Forbidden Love by BelovedStranger

A World so Fickle

Prompt: 'A friend to everybody is a friend to nobody.'  

Fate despised him. There could be no other conclusion. Fate literally had it out for him, spitting on him, attacking him from behind when he least expected it, and threatening everything he held dear time and time again. What had he done that was so wrong for life to continue to treat him with the utmost cruelty? First, he’d fallen in love with his own flesh and blood centuries ago, of all things, which was grossly inappropriate and wrong on so many levels. As he lived with those feelings of unrequited love, the lust that had constantly thrummed through his body at just the sight of Kikyo, another slap in the face took her away from him.

He’d become a vampire, a fiend that could not stand the light of day, who cowered from the holy objects within a church of Christ—surely He was real for this to happen?—and needing the blood of humans to ‘live’. His dark nature had made him flee, and he’d lost Kikyo not once but three times. First to her husband—though it had only been a matter of time that she be wed, it had still been painful to attend her wedding, to know that another man would touch and caress her delicate flesh and give her children—second had been a blow he’d never seen coming when he’d fled after becoming one of the damned, and then lastly, when Kikyo had died. Another natural occurrence he knew would happen, but despite knowing, the reality was always more soul crushing.

If that wasn’t cruel enough, fate had given him yet another seemingly impossible, gut wrenching feeling of love for another—the last of his descendants, one who just happened to resemble his deceased twin. It was unfair, cruel beyond imagining. And now that he’d been given a ray of hope, that Kagome accepted who and what he was wholeheartedly, the past returned in all its unpleasant glory, in the form of his dark creator—Hanako. She was a potential threat; however, if she was disinclined to interfere as he worried she might regardless of reassurances to the contrary, she was right—the hateful bitch.

Sooner or later, Kagome’s mortal life would come to an abrupt end—when she died.

Sesshomaru lifted his hand, staring down at his palm, and slowly clenched his fist. Within the demonic body he’d never wanted, he held within him immense power and strength, both physical and preternatural, but for all his awesome power, he held no sway over death. He could not prevent Kagome from dying. He could not save her from Death’s kiss. Agony.

Placing his fist over his heart, he reached out with his free hand, laying it upon the wall in his study, and bent over. Here, where no one could witness his show of defeat, he hung his head, allowing his hair to shroud his vision. His chest hurt. He shook his head twice, sharply. How was it possible when his heart was a useless organ inside his body—dead, as dead as he.

Why was life—even an un-dead one—so fucking hard? Was it normally this difficult? Or was he one of the unlucky ones to constantly be brought to his knees? He just wanted a little time to enjoy life, with Kagome, but all these obstacles threatened to ruin the first glimmer of happiness he’d ever been given.

Peace. Happiness. I just want one fucking year, or a month, a bloody week without all this…misery. Is that too much to ask? he inwardly seethed, a desperate plea he refused to give voice to.

But you can have happiness—eternally, his mind whispered insidiously to him, unbidden. All you have to do is change her, to be like you.

His body went into a cold sweat, desire, need making him dwell on the thought.

Yes, he could change her, make Kagome a vampire like him. Another though followed, unwanted. Like Hanako.

“No!” he snarled into the quiet, dark room.

Just the memory of the woman drove him to the brink of fury induced insanity. No, he couldn’t—wouldn’t—allow his precious girl to become a monster. After enough years, centuries, even the most pure hearted would change, and not for the better. Would she, too, become like Hanako, a conniving demon, a seductress who’d seduce her hapless victims and revel in their pain? Another instant denial rang in his mind, but a seed of doubt, of fear, plagued him. What if—

Would the sands of time tear them apart? Would they grow distant? The love they shared now, would it wither away and die? Would it be a gradual separation, or would it hit and then he was alone again? Would it be mutual, or another case of unrequited love after one or the other no longer felt the same?

So many questions. Each painful to contemplate, to even dare think about.

He couldn’t risk it. Any of it. To have heaven in the palm of his hand, the promise of eternity, only to see it slither from his grasp—too soon—in the end was heartbreaking.

A light knock sounded on his door, surprising him, for he had been too caught up in his inner turmoil to pay attention to reality around him—a gross mistake. Standing upright instantly, he methodically bottled up every ounce of his chaotic emotions, not wishing to appear so…broken in front of the one he now knew to be on the other side of his door.

“Sesshomaru, you in there?” came Kagome’s muffled voice.

