Bound by Corruption by BelovedStranger

Inner Struggle

AUTHOR’S NOTE: 

Word Count: 2,125

KAGOME FOUND HERSELF in Sesshomaru’s lap. She hadn’t objected when he’d picked her up, only to sit with his back against the hut next to the doorway. She needed the comfort, even if it came from him.

She was pathetic, and right now, she didn’t care.

Sesshomaru stroked her back in gentle, soothing motions as if he truly cared for her pain. A lie. Tears feel unchecked, though she made no sound. The erection she felt forming beneath her rump proved that he did in fact care, in an obscene fashion that was inappropriate for the situation. She’d known of his desire of her from almost the beginning of their acquaintance, and traitorously, her body had reacted to him.

But not this time.

Two bodies lie dead mere feet away.

She shuddered when Sesshomaru nuzzle against her temple, before shoving away from him. He didn’t try to stop her, allowing her freedom. She backed away until she stood a yard away. He hadn’t moved, uncaring that she towered over him for once. He couldn’t have spoken louder had he tried: he wasn’t intimidated by her.

It was on the tip of her tongue to yell at him, his desire for her offensive given the situation. What was wrong with him, the beast?! Fuming, she couldn’t speak.

After a moment when it was obvious she wouldn’t—couldn’t, Sesshomaru rose smoothly to his feet. Now, he towered over her. His gaze went to the sky, prompting Kagome to do the same. It was late afternoon. They had best continue moving. She was thankful it was not closer to evening, that night was not impending. She’d have refused to stay, to step another foot inside that hut

But, of course, she’d have to. Sesshomaru was ever practical. “Change your clothing and find nourishment, aijin. Remember to pack provisions. Be swift about it. We must be on our way.”

Staring at him, he once more wore an emotionless mask. How quickly his mood changed, one moment scorching her with his lust, the next being cold as ice. Kagome shook her head. Would she ever understand him?

No more distractions. She needed clothes, and, swallowing thickly, she knew she had little choice but to go back inside and take from the dead. An image of the deceased woman came back to haunt her. Remorse morphed into dismay at thoughts of the man, of what she’d allowed to happen. Wrapping her arms around her middle in a protective gesture, cupping her elbows, she reluctantly went back inside.

She was grateful when Sesshomaru didn’t follow her. She kept her gaze averted, but it was hard to miss the bodies in the single room as she rummaged through the woman’s possessions. Finding what she was looking for without delay, Kagome returned outside. Ignoring Sesshomaru, she went behind the building and found what she had hoped would be there, a large barrel filled with rain water.

She grimaced, wishing she could wash her hair, to take a real bath, but Kagome settled for washing her hands and face. Looking around, assuring herself no one was watching, she quickly changed into her new garments. She refused to go back inside, not if she could avoid it. Adorned in a simple blue yukata with a brown obi, Kagome returned to the front of the hut where she found Sesshomaru. He hadn’t moved.

“We should bury her.”

Her. Singular.

Kagome couldn’t bring herself to honor the dead by, also, burying the man who’d murdered his wife, before desecrating her corpse.

“A waste of effort and time we have little to spare.”

“It’s the right thing to do.” Such an asinine statement. She’d let a man be murdered. She was far past doing what was right. Still, she couldn’t just leave the woman as she was.

Kagome remembered a shed in the back and turned to look for a shovel.

“Procure sustenance, aijin. The garden appears well-tended.”

Ignoring him, she started in the opposite direction. “I don’t want her mauled by animals. She deserves better after such a tragic end. The sooner she’s buried, the sooner we can leave.”

Kagome didn’t get far when she heard a familiar hissing and sizzling. Turning quickly, she gaped, watching in amazement as a familiar green spray-like fog erupted from Sesshomaru’s glowing claws. In moments, the dilapidated structure was nothing more than a liquidated mess in the dirt, a green, bubbling ooze.

“Why did you do that?!”

“You wished her corpse not to be eaten by animals.”

“I didn’t want this! I wanted her to be given a proper burial.”

“We have lingered overlong. We must depart, or have you forgotten we seek to overtake the bandits who destroyed your home? Who might have your sister, if she yet lives.”

Kagome stared at him, appalled. “Have you no compassion?”

“I care not for your paltry understanding of morality, miko.”

She lost it. “You are so insistent that I have evil inside my heart. Well, maybe you’re right. I let that man die, kami forgive me. But there is good within me, too.” She pressed a hand to her heart for emphasis. “And no matter how you try, you can never take that away from me!”

“If it is your wish to sacrifice the lives of the living to concern yourself with the dead, then perhaps I have misjudged you.”

“What do you mean?” He spoke in riddles!

“Surely, you are aware that if you had persisted in this needless endeavor, the bandits would have marched on another village before we could intercept. Many more would be killed. Had I known that was your wish, I would have granted it.”

He twisted everything! “I hate you!”

“Hn.”

“I only wanted to make up for what happened to her…” Kagome choked, tears prickling her eyes.

“She is dead. Whatever happens to her body now is of no consequence.”

“You...you...” Kagome had no words for such callousness. “She was once a living, human being, deserving of compassion and kindness!”

Sesshomaru stared at her with a bored air. “Will you be gathering your provisions or shall we remain? Perhaps you are tired and in need of rest. You’ve already allowed one to die. What is one village?”

