Bound by Corruption by BelovedStranger

Inner Struggle

AUTHOR’S NOTE: 

Word Count: 3,768

KAGOME FOUND HERSELF in Sesshomaru’s lap. She hadn’t objected when he’d picked her up, only to sit with his back against the hut next to the doorway. She needed the comfort, even if it came from him.

Her tears continued to fall; though, she made no sound. Felt no pain. Nor urgency to continue on their quest. Only an apathetic numbness. Sesshomaru steadily stroked her back in gentle, soothing motions as if he truly cared, but she knew the truth. Felt his erection against her hip. He cared—physically, but never emotionally.

His desire towards her had been obvious from almost the moment they’d met, and like a moth drawn to flame, Kagome had been helpless but to respond.

Until now.

Now, his desire was obscenely offensive.

Two bodies lay dead mere feet away. One, an innocent. The other, a monster.

She shuddered when Sesshomaru nuzzle her. Revulsion twisted her insides. Kagome shoved away from him. He didn’t try to stop her, allowing her freedom as she scrambled to her feet and took two, hasty steps back. For once, she towered over him, but as he stared up at her, his expression spoke louder than words. He was far from intimidated, unmoved by her indignation—or condemnation.

She stared at his too perfect face, fuming. Speechless. How could someone be so devastatingly handsome on the outside yet so perversely vile on the inside?

After a moment of unbroken silence, Sesshomaru rose smoothly to his feet. Now, he towered over her, but instead of using his height advantage to try and intimidate her, his gaze went to the sky, prompting Kagome to do the same. It was late afternoon. They should be on their way, his look seemed to convey. And she agreed with an eagerness that had little to do with her concern for Kikyo, but, rather, a desperation to flee the hut and the evidence of her own susceptibility.

“Change your clothing and find nourishment,” Sesshomaru instructed. “Be sure to pack provisions, but make haste. We tarry too long.”

Staring at him, his face was once more an emotionless mask. How quickly his mood changed, one moment scorching her with his lust, the next, leaving her feeling small and inconsequential with his cold indifference.

Reluctantly, she did as he bid. Entering the hut, she was grateful when Sesshomaru didn’t follow. She kept her gaze averted, but it was hard to miss the bodies in the cramped, single room structure. Harder still to ignore a pinch of consciousness as she rummaged through the woman’s possessions, pilfering from the dead. Finding what she was looking for without delay, Kagome all but ran outside. Ignoring Sesshomaru, she went behind the building and found what she’d hoped for, a large barrel filled with rain water.

She was covered in ash and travel dust, stinking of old smoke and dried sweat. She longed to take a real bath, to scrub away the evidence of last night’s massacre. To wash away the foulness clinging to her after today’s atrocities. Unfortunately, there was no time. Even if there had been, she suspected she would never truly be clean again. Instead, she settled for scrubbing her hands and face, her under arms and betwixt her thighs, all without removing her stained sleeping yukata.

When she finished, she glancing around, assuring herself no one was watching, before quickly changing into her new garments, unwilling to dress in the relative privacy of the hut. The dark blue yukata was simple but well cared for, if far too long. After tying the plain, brown obi around her waist, she fingered her braid, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. She’d found a brush amongst the woman’s possessions. The temptation to fix her braid nearly overrode her aversion to using a dead woman’s things—until she realized why she was so concerned over her hair. Even after everything, she wanted the inugami to find her attractive.

Disgusted with herself, Kagome stomped back to the front of the hut, and found Sesshomaru where she’d left him.

“We should bury her.”

Her. Singular.

The man had murdered his wife and desecrated her corpse. Kagome could not bring herself to honour his death with a burial.

“A waste of effort and time we have little to spare.”

“It’s the right thing to do.” Such an asinine statement. She’d allowed a man to be killed. She was far past doing what was right. Still, she couldn’t just leave the woman as she was.

Kagome remembered a shed in the back and turned to look for a shovel.

“Procure sustenance, aijin. The garden appears well-tended.”

The garden. Not the hut.

As though he knew she hated the thought of returning inside. His kindness surprised her, before rousing suspicion.

Ignoring him, she started in the opposite direction. “I don’t want her mauled by animals. She deserves better. The sooner she’s buried, the sooner we can leave.”

Kagome didn’t get far when she heard an ominous hissing and sizzling. Turning quickly, she gaped, watching in amazement as a familiar green, spray-like fog erupted from Sesshomaru’s glowing claws. In moments, the humble structure was nothing more than a liquidated mess in the dirt.

“Why did you do that?!”

“You wished her corpse not to be devoured by animals.”

“I didn’t want this! I wanted her to be given a proper burial.”

“We have lingered overlong. We must depart, or have you forgotten our purpose? The bandits are on the march, no doubt to continue their quest of destruction.”

