Bound by Corruption by BelovedStranger

Inner Struggle

AUTHOR’S NOTE: OMG I am right down to the wire on this chapter. I almost didn’t make it in time to collect the pretty banner Stella Mira created for this prompt. But it couldn’t be helped as I had RL issues to take care of. I hope you all enjoy this update ^^

Prompt: “The best defense is a good offense.”

Edited by Dianna (thanks a bunch!)

Kagome sat straddling Sesshomaru’s hips, sitting on his crossed legs while he stroked her back in gentle, soothing motions as if he cared for her pain. Tears fell unchecked from her eyes though she made no sound. She knew it was a lie; he cared nothing for her. But that wasn’t totally true, was it? She could feel his erection prodding her, almost aligned with her most feminine place. She knew he wanted her physically, had known it for a while now, but had never really acknowledged his interest.

Her mind flashed back to her recent awareness of his physical desire for her. He had just dropped the lifeless body of the murdering rapist and gazed at her with purely sexual heat. She had felt revulsion at his obvious desire when violence and death had just taken place, two dead bodies laying inches from them.

She shuddered in renewed disgust as she felt Sesshomaru nuzzle her temple again. She pushed away from him. He easily released her, surprising her, and causing her to stumble slightly in her backwards escape.

Sesshomaru saw the unflattering look she shot his way, thinking she blamed him for the rapist’s death. He could feel his ire rise as he assumed she was attempting to yet again lay all the blame at his feet, but then she spoke, revealing her true thoughts.

“How can you think about...carnal relations at a time like this? A woman was just murdered then raped and yet you want to...to do a similar act with me while two bodies turn cold? You disgust me, you beast! I can’t believe I started to like you. I hate you! As if I’d ever consent to...to let someone like you touch me.”

Sesshomaru remained seated and gazed levelly at the distraught female, his ire replaced by boredom. He noted almost absently that she yet again shed tears. He was losing track of how many times she did so, not the least bit affected by the display. He could point out that he had smelled her interest in him physically in the past upon more than one occasion, but he tired of her prattle. It was time to get moving soon, and they still had things to do here.

“Change your clothing and find nourishment, aijin. We need to be on our way soon,” he said calmly as he rose to his feet. He turned towards the sun, ignoring Kagome, silently calculated the distance they had to travel and how fast they had to move to arrive on time.

Kagome stood staring at his angelic profile uncertainly. How could he act so cold and distant so easily, as if he could turn off his emotions without any visible effort? She looked away from his deceptively serene visage, wrapping her arms around her middle in a protective gesture and cupping her elbows. Her gaze landed on the hut, her mind’s eye reminding her of the bodies left inside.

Sorrow filled her heart at the unknown woman’s demise. Kagome couldn’t help but place some of the blame on herself. If only she had gotten there sooner. She could have saved that woman. She knew logically that the woman’s death was not her fault, but the guilt remained. She had to do something to make things right.

Other than allow her killer and rapist to die? her mind whispered to her, making her cringe in acknowledgment.

Don’t think about it.

She turned her mind away from the morbid thought and murmured, “We should bury her.”

Sesshomaru turned his head inquiringly in her direction, but she didn’t see it as she was looking at the door flap of the hut with a forlorn expression.

“She should be buried. It’s the right thing to do,” she said more to herself then her companion. She took a step towards the garden, remembering a small shed at the back of the hut, intending to find a shovel to dig a grave when Sesshomaru’s words stopped her in her tracks.

“It’s a waste of time, time we do not have. Have you forgotten that we are tracking the ones who destroyed your village, aijin?”

Ignoring his insistence at calling her aijin, Kagome continued forward, thinking angrily that Sesshomaru was being his usual callous self, and replied heatedly, “You may not have compassion for others, Sesshomaru, but let me inform you that I do.”

Suddenly he was before her, blocking her path. She glared up at him defiantly then pointed a finger at his chest. “I don’t care if you think there’s evil inside of me, and maybe there is because, yes, I did want that vile man to die, kami help me, but I also have good inside me, too! And no matter how you try, you can never take that away from me.”

Sesshomaru gazed down at her passively, his golden gaze meeting her unflinching brown eyes. He ignored her reference to having both good and evil inside of her. In his mind, what she thought was her ‘goodness’ was merely the binds her conscious clung to, a  code she thought she had to follow. He didn’t have the time now to debate the topic with her. They had more pressing matters to take care of.

“If it is your wish to sacrifice the lives of others to concern yourself with the dead, then I will not stop you.” Then he stepped aside, allowing her to pass, though his gaze stayed on hers. He saw confusion enter her chocolate orbs.

