Mona (Chapter 4) - Sun 19 Mar 2017

This seems like it has potential but the grammar needs a lot work.  Good luck!

Mona (Chapter 1) - Thu 16 Feb 2017

This could be great but the grammar is surely lacking.  I hope to read more and see how this fic progresses though.

Daniella (Chapter 1) - Sun 22 Jan 2017

Keep posting!

kaoruhana (Chapter 1) - Mon 09 Jan 2017


First, I like the idea and concept of your story.  I, for one, would be interested to see where this story leads.  However, there are certain issues that I think, if addressed, will make this story a must-read.  You may want to work on the proper capitalization, spacing, and grammar related to quotations.  Doing so makes stories easier to read and seem better thought out.  You may also want to work on back-story and characterization more.  For example, Rin's first reaction on seeing Kagome is that she is losing a playmate.  Even if she is young, I would imagine Rin would be a little shocked at seeing Kagome there, lying in a pool of blood.  The same could be said regarding Sesshomaru's reaction to seeing his father alive, etc. etc.  You may also think of writing more about the group dynamics in the Inutachi.  Surely, they would have fled Inuyasha if he killed Kagome?  If not, why are they with him and not attacking him?  

All in all, as I said, this story looks promising, and I would love to read it.  If you were able to fix certain things about it however (suggestion-- don't feel the compulsion to follow what I say), I know it could easily become a really great story.  

Good luck writing!

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