Kagome stared at him, appalled. “Have you no compassion?”

“I care not for your paltry understanding of morality, miko.”

His words stung, silencing her.

He continued, merciless. “If it is your wish to sacrifice the living to concern yourself with the dead, then perhaps I have misjudged you.”

Kagome was taken aback. “What are you talking about?”

“Surely, you are aware that if you had persisted in this needless endeavor, the bandits would have had adequate time to reach another village. Should we fail to intercept them, many more will die. Perhaps their lives are meaningless to you? If that is so, then by all means, let us stay. Rest. You must be weary after such a long and arduous journey.”

His eyes were bored. His words were scathing.

He twisted everything.

“I hate you!”

Perhaps hate was too strong a word, but—in this moment—her dislike for him was great. He didn’t understand her. Didn’t want to try. Just arrogantly assumed the worst of her. She had never realized how difficult it was to be amiable towards someone who was as unpleasant as he.

“Hn.”

“I only wanted to make up for what happened to her…” Kagome choked, tears prickling her eyes.

“She is dead. Whatever happens to her now is of no consequence.”

“You...you...” Kagome had no words for such callousness.

Unmoved, he told her, “Shall we continue on or wait until the morrow? Decide quickly or I will do so for you. Should more villagers die, their deaths will be on your head if you continue to test my patience.”

He truly was a beast. And she was bound to this man. No, not a man. A daemon.

“Fine, we’ll go. Just give me a moment.” She turned away, only to pause. She didn’t look at him when she asked, “Is there no goodness inside you, Sesshomaru? No compassion at all?”

She didn’t wait for his response, fearing she’d pushed him too far. But he didn’t confront her as she gathered the necessary supplies into her makeshift pack she’d taken alongside the yukata she’d appropriated. Silently, she asked the dead for forgiveness, praying for the kami to take pity on the woman’s soul and guide her to the afterlife. When she was finished, Sesshomaru was waiting for her. As soon as she was near, he gave her his back, and they were off, entering the forest.

Kagome didn’t look back, but for some, unfathomable reason, she felt…remorse?

For a murderer?

Unthinkable!

Sanctimonious, she justified her actions—or rather, inaction. Only to came face to face with her own sense of self-rightlessness. How easy it had been to deem a person unworthy of life. To become the judge, and ultimately, executioner.

She sensed it. The darkness Sesshomaru insisted she harbored.

Apprehension iced through her veins, denial screaming through her mind, when his words returned to haunt her. “You have never tasted the pleasure of vengeance…”

How many bandits had attacked her village? How would she react—how would she feel—when those who’d murdered her obaasan and destroyed home were killed? Dreading the answer, she didn’t wish to find out.

But she would.

“I will see to it that you do,” Sesshomaru had told her. Had promised.

She never should have made a contract with a daemon. Too little too late. Kagome found herself caught fast in a tangled web of her own mistakes.

AS THEY WALKED, Kagome couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right. When it came to her. “How do you know where they bandits will strike next?”

How had she not thought of it before? She could only blame her lack of awareness on the trauma of her recent loss.

Sesshomaru said nothing for several seconds but continued on. Kagome thought he might be ignoring her, when he answered. “Humans are loud and incautious. They spoke of their intentions during the raid on your village. There is a town just beyond this forest.”

Kagome thought nothing of his clipped explanation, knowing a youkai’s hearing was far superior to a ningen’s. However, having rarely left the boundaries of her small village, Kagome didn’t know how far they had left to travel, so she asked, “How long before we get there?”

“Tired already, aijin?”

They’d only been walking for a quarter of an hour.

Kagome narrowed her eyes at his back, knowing what went unsaid. Weak. She tried to remain civil. “I’m not equipped for a lengthy journey. I’m trying to gauge how long what supplies I do have will last. It would help to know when we will reach the village.”

“Perhaps you should have thought of that and taken what you needed when you had the chance.”

A reprimand. A provocation. It took everything in Kagome to bite her tongue and not respond with a slew of angry words.

After several seconds, as though rewarding her for her self-restraint, he finally gave an answer. “At our current pace, we will reach our destination just after nightfall.”

Kagome’s heart sped up, thinking about the upcoming massacre. She shook her head, forcing herself to focus on Kikyo, and felt a flicker of hope. Perhaps soon they would be reunited.

But another thought nagged her.

“How do you know where we’re going?” They weren’t following any path she could see. They certainly weren’t following the bandits’ trail. Had the men come this way, the long grass she and Sesshomaru had recently traversed would have been trampled by their many feet.

“As I said, I overheard the bandits’ destination.”

“Yes, but how do you know where the village is? I assume we’re using an alternative route to cut them off. What if we’re going the wrong way?” And missed Kikyo, she worried.