“What do you mean? You speak in riddles, Sesshomaru.”

“Surely you are aware that if you persist in burying the dead, the bandits will march on another village before we can intercept them. Is it your wish for dozens or more to suffer and perish as your village and many others have?”

Kagome stared wide eyed at him, sucking in her breath sharply at the truth in his words.

Sesshomaru continued speaking as if his words were of no importance even though many lives were at stake depending on the action she chose to take. “By your shocked expression, I gather you did not already draw this conclusion. However, I wanted you to make this choice with full knowledge of what would happen should your focus delay on the dead instead of the living.”

“Why did you have to say it like that!” she cried, taking a step closer to him, a distraught expression upon her face as she clenched her fists to her chest.

“I only wanted to make up for what happened to her before she...” Kagome choked up before she could say the word, but Sesshomaru had no such problem.

“Died.Yes, aijin, she is dead. Quite brutally, in fact, but she is no longer living. Whatever happens to her body now is of no great consequence.”

“You...you...” Kagome had no words for his cruel words. “She was once a living human being, deserving of compassion and kindness. How can you speak so of the deceased?”

Ignoring her question as inconsequential, Sesshomaru asked again, “What is your choice then, aijin? Bury this woman who is beyond any aid and allow more to die, or reach your enemies before they reach their next destination? Truthfully, it makes little difference to me whichever you decide.”

Kagome didn’t know why it still shocked her that Sesshomaru held another’s life in such little regard. She believed him when he said he couldn’t care less if the bandits killed more innocent people. He truly was a beast, and it was only recently that she realized what sort of man she had bound herself to. No, not a man, a demon.

She gazed at him with perplexed sadness. “Is there any goodness inside of you, Sesshomaru? Any compassion at all?”

The man he had killed, the man she had let him kill, was vile and evil. Was Sesshomaru the same as the other? She couldn’t picture Sesshomaru raping a woman, especially not a corpse, but he murdered without remorse, cared so little, or more likely not at all, for the suffering of others. Was he really any different?

Sesshomaru didn’t answer her, merely stood like an immovable but beautiful statue as he continued to meet her gaze unflinchingly and without expression. She knew he waited her decision, and though it hurt her to leave the woman for animals to find, she could not let more innocent lives be destroyed. Not when she was able to prevent it.

“We’ll continue onwards to intercept the bandits. I won’t bury her,” Kagome said softly.

At least, she thought, that he had warned her what delay would mean to the bandits’ next targets instead of keeping silent and allowing her to stumble upon the knowledge too late. She could almost find comfort in the thought if she did not know that Sesshomaru would enjoy for her to condemn the village to blood and death.

Sesshomaru acknowledged her decision with a nod, internally knowing that she would have done so all along. She was not yet willing to ignore another’s plight. He still had a long way to go in corrupting her, but it was proving an amusing pass time.

“Change your clothing, aijin.”

She shuddered at the thought of walking into that hut, seeing the dead bodies. All ready the image was filtering across her mind’s eye. She didn’t want to see it again with the naked eye. She had previously thought death was a way of life, but never before had she imagined such gruesome passings as she had been forced to witness recently. It was more than she could take.

“No.”

Not realizing she was referring more to walking in on the corpses than actually refusing new garments, Sesshomaru said, “Would it not be strange to continue walking around in sleeping attire? Besides, your yukata is filthy.”

Brown eyes lowered to her white sleeping garment and she felt faint at what she saw. Blood. It was everywhere. On the front of her clothes, her bare feet, and even on the hands she raised in front of her. Then she blinked frantic eyes and the blood was gone to be replaced by a few dirt stains.

She felt disoriented and lifted her hand to cover her left eye, breathing too shallowly.

Sesshomaru frowned at her odd behavior. “Aijin?”

Kagome stumbled away towards the hut. “I-I have to change.”

She fled, not knowing what had just happened, but needing desperately to get the yukata off, she entered the small hut with one minded purpose, forgetting for a moment what laid in wait inside.

She froze in the doorway, allowing the door flap to fall from lifeless fingers, unable to look away. Her eyes were too wide, showed too much white, as her gaze settled on the crumpled form of the man. Her mind replayed how Sesshomaru had choked the life out of him, how he had struggled to free himself from a ruthless clawed hand, and failed. She had allowed him to die. She was sickened by her part in his murder until her eyes unwillingly drifted over to the woman’s too white face.