Sesshomaru took in one, deep breath before he turned and waved his hand at the door, which opened on silent hinges. A surprised Kagome stood on the threshold when she realized no physical hand had opened the portal. Hesitancy clouded her face, before she waltzed in bravely, confronting the beast in his lair.

“Kagome.” A greeting. A prayer. His salvation.

She must have heard the underlying emotions in his voice, the things he tried to hide, for worry crossed her lovely face, and she walked closer, slightly faster, but stopped on the other side of his desk, as if she feared she was not welcome to walk around the imposing obstacle to his side. She shifted from one foot to the other, ringing her hands together near her stomach.

“Sesshomaru?” she called again, just as tentatively, but this time the worry he saw in her eyes was reflected in her voice. “Are you alright?” A whisper, an entreaty for him to confide in her.

Should he tell her? Inform her of what had occurred soon after dropping her off at the hospital, the very reason why he had sent Michael to retrieve her instead of he? What about his inner reflections, his worries and fears? Should he tell her? How could he not? Any good Dom wouldn’t keep such secrets between him and his partner. A mutual relationship of trust and understanding, but it was so new, fragile. He did not want it to break.

When he spoke, it was like the words were being dragged out of him unwillingly. “There is something you must know.”

She took a step closer. “What is it? What’s happened?” What was wrong? her words conveyed.

Everything.

“Everything.” His voice was heavy, and he couldn’t believe he’d given voice to his inner thought, his instant answer to her inquiry.

“Please tell me,” she implored.

He couldn’t. Not yet. Just a few more minutes, a few more seconds of peace, even though it was a lie—he was hiding. He didn’t care. Not right now.

He held out his hand for her to take. “Come here.” Was that his voice? More gruff than command?

Apparently so, for alarm flashed across her face, and she was charging around his desk—ignoring his hand—and pressing against him. Arms wrapped around his waist, Kagome placed her cheek against his lower chest. An embrace meant to comfort and show support. His arms held her gratefully, his shoulders curling, back slightly bent forward as he held her closer still.

“Kagome.” He couldn’t seem to stop saying her name. What else could he say?

“You’re worrying me, Sesshomaru.” She leaned back far enough so she could look up at him. “Tell me. What happened between the time you dropped me off for work and now? I can tell something has upset you.”

He felt her hands move along his back in a soothing gesture. He didn’t feel like she was belittling him or treating him like a child, but showing concern for him, and that touched him greatly. It made confiding in her easier when he saw her love reflecting back at him in her open gaze.

“Hanako appeared before me this eve.” That woman’s name tasted toxic on his tongue.

“Who is she?”

He swallowed thickly and forced himself to continue looking into Kagome’s eyes, instead of shying away like he wanted to. Coward, his mind mocked him, displeasing him with how accurate that derogatory name fit him.

“She was…is the one who made me into this…thing.”

“Don’t say that!” she cried, holding him tighter. “You are not a thing, Sesshomaru. I don’t care if you’re a vampire. You still have a conscience and feelings. I don’t care that you’re the Dom around here. I’m telling you never to say such a thing again, or think for one second that you are less than a decent human… ah…being who deserves just as much courtesy and respect as the next person.”

Kagome’s heated words took him aback, before an amused smile formed on his lips, surprising him that he was even capable of the gesture when he hadn’t felt like smiling a second ago.

“Such a spitfire, you are,” he murmured, stroking her back in a very like manner as she had just done to him.

“I mean it, Sesshomaru,” she insisted. Her agitation was palpable.

“Yes, ma’am.” It was a joke, an attempt at humor, and it worked, for she smiled, and even chuckled lightly.

“Why, Sesshomaru. Have our roles changed? You should have told me,” she teased right back.

Their bantering made his chest feel lighter, the turmoil inside his mind easing.

“You think you can tame me?” he asked, flashing fang. A small growl rumbled out of his chest, an animalistic sound of mock aggression, playful.

Kagome’s eyes widened at the sound he’d made instead of his words, he was sure. Instead of fear or uncertainty, she laughed, and patted his chest. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

He slapped her ass; she gasped. He did it again. A low moan this time.

“Now’s not the time…to play,” she said, though her eyes spoke a different story—a yes, more. “What happened with Hanako? Why is she here?” A puzzled frown turned her lips down. “Actually, I don’t really know anything about the time you were changed.”

His playful mood was snuffed out instantly by her words. She was right, though. Now—sadly—wasn’t the time to get kinky. Pity. It was much preferable than yet another difficult discussion with her. But tell her he did. She had a right to know.

