What The Heart Wants by sarhea
What The Heart Wants
Categories: AU, gen, het, angst, drama
Characters/Pairing: Sesshoumaru, Kagome, Rin
AN: AU canon. It's been ages since I've dipped my toe in this pairing but I've been caught up in other fandoms and crossover pairings. Been reviewing some of the forum posting/challenges and I've outlined several fics but I need to get my current WIPs out of the way first.
Warnings: None really
Spoilers: Manga ending
Beta: BT. Didn’t give her enough notice for a proper job. Thank you so much anyway.
Edited: Feb 28, 2015
Disclaimer: I do not own the InuYashaverse and characters – Kagome, Sesshoumaru, Rin, etc – Rumiko Takahashi and co do. Just playing with the characters, not making any money.
For: Kittinaz Feb 2015 Writing Contest 3rd place.
she said, 'never forget me'
as if the coast could forget the ocean
or the lung could forget the breath
or the earth could forget the sun
~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~
~ooO What The Heart Wants Ooo~
Sesshoumaru was not a sentimental youkai — everyone knew that. He had spent several centuries on the Path of Conquest before being derailed by a miko and a human girl-child.
The miko was an irritant — always clinging to the hanyou, screaming to be saved. And yet she had had her moments of brilliance and bravery — the contrast left him disconcerted. As time passed she turned from an irritant to a semi-dependable ally. By the time Naraku and Magatsuhi had been vanquished he had developed a solid respect for the miko. Her disappearance, right after their victory over Magatsuhi and Naraku, had disconcerted him but not for long — the houshi in the hanyou’s pack had assured him the miko had returned to her people, in a far distant land.
When his heart-daughter died it broke something within him. He had always believed himself to be unmovable, unaffected by sentiment. Rin had bent to accommodate him, not the other way. Rin had worried about him, even though he was clearly stronger, faster, durable in a way she wasn’t. He didn’t hate ningens, but so few had the strength and character to draw and keep his attention in a non-destructive manner. Rin was the sentimental one, who cried at marriages, births, and deaths. Sesshoumaru let his housekeeper and Jaken handle all those details.
Rin was the one who insisted he visit her annually after she had married. Her husband was one of the few ningens brave to trade with youkai clans, and honourable to fulfill the contract terms and not cheat youkai parties. This made him and his clan and family wealthy and feared in ningen society. Rin refused to cut ties and her husband had been agreeable keeping ties with the Western Lord. Sesshoumaru knew the scent of all her children and grand-children. She told them stories about her travels, youkai culture and history, and the events she had witnessed.
Once he had asked her ‘Why’. Why did she work so hard to keep their pack ties intact, why she did not allow them to wither and settle into her new ningen life. ‘You need a pack Sesshoumaru-sama. Since you have decided to delay taking a mate, my children and I will be your pack.’ She was right, about his preference to not take a mate. He was young, virile, with a strong wanderlust. His own sire had not mated his dam until Inu no Taisho had reached his third millennia.
Near the end of her life Rin had made a last trip to his stronghold, the Western Fortress. She had spent the entire duration of her stay talking about children and family, and the comforts and growth both could bring. If it had been anyone else Sesshoumaru would have decapitated the interloper. But it was Rin, and she was so fragile and tired. So he did not walk away, and instead he listened to her speak though he gave no signs of acknowledgment. But she did not give up, not even when she was weakened and weary enough to be confined to a futon. At that point something shifted within inu-youkai.
He was not one to give into any being’s prodding but he did for her, for the only one to follow him faithfully, never making demands on his time or wealth. And even this request was not for her personal benefit but his. She wanted him to be… happy. She died that same night with only one more request. ‘Never forget me.’
The Western Fortress household staff and his retainers thought him unaffected by Rin’s passing. He went about, fulfilling his duties and responsibilities to his people and lands as he always did. He maintained the trade treaties with Rin’s ningen clan, with Rin’s children. He made it a point to acknowledge and maintain those ties with her descendants. And he never forgot, because Rin would forever be in his heart.
~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~
As the decades and centuries passed the world changed and youkai retreated into the shadows, hidden and unseen by the growing ningen populace. Sesshoumaru was still a Lord of his kind and he had changed but he never forgot Rin.
Four hundred years after Rin died it became clear his half-brother’s miko was from a different time, from this time. The style of her clothing, her shoes, the yellow travelling pack, they were prevalent in ningen society now. Or would it be soon?
Sesshoumaru found himself intrigued for the first time in decades. This was something unexpected, new and different. He wanted to know more so he went to the kitsune, the only one of his half-brother’s pack to survive to this era. He was a teacher at a local ningen high school. Reluctantly the kitsune had agreed to meet him at a ningen cafe, a neutral location.
~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~
“Why do you want to know Sesshoumaru?”
“I am curious.”
Shippo snorted over his cup of green tea. “You’re curious now? After five hundred years?”
“Recently I realized the clothing she wore, the shoes she wore, the way she talked and acted… she was born in this time.” It was more of a statement than question.
Shippo nodded. “Yeah.”
“How did she travel to the past? The Shikon?”
“Yes.”
“Tell me more.”
Shippo hesitated. “You cannot interfere. What happened in the past has to happen now so the events in the past take place.”
Sesshoumaru understood the kitsune’s caution and made a vow to not interfere with the miko’s life, not until she had returned from the final battle. And then Shippo told him everything he knew.
Their cups had been drained and refilled several times before Shippo was done.
“Do you know where she lives?”
“Yes. Do you want the address?”
“I would not have ask otherwise.”
Shippo wrote the details on a paper napkin and slid it across the table to Sesshoumaru.