“You worry needlessly. These lands are known to me.”

She hadn’t expected his answer. “Do you live around here?”

It would make sense, considering Sesshomaru had been near the Inu no Kami’s shrine when she’d been attacked.

“No, my main residence is far from here,” he corrected. “However, I am familiar with the entire western region.”

She opened her mouth to ask more questions when he commanded, “Eat, aijin. I can hear the grumblings of your body. You should better care for yourself.”

He almost sounded like he cared, but she knew better. As always, Sesshomaru was practical. And, no doubt, wanted to avoid further questions. She hadn’t forgotten his unwillingness to delve into his past. He didn’t want her to get to know him. Except physically.

The reminder did nothing to improve her mood. Especially knowing he was right, in a way. She shouldn’t want to get to know him, either. Nor had she eaten since last night. Her last meal had been simple, a bowl of rice with fish, but she’d shared it with her grandmother. Sadness returned. Despite her hunger, she had no appetite.

“I’m not hungry.”

Her stomach chose that moment to growl ferociously.

“Your stomach is more honest. Eat, onna.”

Kagome frowned. “I’ll eat when I feel like it.”

“If we’re to reach the village before the bandits’ attack, you must keep up your strength.”

Angry by his persistence, she snapped back. “If we’re so pressed for time, why aren’t we flying?” She hadn’t even known he’d possessed the ability until that morning. “We could have intercepted them long before now and had done with it.”

He glanced back at her with an air of superiority. “Just because you can do something does not mean you should.”

Kagome shook her head, bewildered. “I don’t understand you.”

He explained with forced patience, as though speaking to a simpleton. “If you always choose to take the easy road, you’ll never grow, never learn to adapt. You will always be dependent.” His voice became condescending. “One day’s worth of hard travel is no real hardship, even for a ningen. Now, stop this pointless arguing and find something to quiet your incessant belly. You waste breath when you could be putting your mouth to better use.”

The innuendo was lost on Kagome, too innocent of the ways of carnal desire.

Knowing she tested his patience too far, she capitulated ungracefully, muttering under her breath about domineering daemons, knowing he could hear her and not caring. She had to stop to untie the knot securing the bundle to her back, before setting it on the ground so she could rummage through its contents. Without being choosy, she grabbed a root vegetable at random and quickly replaced the sack, all without checking to see if Sesshomaru waited for her. When she was ready, she looked ahead, and found Sesshomaru standing still, his back facing her. Hearing her approach, he began walking, saying nothing.

Still fuming, she bit into her food obnoxiously loud. The food tasted like ash on her tongue, and she had to fight for every swallow, her body rebelling despite her hunger. But she persisted, certain Sesshomaru would force-feed her if she didn’t. She doubted he would be gentle about it either, and if she wasn’t willing to seriously fight back and cause him harm, she wouldn’t be able to stop him.

After a few bites, she needed a break from eating and decided to risk calling his attention back to her. “I’ll need a bow and quiver of arrows if we’re to confront the bandits.”

“You surprise me, miko. This morning, you gave the impression you were opposed to killing them. Have you a change of heart?”

“No! I just feel…helpless without it.”

“You doubt my ability to protect you?”

She could hear the displeasure in his voice. “Of course not. Look, I’ve been trained my whole life to always carry my bow. Not having it feels unnatural. Like I’m naked.”

He tossed her a heated look over his shoulder, surprising her, setting her aflame with but a glance. “Ah, now there’s a thought.”

She snorted, hating him for his indecency. Hating herself for responding. “Keep dreaming, youkai.”

“Keep tempting me, aijin.”

The promise in his words nearly made her choke on her next bite. She’d just decided to ignore him when a problem presented itself. “Except, I don’t have any coin to purchase either.” She thought aloud. “Maybe the village will have a miko and will lend me a spare?”

The reality of her situation abruptly sank in. She was homeless. Destitute.

Perhaps she should have taken the coin purse she’d found back at the lone hut, meager though it was. The dead had no use for money, she rationalized, and yet, the thought left her feeling uncomfortable. And with it, she was slowly coming to realize the luxury of morality. How simpler the concept of right and wrong when survival was not at stake.

“Worry not, aijin. You will have your pick of weapon before the night is through.”

The way Sesshomaru spoke had Kagome instantly on edge. Surely, he wasn’t implying that she was to take from the bandits? Or worse. “I’m not expected to…to fight, am I?”

“Would it be so awful to fight by my side? To exact vengeance with your own two hands.”

“I agreed to do no such thing!”

“Pity. Perhaps next time.” Before she could insist that there would most certainly not be a next time, he added, “Justice shall be delivered by my hand. My gift to you, as promised.”

A gift she’d never asked for. A promise she’d never wanted.

