Forbidden Love by BelovedStranger

Seed of Hope

Prompt: 'Live for today, for tomorrow never comes.' 

His worst fears lay before him—literally. As Kagome trembled on the ground just a few feet away, Sesshomaru was at a complete loss as to what to do. He’d been beyond foolish by how he went about revealing his true nature. Regret set heavily in his chest.

“Kagome…please…” he whispered.

She seemed to struggle inwardly with herself, but at least she had stopped screaming. The echo of that fear-filled cry continued to ring in his mind, regardless.

“What…” She swallowed noticeably before trying again, her voice pitched low, and the fear in her eyes lessened as she searched his face, but it was still present. “What just happened? I-I don’t understand. What you just did… The flying and with that man…”

Hope was a fickle thing. Since Kagome was trying to understand and not run madly in the opposite direction, a small bud of hope emerged. He hated it, because he knew once Kagome fully understood, she would still turn from him—in disgust and loathing. But it was too late now to turn back time. Even though he could wipe her memories of what just occurred, he knew this conversation was inevitable. It was about time he confessed. But he was not foolish to think that understanding equaled acceptance.

Voice thick, he answered. “I am a legend that walks amongst mortal men, a living nightmare. Vampire.” He said the last word with a hiss of displeasure, not at all proud to be what he was.

“Are you mad?” she asked in disbelief, before her eyes widened, and he could see her gazing at him in remembrance of what he’d just showed her. Dark eyes falling on the human behind him, she shuddered. “T-there’s blood…on your face,” she murmured when she looked back at him.

He stiffened before lifting his hand and brushing his thumb over the thin trail of blood running down the corner of his mouth. Without thinking, he swiped at it and licked his thumb clean. Only after Kagome made a strangled sound in the back of her throat did he become aware of his actions. Floundering, feeling at a loss and awkward in her presence, he opened his mouth to apologize, but no words spilled forth. He closed his mouth with a snap.

“How did you… When did you become…like this?” she asked weakly.

“Not willingly.” His voice was hard, the old, simmering anger filling him at the memory of that night so long ago. “I died when I was thirty-two, and since then I have lived for another five hundred years.”

“Five hundred?” she repeated weakly.

Nodding, Sesshomaru took a hesitant step towards her, but when she stiffened, he stopped.

“I know that you are afraid,” he murmured. “But I will not harm you. Ever. If you believe nothing else, Kagome, at least believe that.”

She stared up at his face for the longest time as if searching for something. A lie? After what seemed like forever, she finally moved. As if in slow motion, she lifted her hand towards him, silently asking him to help her to her feet. He stepped forward, grateful for this small boon. Clasping that small, warm hand, he gently pulled her up, but when she was on her feet, he reluctantly released her. They stared at each other silently for a moment or two. The silence was deafening and uncomfortable, for him at least.

Suddenly, she spoke. “You once said you were allergic to the sunlight. That’s not completely true, is it?”

He shook his head once. “If the sun touched my flesh, I would burn and rise no more.”

“Rise?” she parroted. “What does that mean?”

It was hard for him to have this conversation with her, but he forced himself to speak truthfully. “When the sun rises, during the day, I die, over and over again, only to rise again once night falls.”

“And you need blood to live.” It was a statement, not a question. Still, he nodded—once.

Kagome glanced at the man behind him again, this time with bleak eyes. He wondered when she would condemn him, when she would turn away in revulsion. It was maddening, this waiting. Part of him just wanted to get it over with, while another held on to these last few moments with her.

“Have you… Do you…kill when you…”

“No. I have long since mastered control of my thirst. There is no pain, no memory of my taking, and no lasting effects.”  

She didn’t look at him when she asked, “Have you…with me..?”

“No. You are not and never have been or will ever be prey to me, Kagome.”

“Do you want to?” Now she looked up at him.

He swallowed thickly, remembering that small taste he’d accidently had. His voice came out a thin rasp when he answered. “Yes.”