Anger and loathing replaced her sorrow for the unknown man’s death. Why should he live after committing such a heinous act, her mind demanded with blood thirsty fierceness. She had no doubts that this was not the first time he had down something so unforgivable. She told herself she was being ridiculous for feeling bad for his demise; he had deserved to die. But then, a small part of her questioned, who had made her judge and executioner? Her mind at war over what she had allowed to occur, she fled into the next room, but she could not outrun her disquieting thoughts.

When she had stood amongst the wreckage of her village, being forced by Sesshomaru to once again see its destruction, she had thought naively that she had not wanted the ones responsible to meet a similar end. Now, oh, God, now she knew that to be a lie.

A part of her screamed for retribution, a shrill inner voice she had not heard at that dreadful time when her village lay destroyed, her home, family and friends forever stolen from this life...until now. Not until Sesshomaru had opened her eyes to the truth, a truth she had been unwilling to see or believe. His words filtered through her mind, words he had spoken in promise while they stood amongst the ashes of her life.

“You have never tasted the pleasure of vengeance, and I will see to it that you do. I shall show you by killing every one of those bandits and you are going to watch me do it and know that the ones who have caused you such pain are gone from this world.”

Back then she had been horrified at the implications of his vow, she still was, but now a seed of bloodlust had been planted. Part of her wanted those vile men who had taken everything from her to cease to breathe.

She paused in the next room, realizing that he had already done it. Sesshomaru had already shown her a taste of vengeance after he had dispatched the murdering rapist. However, that nameless man’s despicable acts had been against a stranger. How strong would her reaction be once Sesshomaru butchered the ones who had murdered her loved ones?

She swallowed convulsively, feeling her stomach churn. She feared the answer, shut her mind to it. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, think about that right now or she’d break down from the mental strain. Logic, emotions, and her moral code were at constant war, clouding her mind, her judgment.

She forced herself to focus on the task at hand, finding new garments. She refused to think about taking from the dead, and rummaged through the rooms until she found a simple dark purple, obviously worn, kimono with an ugly egg yellow obi to tie the garment in place. There was no hakama and hoari she could find that would fit, and was forced to settle for the purple kimono, though it had been a long time since she had worn anything other than a miko’s garments.

She found dull white socks and remembered seeing a pair of straw sandals by the door in the main room. She also picked up a white ribbon, a woman’s hair tie, and unconsciously tied her hair back into the style all miko wore without even realizing it, habit and reflex taking over.

That finished, she left in search for the sandals, looking away from the corpses as she once again stepped around them. Still, as she put on the woman’s sandals before leaving the hut, she wished she could bury the woman, knowing she could not. She had to help the living now as the dead were beyond her help.

Her spirits low, she walked meekly towards Sesshomaru and said softly, “I’m ready to go now.”

Sesshomaru eyed her new garments for a moment before looking away from her and off into the distance once more. “You have yet to eat.”

“I’m not hungry anymore.”

At that moment, her stomach growled; though, she couldn’t stand the thought of eating right now.

Sesshomaru eyed her again. “Your stomach has more sense than you do. You need to keep up your strength if you want to reach the bandits in time.”

Unhappy that he was right, angry that he continued to push her, she cried, “Why can’t you just fly us to our destination or run with the speeds at your command? There is no need for such haste with your capabilities.”

He looked down his regal nose at her. “Just because you can do something, does not mean you always should.”

Kagome shook her head in bewilderment. ‘I don’t understand you.”

“If you always choose to take the easy road, you’ll never grow and adapt, and always be dependant.” His voice turned condescending. “One day’s worth of hard travel is no real hardship even for a ningin. Now stop arguing and find something to quiet your belly. We are wasting time, or have you changed your mind in wanting to intercept your enemies before they reached their next destination?”

Shooting him one last glare, she stormed off, first inside of the hut, some of her anger evaporating when she saw the bodies again, to fetch a bamboo water bottle and satchel. She was outside in minutes with her new supplies, first going to the small well she had noticed earlier to fill her bottle, then when that was finished, to the small garden and filled the satchel with vegetables. She was walking towards Sesshomaru with a slightly less hostile expression while munching on a radish, ignoring the small bits of dirt she hadn’t been able to brush off it.

They had only just continued on their way down the dirt road when Kagome thought to ask, “How do you plan on attacking the bandits’ forces? What if I get in the way? How am I supposed to defend myself?”

She was well aware Sesshomaru could easily kill them all, remembered how he had massacred the bandits attacking her at the Inukami’s shrine, but anything could happen while in the heat of battle.

“The best defense is a good offense.”

Kagome paled, knowing he meant that she would have to defend herself by attacking any would be assailants. Would she be forced to kill to save herself, she though bleakly.