Uneasy by Sesshomaru’s vow, she feared what lie ahead. Inugami were tricksters. Deceivers. Would he instigate events, forcing Kagome to kill to save herself? She had no compunction about taking a life in self-defense, but would some small part of her enjoy the taste of vengeance?

KAGOME HAD BEEN careless not to have grabbed her bow and quiver the night before. Unable to sleep, she’d made her familiar trek to the cliffs on the outskirts of the village without thought to possible danger. How often had Kikyo drilled into her not to go anywhere without protection? It was now habit to go everywhere armed, so why hadn’t she?

Kagome grimaced. She’d been distracted, consumed by thoughts of Sesshomaru. Or, more disquieting, perhaps on a subconscious level, she’d felt her safety was assured with an inugami protecting her.

Laughable. Reckless.

So deep were her thoughts, she allowed Sesshomaru to outdistance her.

Noticing the increasing gap, she trotted to catch up, and promptly tripped over the hem of her borrowed yukata. She went down with a small cry, catching herself on hands and knees before she went sprawling face first in the dirt. Her landing was rough, her left knee cracking against a tree root. Her breath caught, then hissed between clenched teeth as she curled into herself and lifted her injured knee off the ground in a useless bit to ease the unexpected pain.

Sesshomaru was there in an instant, kneeling before her.

“It’s not my fault,” she defended before he could say a word, her embarrassment at her clumsiness morphing into anger. “These clothes are too long.”

Sesshomaru made no comment to her heated defense. Instead, he reached around her and the sound of cloth ripping caused her to stiffen. “What are you—oh.”

He’d torn off the bottom portion of her clothing, making it easier for her to move around. She blushed, realizing he’d ripped the garment just above her knees, exposing her pale limbs, but that wasn’t why heat suffused her face. No, Sesshomaru was eyeing her calves far too intently.

“You didn’t have to rip it so far up,” she groused, unable to be grateful under his intense regard.

“You are injured.” He fingered the knee she kept elevated, a delicate caress that sent heat across her skin. “Let me see.”

Disconcerted, she waved him off. “I-it’s nothing! I’m fine.” She wasn’t bleeding, but she knew there would be a bruise later.

Taking her at her word, he said nothing further, but surprised her by offering her his hand.

Hesitant, she placed her palm atop his, allowing him to help her to her feet. “Thank you,” she murmured, feeling unaccountably shy by his sudden gentleness.

His response was a brief nod before turning and leading her down the road once more. She quickened her pace until she strode alongside him. He made no comment, but she didn’t think he minded since he adjusted his stride closer to her own without comment. They walked in silence for a long time, but the tension from before was now absent.

Instead, it was almost companionable.

Should she allow the tension to ease between them? Even if she came to regret it, Kagome couldn’t find it within herself to maintain her anger toward Sesshomaru. The last few days had left her emotionally drained and mentally exhausted. And after hours of near constant travelling, her legs were tired, her feet sore. She was weary of fighting.

This peaceful truce continued throughout the rest of the evening. The sun was finally setting when they emerged from the forest that opened into a wide field. Across the patch of farmland stood a small town. Rather than continue towards the cluster of homes, Sesshomaru stopped and appeared to inspect the immediate area, only to retrace their steps by guiding her back into the forest.

Kagome said nothing. Watching. Waiting.

They continued for over a mile before he halted and turned to her. She opened her mouth to question him, her curiosity getting the best of her, when Sesshomaru grabbed her. A surprised shriek left her when he jumped high into the trees, where he deposited her upon a thick branch near the trunk. Looking down, a wave of vertigo hit. Her stomach flipped. Her head spun. Terrified of falling, she clung to him.

“Why are we here, Sesshomaru?” she asked, but she knew.

“To wait,” was his cryptic reply.

Then he startled her by first removing her sake from her shoulders and hanging it on a nearby branch, before gathering her into his arms. A moment later, Kagome found herself held securely in his lap, his muscular arm wrapped around her waist. With her back to his chest, Sesshomaru leaned against the trunk. One foot was supported on the branch, his knee bent, while the other foot hung below them.

She was surrounded by his warmth, his heady scent enveloping her. Heart beating too quickly, Kagome sat stiff against him, trying to deny how nice it felt to be held so close by him. No, it wasn’t him! She was lonely, traumatized. She desperately needed comfort, her spirit bruised and aching. There was no way she wanted him specifically.

“Rest if you are weary, aijin.”

“My name is Kagome.” A complaint without any real ire.

She was tired. With a weary sigh, her muscles unclenched. She relaxed, even rested the back of her head upon his shoulder. The position tipped her chin, bringing their faces uncomfortably close, but rather than look at him, she closed her eyes, allowing herself a moment of weakness. Against her better judgement, she gave in to temptation, deriving comfort from this cruel youkai who confused her with his surprising acts of tenderness.