Reviews for Split by PriestessElena

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VS (Chapter 1) - Tue 01 May 2018

Hello,

since you are revising your chapters I would like to point out a few things you might think about:

1. What happened to Inuyasha's subjugation beads?

- Did they split up too, meaning that both children wear them now? But wouldn't that mean some major problems for Inu, after all he is Inuyasha's demon blood...

- Or does only Yasha wear them? But then you would have to give a reasonable explanation for this ocurrence...

- Or does they just lose their powers and are laying with Inuyasha's clothes on the ground? But I think their powers are too strong to just disconect with Inuyasha...and what will happen, when Inu and Yasha fuse to Inuyasha again...

2. Questions to Inu

- When Inuyasha transforms into his demon form, he has facial markings...shouldn't Inu has some too?

- You might also like to think about demonic powers like Sesshoumaru's poison whip or stuff like that, or about the major discussion if Sesshoumaru's mokomoko is his tail or not...because if you think it is, shouldn't Inu has one too?

 

This are just questions I had while reading your story ... you MIGHT think about them if you like - or not, after all it is your story.

 

I look forward to your next update!

 


Koree (Chapter 6) - Tue 24 Apr 2018

Definitely loving this story


VS (Chapter 6) - Wed 18 Apr 2018

Hello,

I haven't been on doguka for a few days and I come back to see you updated two chapters. Congratulations!!!

Chapter 5:

To be honest, you kind of rushed things in this chapter to much...there was no questioning about the whereabouts of his companions, Sesshoumaru didn't hesitate to help them - nothing like "why should this Sesshoumaru help mere ningens and his half-breed brother" - he even sat in camp with them...he was kinda much ooc...

Chapter 6:

I love to see, that you focus on the interaction between the boys and Kagome! This was such a sweet chapter! And your idea with Yashas fart was just hilarious!!!

I'm really wondering why Kagome knows how to act like an Inu...

I also hope you will explain the relationship between Inu and Sesshoumaru: does Inus insticts scream "Alpha" and "Family" to him, when he sees the lord, or more like "danger" - a warning from his life as InuYasha?

 

I look forward to your next chapter!

 


Cheyanna (Chapter 6) - Wed 18 Apr 2018

I fell over when I read the hide and seek part!!! I can totally see Yasha farting to beat his Inu lol! Can’t wait to read more!!!;) 


Cheyanna (Chapter 5) - Wed 18 Apr 2018

I can’t wait for more!!!!!;) I already love it!!! Inu and Yasha are adorable!!


princess of the western lands (Chapter 5) - Mon 16 Apr 2018

Great update. Its well written but i think the program or device your using is giving you trouble. If you'd like a beta i can do that for you. Someone to bounce ideas off of and give you that different perspective your looking for. I enjoy your story and look forward to the next chapter.

 

Update soon onegai

 

Ja ne


princess of the western lands (Chapter 4) - Fri 13 Apr 2018

The time with each child is well defined and I like how you've given shippou a little maturity but not too much since he's still a kid. I'm loving the two sides of inu,yasha and how well your description of their personalities is flowing through the story. I just wish there was a little more time elapse description between leaving the old camp and traveling to find sesshomaru. But you did give some background about days gone by with kagome's point of view of the toddlers. I wonder what sesshomaru's reaction is going to be when he realizes the toddlers are Inuyasha.

 

Update soon onegai

 

Ja ne


Jennie Duong (Chapter 4) - Fri 13 Apr 2018

This is the cutest story I’ve ever read!


waterwomen1414 (Chapter 4) - Fri 13 Apr 2018

You might reread what you write I've noticed a few places were information is given then changed.

Example:

          At first you said that the boys looked to be between 4-6 but then you described them and keep using the word toddler which indicates that they are more likely around 2-3 years old. 

 

Another one is when she wakes up she thinks that it's so wonderful that shippo is understanding about the boys and you say they have been traveling for a few weeks rather then a week. You keep going back and forth on the time line. 

 

Other then those few areas it is very well read and I wonder what will happen when sesshomaru finds out. Lol I look forward to your next update.


VS (Chapter 4) - Tue 10 Apr 2018

Hello,

I have to say I'm melting...this was such a sweet chapter!!! I love the interaction between Kagome and the kids. And your characterization of Inu and Yasha is absolut authentic: they are indeed two diffrent charachters but share at the same time common characteristics with our adult hanyou. Well done!!!

Just a suggestion: if you edit your previous chapters try also to correct this mistake: you tend to begin a sentence with a small letter.

I really look forward to your next update!

P.S. I know this is a strange question, but did you change your name?


cassandra (Chapter 4) - Mon 09 Apr 2018

Oh now this should be good. I can't wait to see how sesshomaru reacts when they tell him what happened. 


Debra (Chapter 4) - Mon 09 Apr 2018

Aww... the toddlers are so cute!! I can totally picture Kagome being all cuddly and motherly with them. I can’t wait for her to fill Sesshoumaru in on what has happened to InuYasha.


Tessitura (Chapter 4) - Mon 09 Apr 2018

oh this was a tease!!!


VS (Chapter 3) - Thu 29 Mar 2018

Hello,

 

I'm glad I could help ;) This is a really nice chapter and I'm glad to see that it is longer than the previous two!

 

But there is one thing I didn't get: do Inu and Yasha somehow know they have once been one? What exactly is their relationship?

 

I hope the gang will not find a solution soon, insted it would be nice  if you would continue to focus on the two children: who of them will develop faster, who is more clingy, who will feel the need to protect the other, or will they be rivals? ... stuff like that ... 

 

I hope there will also be a lot of fighting for Kagomes attention ;)

 

I really see forward to your next chapter!


VS (Chapter 1) - Wed 28 Mar 2018

I forgot to mention before: as far as I remember Puritysan was volunteering for being a Beta not so long ago...try to message her. There is also a section for authors who need a Beta, or volunteer to be one, in the Doguka Forum.

Good luck!


VS (Chapter 2) - Wed 28 Mar 2018

Hello,

 

first of all congratulations!!! It's absolute refreshing to read about a completely new idea! I have to say that I don't remember reading about a similar plot! Therefore I would like this story to not be abandoned, like so many others...

 

Honestly I find your writing style good, you do not need to hesitate and be afraid of what we would think, just keep going on ;)

 

The only suggestion I have: try to stay in the past forms, you switch between present and past forms... 

 

I look forward to your next update!


Nicole (Chapter 2) - Fri 23 Mar 2018

Nice please update soon


princess of the western lands (Chapter 2) - Fri 23 Mar 2018

I knew this would be a good story. I hope you find a beta reader. Your chapters have been good and clearly express what you want your readers to know. I'm looking forward to your next chapter.

 

Update soon onegai

 

Ja ne


cassandra (Chapter 2) - Fri 23 Mar 2018

Aw! I just adore these kinds of stories where he's changed to a cute little boy.  I'm curious to see how the little human inuyasha is going to act.


cassandra (Chapter 1) - Mon 19 Mar 2018

This sounds like it's going to be an awesome story! I can't wait to see what you have in store for us! 


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