When Kagome took a step towards him, he unconsciously retreated. She stopped but her eyes bore into his. “Can I touch you? I need to… I want to check something…”

“What are you searching for?” He did not want her to touch him. He ached for her to do just that.

She shook her head, her eyes not once leaving his, and there was a desperation in them he did not understand. “It’s not something you can answer.”

After a short pause, he finally nodded his head once, and held himself stiffly as she advanced three steps, putting them just inches away from each other. The distance was small yet it felt like a chasm lay between them. Her hand went to his chest, right over his heart. Was she seeing if it beat? She dispelled that thought when she spoke next.

“It’s still there.”

Confused, he frowned down at her. “What is?”

She flushed, which only added to his confusion. “Ah…that connection. Attraction,” she breathed the last.

Even as his lungs seized by her confession, it was her turn to frown. Her hand pressed harder against his chest.

“Where is..? Why don’t I feel your heartbeat?”

He went cold inside. “It hasn’t for five hundred years.”

Her hand slipped from his chest, and when she tried to take a step back, Sesshomaru grabbed that hand in desperation, and forced it back where it had been.

Anguish filled her eyes. “So you really are dead..?”

It hurt to hear her say those words even though they were true.

Still, he asked, “If I am dead, then why is there a vicious pain where my heart should be? It has long since ceased beating, and yet I feel it all the same.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she looked at their clasped hands, but she did not tell him to release her or try to reclaim her hand. Instead, she pressed against his chest again, and for some reason, it seemed like she was crying for him. Was it alright for him to believe that, or was it merely wishful thinking?

“I’m afraid,” she whispered hoarsely.

“You do not have to force yourself to stay with me. Allow me to set you up in your own place, support you financially, at least until you can survive on your own.”

“No!”

His heart plummeted. She looked up at him.

“I mean… I…don’t want to leave.”

“What are you saying?”

She shook her head and bit her bottom lip before she looked away and her bangs hid her eyes. “I don’t know. I’m so confused, but… I don’t want to leave… Not yet.”

Not yet.

Those words left him dead inside. But for now, she seemed willing to remain with him. For a day? A week? Longer? Perhaps less. It didn’t matter. He was not about to force her away from him. If she wanted to stay with him, for however long, he would not turn her away. Selfish desire though it was, he did not fight it.

“For as long as you wish for my presence, Kagome, I will never be far away,” he rasped, emotions clogging his throat.

Using her free hand, she punched his arm, surprising him. He hardly felt it, more like a feather than anything, but her eyes turned angry.

“Did you have to be so…horribly cruel?” she growled.

He blinked in astonishment, her hand falling away as he released her. She pointed at the fallen man behind him.

“Was that…performance, really necessary? Were you trying to scare me half to death?”

“I…”

“Couldn’t you have been a little gentler in telling me your secret?” she continued, fuming.

Not understanding her swift change in mood, Sesshomaru wasn’t sure how to respond. “Would you have believed me had I just said ‘I’m a vampire’?”

She rubbed the back of her head, making a sound of annoyance and looked away for a second. “Maybe… Probably not.” She sighed. “I would have most likely thought you were crazy. But still!” She poked him in the chest with her index finger. “You could have handle it better than…” She waved her hand towards the man again. “…that.”

He nodded, agreeing with her. Feeling contrite, which was new to him, he stared at her, lost, not sure how to proceed. Things were not going how he’d thought they would be. He wasn’t sure yet if that was a good or bad thing.

She glanced at the man again. “Ah…do we just leave him there?”

Again he nodded.

She bit her bottom lip. “What if something bad were to happen.”

Sesshomaru did not care in the slightest; he never did, but he was not about to admit it to her.

“He will wake shortly and be on his way,” he said.

Unexpectedly, she asked, “Do the others know?”

He instantly knew what she meant: Michael and his family. “Yes.”

She nodded and reached for his hand. “I like and trust them. What’s more, I trust you. You’ve never hurt me, not once, and you’ve always been there for me, helping me. I don’t know what I think about this whole situation, but for now, I wish to stay with you. Is that alright?”