“Do you wish to accompany me?” Sesshoumaru asked carefully. Technically the miko was the kitsune’s adoptive mother and he had greater claim on her.
Shippo shook his head. “I stay away from the shrine because it hurts. I know all the pain and stress she is going to endure in the near future and I want to protect her from it, but it has to come to pass… I have to stand back and watch her suffer. I’m not strong enough to do it Sesshoumaru. If I see her I will interfere to protect her.”
The inu-youkai nodded thoughtfully. The kitsune was wise to recognize and compensate for his weaknesses. “Then your plan?”
“I’m going to wait until she returns and the Well is sealed. We know she did not return after the Final Battle. We all believed she returned back to her birth time before it was sealed permanently.”
That was a sensible course of action.
~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~
Of course being Sesshoumaru he went a step further and ordered a detailed, in-depth background investigation into the Higurashi family and the shrine. He made arrangements to set-up a trust so the shrine would remain in the miko’s family. When the father passed away he increased the income distributed from the trust, to help alleviate the financial stress. His investigators prepared semi-annual reports of the miko. She reminded him of Rin — an open, cheery, loving child who grew into a genuine and honest teenager who only wanted everyone to be happy.
And then the day came. She fell into the Well and vanished. She returned several hours later weeping and bruised, wounded emotionally. It was only then that Sesshoumaru realized the kitsune was wiser than Sesshoumaru. The inu-youkai had become emotionally invested in the miko. At some point, she had burrowed her way into his heart, without even trying — just like Rin.
It was hard, standing back and watching her return distraught, when InuYasha appeared to drag her back into the past. InuYasha had died in Hiroshima. He had been old and worn by that time. It was disconcerting seeing him so brash and youthful.
As she matured into the woman he fought beside so long ago, the one he couldn’t help but remember. He could not forget the woman who saved the world. How could he forget? It would be asking the coast to forget the ocean, the lungs to forget to breath, the earth to forget the sun.
~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~
He had calculated it exactly. Today was the day the miko would be returning. There would be no more trips into the past.
Sesshoumaru dressed carefully in a light gray suit matched with a blood-red shirt. The tie was white with his insignia, stylized red sakura flowers. His driver dropped him off at the shrine and he walked up the ancient stone steps for the second time, the first being when he saw her as a child more than a decade ago.
He did not blend into the typical shrine visitors — his expensive clothes, height and dominating aura. The miko’s mother took note of him but she did not single him out in any way, shape, or form. He took the first opportunity to escape from the visitors group and retreat to the yard. It was still early in the afternoon. He sat down on a wooden bench and waited.
Five minutes before the calculated time he sensed the magic surge, saw the blue light shine through the boards of the Well house.
She was back.
It did not take long for her to make her appearance. She looked exhausted and drained, very much like Rin near the end of her life. But Kagome was young and had several decades before her twilight years.
She recognized him through the glamour. He knew it in her quickened steps, her shallow breaths, her widened eyes.
“Sesshoumaru?”
He lifted the rose-tinted shades and set them on top of his head. “Welcome back miko.”
She burst into tears and threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist and crying into his custom-made shirt and silk tie. Surprisingly he did not feel the need to push her away. Instead he settled one hand on her back and the other on top of her head, stroking her back and head, comforting her as had comforted Rin so long ago.
She tilted her head back to meet his eyes.
“This is the end. I don’t go back into the past, do I,” she deduced.
“Correct. How do you know?”
She shrugged slightly. “I felt the well seal, the magic fade.” Her shoulders lifted and set as she pulled herself together and took a step back. “So what now?”
He smiled slightly. “We live.”
Her face fell. “How? It hurts so much! I want to go back! I want to see everyone!”
“Don’t try to rush yourself miko. Live one day at a time. The hurt will fade as the days passes.” He reached out and slid one finger under her chin, lifting her face up to meet his eyes. “Honour and cherish your memories. Remember them and never forget.” Then he laughed softly. “Besides, some of us did survive to this time.” Seeing her hopeful expression he continued quickly. “InuYasha died several decades ago but the ookami-prince and your kitsune son still live.”
She nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, but I’m a little confused. Inuyasha never sensed any youkai when he came through the well. But clearly they still exist since you’re here and telling me there are others. How?”
“All youkai and hanyou use glamours and spells to mask their appearance and jyaki. And this area was claimed by the kitsune and myself, marked as off-limits.”
“So my powers would not have been awakened when I was a child.”
“Correct.”
“Something else… Shippo I can understand, but why you? I mean we were allies but we weren’t really friends or anything…” she trailed off.
Sesshoumaru knew he was at a cross-roads. He could pretend to feel nothing, claim he was fulfilling an old promise to Inuyasha. He could arrange for her to meet her old friends and never see her again. Or he could take a chance and not deny what he really wanted… a chance to get to know her and see where it would lead.
“I never forgot you miko. For many decades I regretted allowing my pride and Inuyasha to keep me away from you. I will not waste a second chance.”
Her eyes widened and her sharp inhaled breath was a knife in the silence.
“Sesshoumaru-sama…”
“I am not making promises and I do not expect you to make any yourself. All I ask for is the opportunity to get to know you.”
Her lips curved into a tremulous smile and held her hand out. He took it in his own much larger one. He could feel the calluses and small nicks from her extensive archery practice and battle experience.
“I am honoured.”
He was done denying himself and pretending to maintain a facade of ice. He was going to give himself the opportunity to pursue his heart’s desire… Kagome.
~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~
The End
~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~oooo~
AN: Leaving it open-ended. It could lead to a romance or just friendship/companionship based on the reader’s preferences. Hope you enjoyed reading it.