I am soooo happy for this update!! I wish Sesshomaru would just come out and tell the rest he wants her! She needs to stop avoiding him also!
Hello!
Wow, I think this is my first time reviewing a fic on this website. I like your story. I think it could be much better, if you had a beta reader look over your story and help you catch and fix the mistakes.
For example:
Natsu thought Kagome that ... => I think you mean to say => Natsu taught Kagome that...
Thought is past tense of think, while taught is past tense of teach.
There are a few others but this one is one I see repeatedly and I am coming to believe no one has said anything to you.
The story is good and interesting but the choice of wording and the way the sentences are written can be very confusing and take the reader completely out of a story. That would eventually mean they would stop reading it altogether. I don't think that is fair because I really do think this is a good story with a lot of potential And it should be read and enjoyed by many people.
The only reason I was able to get as far as I did (currently chapter 20) is that I was an English teacher for 10 years in another country . I taught English to students ranging from kindergarten - University. I have a lot of practice deciphering other people's writing and their first language was not English.
It was only when I get to the parts that made no sense at all, no matter how many times I repeatedly read the sentence or paragraph. That would be when I have them redo it or explain to me what they were trying to say then I would show them a correct way.
I really think you should look into a beta reader. I could even do it. Your chapters aren't too long and it wouldn't take me too much time.
The way it was done with my students:
1. Copy and paste it into google docs (free)
2. Share it to only people who have the link and the viewers can comment. That way where the person comments is where they wrote notes.
Very simple and easy.
Again, I really do like your story and I want to see the rest. I think you have a very good idea.
DNogitsue
HI , I LOVE THIS FANFIC....IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES BEING WRITTEN RIGHT NOW....I HOPE YOU WILL CONTINUE TO UPDATE OFTEN...I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING NEW CHAPERS UP....KEEP UP THE GREAT WRITTING....I HOPE MIROKU FINDS A NICE,BEAUTIFUL,DEMONESS TO MATE AND LIVE A LONG LIFE TO THE FUTURE WITH KAGOME AS HER BROTHER EVENIF THEY ARE NOT RELATED BY BLOOD....BUT THEY REALLY COULD BE....KAGOME COULD BE DESCENDANT OF MIDORIKO AND MIROKU COULD BE DESCENDANT OF A SISTER OR BROTHER OF MIDORIKO....AFTER ALL MIDORIKO WAS FOUND AS A CHILD AND TAKEN IN AFTER SHE BELIEVED HER FAMILY WAS KILLED. IF SHE ESCAPED SO COULD A BROTHER OR SISTER. I READ A FANFIC ONCE WHERE SHE HAD A SISTER WHO HAD A DAUGHTER OVER 10 YEARS AGO. KAEDE,MIROKU,AND MYOGA ALL SAID IN THE SERIES THAT KAGOME LOOKED ,ACTED AND HER POWERS WERE MORE LIKE THOSE OF MIDORIKO THAN KIKYO . SO IT'S VERY POSSIBLE THAT SHE WAS DESENDED FROM MIDORIKO'S LINE . KAGOME HERSELF SAID THAT THERE FAMILY LINE GOES ALL THE WAY BACK TO AT LEAST THE FEUDAL ERA,POSSIBLY THE HEIAN ERA WHICH IS WHEN TOUGA WAS LORD. SANGO DESERVES TO BE LEFT ALONE FOR WHAT SHE DID TO POOR MIROKU... OR MADE A CONCUBINE . IF I WAS KILALA THE FIRE CAT,I WOULD ASK KAGOME TO LET HER BE HER COMPANION INSTEAD OF STAYING WITH SANGO. IN MY EYES SANGO BETRAYED MIROKU AND KAGOME BY DOING WHAT SHE DID....SHE KEPT MIROKU DANGLING FOR YEARS...WAITING....KAGOME NEEDS TO STOP BEING STUBBORN AND GIVE SESS A CHANCE. SESS NEEDS TO STEP UP OR HE COULD LOOSE KAGOME TO ANY ONE OF SEVERAL DOZENS OF MALES FROM WHAT I'M READING. KAGS NEEDS TO HURRY AND CATCH KIKYO IN THE ACT OF HAVING SEX WITH SOME GUARDS. HOPEFULLY WITH INUYASHA,SESS,NATSU,TOUGA, SESS'S MOM AND MIROKU WALKING IN AT THE SAME TIME AND SEEING IT ALL....PERHAPS THE COUNCIL TOO....TO MAKE SURE SHE'S KICKED OUT OF THE FAMILY...HOPE SHE IS GIVEN DEATH FOR THE BETRAYAL...DOES KAGOME HAVE HER FULL SOUL OR CAN SHE NOW JUST TAKE THE PIECE KIKYO STOLE SO LONG AGO.WITH ALL HER POWER KAGOME WILL HAVE NO PROBLEM GETTING HER SOUL PIECE BACK PERHAPS THAT IS ALL SHE WILL NEED TO REVEAL HER TRUE SELF...................................................................TDAN..........................UPDATE SOON
Honestly, this just keeps getting better and better. I smiled ridiculously big while reading this chapter, i hope exams go well for you and I cant wait to read more!
I wonder how sess is gonna react to this now as well..
Whew kagome needs a romp and quick! >_> too bad sess just can't come out and tell her
Another great chapter.
This is a great story! I read it all in a few hrs and then got angry with myself for not pacing better. I CANNOT wait for the next update. I also love me.some harem manga. I am not gonna lie I love the basassness of Kagome in this fic and her small harem .
Love it! Miroku really has the big brother thing down. Really cool by the way, on how he tells her to just tell Sesshomaru how she feels to see what Sesshomaru will do lol
HI, I SO LOVE THIS FANFIC ....SO FAR ITS GOING GREAT BUT CHAPTERS ARE KIND OF SHORT....FEED YOUR MUSE MORE IN BETWEEN BREAKS...LOL...JUST KIDDING....ANYWAYS I THINK YOUR DOING A GREAT JOB WITH THE STORY.....IT HAS ROMANCE,ANGST,ACTION, AND A GREAT PLOT....CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE.....................HOPE TO SEE AN UPDATE UP REAL SOON!!!!!!........................................................................TDAN
Update soon
I think Miroku should move on, but also, I'm not mad about this Eiji situation. amelling him all over Kagome might be the thing to snap him into action >w>
Good chapter.
Great story so far, the small typos, sentences issues, and missing words make me laugh as I try to mentally fix some of the issues however there was one that left me going "what even was this suppose to be?!" Lols. Anyways can't wait for the next chapter c:
Anonymous (Chapter 23) - Wed 10 Jun 2020
I love harem for Kagome as well as long as Inuyasha is not involved. He wanted kikyo he got her, done.
Page 1 of 5
| | | | | | | | | | | | | 