Warmth flooded his chest, and that bud of hope grew stronger. He tightened his hand around hers, squeezing gently. “Yes.”

She gazed shyly up at him, and though there was uncertainty in her eyes, she did not shy away from him, and the fear was all but gone. “There’s still a couple of hours before morning. Are… Are you busy until then?”

Moving slowly so as not to startle her, he wrapped his free arm around her, his palm over her lower back. She was so small. His hand literally spanned her back, from thumb to pinky. She was breakable, terrifyingly so, and he took great care not to hurt her even by accident.

“My time is yours. What would you like to do?”

Kagome pressed her cheek against his chest, leaned against him, and wrapped her arms loosely around his hips. “Can you just…hold me? Just for a little while?” He couldn’t miss the vulnerability in her voice. His arms tightened around her. Then gently, he stroked the back of her hair, giving and receiving comfort. Obviously, they both needed it after the emotional upheaval that had recently occurred. Neither spoke, but this time it was not an uncomfortable silence.

“You are so brave,” he told her.

She shook her head against him. “I’m not.”

He chuckled ruefully, brushing her hair behind her ear so he could stroke her cheek with the back of his fingers. “You are at this moment holding onto a demon. That takes courage.”

“You’re wrong,” she whispered. “It doesn’t take bravery to be with you. I want to.”

“Even after all I’ve done, how I’ve scared you?” he asked, surprised yet pleased.

“I admit, that was a pretty mean thing to do but… I think I understand why you did it, at least a little. Still kinda mad at you, though.”

She didn’t sound mad, but sulking. Impossibly, a small grin formed on his lips.

Just then, the man behind them groaned. Kagome stiffened against him and would have drawn back, but Sesshomaru tightened his arms. Bending, he picked her up in his arms, holding her like a bride. Wide eyed, she wrapped her arms around his neck, staring up at him in question.

Leaning down, he murmured against her temple. “Let me show you the beauty of flight, to rectify my deplorable actions from before.”

Her fingers tightened, but her eyes were trusting, if a little guarded, as she met his stare. She gave the tiniest of nods. “Don’t drop me.” There was fear in her voice again.

“Never,” he replied firmly.

—

“The sun approaches,” Sesshomaru said.

He and Kagome were in the living room of his manor, sitting on one of the couches, watching the end of a movie. Kagome had asked him to spend time with her, so she’d decided on a movie night. That she wished to stay with him surprised him enough, that she curled up against his side as they sat on the sofa touched him, humbled him. She was so very precious to him. His arm was around her shoulders, her hand on his thigh, and her face upturned to him after he’d spoken. He wanted the night to never end, to last forever, for he was finally at peace, but the sun approached. He could feel it.

Kagome clutched at him, worry clear to see on her face. “Does it hurt? You said it was like dying.”

Swallowing bile at the knowledge of what was to come, fear trying to choke him, because though he’d been a vampire for centuries, it still unnerved him when the sun overpowered him. “It doesn’t hurt…that much. But, like my heart, my body ceases to function, my mind is stuck in a black abyss, and yet my body does not decompose.” 

“That sounds scary.”

She didn’t realize how correct she was.

“Does it scare you?” she asked unexpectedly.

Not wishing to admit to his gut-wrenching fear, he replied, “It is…unsettling.” Then, “I have yet to get used to it.”

As if she knew what he did not admit, she hugged him tightly, offering what comfort she could. Strong emotions riding him, he leaned down and kissed her forehead for a long second.

“I must go.” His lips brushed against her brow like butterfly wings.

Reluctantly, he released her and they both got to their feet. They stood inches away and stared into one another’s eyes.

“Can I come with—”

“No!” he cut in a little too sharply, before gentling his words. “No. You do not need to see that.”

She seemed ready to argue, but she nodded after a second’s silence.

And then he was gone. Having waited a little too long, he used his demonic speed. Safely in his coffin, the steel door to his rooms tightly locked, he soon felt his body succumb to the sun’s power; his last thought was, Kagome.