“You’re cruel,” she whispered.

“Make you choice, or I will make it for you, where we will be staying. Should more villagers die, their deaths will be on your head if you continue to test my patience.”

He truly was a beast. And she was bound to this man. No, not a man. A daemon.

“Fine, we’ll go. Just give me a moment.” She turned away, only to pause. She didn’t look at him when she asked, “Is there no goodness inside you, Sesshomaru? Any compassion at all?”

She didn’t wait for his response, fearing she’d pushed him too far. But he didn’t stop her as she gathered the necessary supplies. Silently, she asked the dead for forgiveness, praying for the kami to take pity on the woman’s soul and guide her to the afterlife. When she was finished, he was waiting for her. As soon as she was near, he gave her his back, and they were off, entering the forest.

Kagome didn’t look back, guilt dodging her steps. A realization was forming, one that combatted any sense of self-righteousness she might have felt towards the vile man’s death: who was she to be judge and executioner? That was exactly the choice Sesshomaru had presented her with—and she’d fallen into the temptation. How deceptively easy it had been to judge a man unworthy of life.

Though part of her was desperate to hide from the truth, Sesshomaru hadn’t made the choice for her. What was more, he was following their contract, showing her the darkness within herself, and the glimpse appalled her. Self-loathing ate at her.

Then there was fear.

Sesshomaru expected her to make that choice again, to be judge, to be the executioner. The further they travelled, the closer they neared their objective. How many more would die? How would she react—how would she feel—when those who’d murdered her obaasan and destroyed her village were killed? After today, she feared the answer and didn’t want to find out.

Sesshomaru was going to kill again—for her.

The men were marked for dead—because of her.

His words came back to haunt her. You have never tasted the pleasure of vengeance, and I will see to it that you do.

A promise. A vow.

Then, you will know for a certainty the ones who have caused you such pain are gone from this world

She was in pain now, trapped in a tangled web of her own mistakes.

“Eat, aijin. I yet hear the grumblings of your body. You should better care for yourself. It would not do for you to collapse from hunger.”

Kagome was surprised he cared, only to perceive he didn’t. He was ever practical. But the thought of eating did not interest her, the complaints of her stomach easily ignored under the suffocating weight of depression. “I’m not hungry.” Her stomach chose that moment to growl ferociously, yet it did not change her feelings. Despite her body’s needs, her appetite was absent.

“Your stomach has more sense than you do. Eat, onna.”

Angry that he continued to push her, she allowed a spark to ignite. “If you’re so eager to reach the bandits, why aren’t we flying? For all your warnings of not making it to prevent further innocent deaths, we could have intercepted them long ago!”

He glanced back at her with superiority. “Just because you can do something, does not mean you should.”

Kagome shook her head, bewildered. “I don’t understand you.”

He explained with forced patience, as though speaking to a simpleton. “If you always choose to take the easy road, you’ll never grow and adapt. You will always be dependent.” His voice became condescending. “One day’s worth of hard travel is no real hardship, even for a ningen. Now stop this pointless arguing and find something to quiet your incessant belly. You waste breath when you could be putting your mouth to better use.”

The innuendo was lost on Kagome, too innocent of the ways of carnal desire.

Rather than continue arguing, she did as he demanded, her movements forceful with suppress rage as she stopped in her tracks to untie the sack on her back. Without even looking to see if Sesshomaru waited for her, she retrieved a few root vegetables she’d washed from the garden, before replacing the sack on her pack. Only then did she look towards Sesshomaru. He stood several feet ahead of her, his back facing her, but he had stopped. At the sound of her sandaled tread moving towards him, he continued forward without a word.

Grimacing, Kagome ate. The food tasted like ash, and she had to fight for every swallow. Her body rebelled despite her hunger. But she was persistent. She had no doubt that had she continued her objections, Sesshomaru would have force-fed her. She doubted he would have been gentle, and if she wasn’t willing to seriously do him harm to stop him, she’d have wished she’d taken the easier route and fed herself.

After a few bites, she needed a break from eating and decided to risk a question. “How do you plan on attacking the bandits’ forces? Weaponless, I am a liability.”

She didn’t doubt his ability to kill them all, no matter the strength of the villains’ forces. She’d seen what he was capable of at the Inu no Kami’s shrine. However, anything could happen in the heat of battle, and she was defenseless.

“The best defense is a good offense.”

Kagome felt the blood leave her head in a wave of dizziness. Was she expected to defend herself barehanded?

Wait. Was she expected to fight? “I thought you said you’d kill them yourself?”

“That is so,” he agreed. “You are safe with me.” Before she could feel relief, he added, as though having read her earlier thoughts, “Of course, anything can happen during battle. Best you remain vigilant and prepared.”

“To be prepared, I need a weapon!”

“Hn.” He seemed wholly unperturbed by her apprehension, of feeling utterly vulnerability by being forced to rely on another.

But then, he had pity on her. “You will have your weapon, never fear.” 

His assurance did not comfort her. She feared what lie ahead. Would she be forced to participate in Sesshomaru’s schemes despite his assurances to the contrary? Would she be forced to kill to save herself? She had no compunction about defending herself, even should it result in her attacker’s death, but would she reveal in the deaths, as Sesshomaru seemed to believe?