“I met Hanako at a ball. She was lovely, dressed in a crimson gown, and mysterious. She was friendly to everybody, offering anyone and everyone a smile. I was feeling particularly…melancholy. The weight of my abnormal feelings for Kikyo was unbearable, so I let Hanako seduce me.”

Ever insightful, Kagome whispered, “So you slept with her.”

It wasn’t a question, but he nodded anyway. A shudder of revulsion shook him, and his arms tightened around Kagome, trying to forget the past with the present. To forget Hanako’s touch and remember Kagome’s.

“I am not proud of my actions. I feel…tainted, dirty at the memory.”

“You’re not, though. Tainted or dirty, that is.” Her words were soft and there was no judgement in her eyes.

He nodded, but the small gesture didn’t mean he agreed with her. He did feel dirty, knowing he’d been intimate with that…monster. It wasn’t really because Hanako was a vampire, but her whole attitude. She was perverse in a psychotic, evil way. If she’d once possessed any good qualities before she’d become the undead herself, it was no longer there. After tonight’s encounter, that fact had become obvious.

“When she changed me, it was after one of our…trysts,” he continued, trying to word his past sexual relationship with another woman as delicately as he could, considering Kagome was his paramour now. What was more, she was the woman he loved, and that made her even more precious.

“I had no idea she was a vampire, never even believed such creatures existed till I felt her fangs pierce my throat. I didn’t know at the time that she could have made her bite pleasurable. It hurt like hell, like she was trying to tear my throat open.” He almost cringed as he spoke the next part, remembered revulsion filling him. “I’m sure I was on the brink of death; she’d almost drained me completely, before force-feeding me her blood.”

Admitting to having his hand forced—in anything—was galling in the extreme. Humiliation made his cheeks burn. It hardly mattered that he had been weak from blood loss and that Hanako possessed inhuman strength. He’s been overpowered all the same, and it didn’t sit well with him then or now. He did not like viewing himself as a victim, refused to ever call himself that unflattering name aloud.

“I died that night.” He didn’t tell her how painful it was, and refused to think about the reason why. It wasn’t because he didn’t want her pity, but because the dark side of him wanted to change her, and didn’t want to scare her away from the possibility one day. No, he refused to ponder on it. “The next night I rose, my first as a vampire. Hanako told me what I was, how to survive, my strengths and weaknesses, but she abandoned me that same night. It was bad enough that she’d changed me against my will, but she forced me to stumble through my new life—alone. It was…difficult.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you. It sounds horrible, not because you’re a vampire,” she said quickly, “but because she forced it on you.” There was sympathy in her expression, but no pity, and he was thankful for that. Her love was like a balm to a festering wound, healing him.

“It was a long time ago,” he said on a rough sigh.

“I don’t think the saying ‘that time heals all wounds’ is at all accurate.”

“So wise for one so young,” he murmured.

She gave him a small grin, an attempt at humor in a gloomy discussion. “Not everyone is centuries old, you know.”

Instead of amusing him as was her aim, he was as serious as ever when he nodded gravely.

“Tell me about what happened earlier tonight,” she encouraged softly.

His lips parted, and he told her what she wanted to know. Afterwards, she hugged him fiercely.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry, Sesshomaru. She sounds awful.”

His fingers tangled in her hair as he stared down at her, his voice filled with conviction and fiercely protective. “I will not let her harm you, this I swear. I will keep you safe.”

“But…didn’t you say she would leave me alone?” she hedged.

“You can never trust her word, and I will not gamble your safety. Ever.”

“What about Michael and his family? What if she goes after them?” she fretted.

He wanted to sigh. She was always worrying about others instead of herself. So selfless, foolishly so at times.

“They will be safe, I promise you,” he assured. “But you must be careful.” Now he hesitated. “Perhaps it is unwise to venture out of this house without my presence.”

“You mean it’s not safe for me to go to work. I’ll lose my job, though!”

He scowled at her. “Your life is much more important.”

“But the patients need me.”

“I need you.”

“It’s not the same thing,” she said softly.

“You’re right. My need is greater.”

Her gaze turned vulnerable. “Do you mean that? It’s not some joke?”

He cupped her face in his hands. “I would never joke about something so serious. You’re the one, Kagome.”

Tears glistened in her eyes, and it was natural to meet her halfway and kiss her soundly.