anjum (Chapter 1) - Tue 15 May 2018

Oooh, interesting. Kagome had a Youkai father and now she needs Tetsusaiga. Just kidding.

Though, I'd like to know how two strong blood fighting resulted in a weak heart. You can say her mother had trouble carrying her due to her father's lineage and Kagome developed Noncompaction cardiomyopathy. I know writers don't have to go to so much details but "stupid, weak heart" just doesn't cut it.

I don't review much coz I'm too picky but your writing has improved a LOT. So I thought to give some constructive criticism. You can ignore this post if you want. And "Her black/bluish hair sprawled around her like a white halo"? Why would dark hair create white halo? And I'm sick of the characters hair ALWAYS creating a Halo. Gomen, I'm not just talking about you. Nothing turns me off more than 'over information'. Few days ago I stopped reading a fic on the first chapter coz the author was writing again n again "her blue eyes with a golden ring around it". I mean come on. Over/ under information is the sign of a noob or bad writer.

I'm sorry for the rambling. It's a good start, looking forward to the next installment.


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