Bound by Corruption by BelovedStranger

To Start Again

Prompt:

'Right or wrong, my country.'

Kagome was smiling while she dressed. The clothes she put on were an exact replica of the ones Sesshomaru had paid for when they’d been in the spirit world together. She hadn’t heard Sesshomaru instruct the little imp—Jaken wasn’t it?—to obtain the same style, but then, if Jaken had gone to the same shop, perhaps one Sesshomaru often frequented, the shop keeper probably remembered her and what she had left with last time.

Truthfully, she barely reflected about her clothes, but about the Inugami himself.

Sesshomaru hadn’t said the words exactly, but it was obvious he did love her or suspected he did. It was obvious the demon had never experienced the emotion, but going by his previous actions, there was little doubt in her mind that he was struggling with his new feelings, trying to understand them and come to grips with them just as she was.

Kagome couldn’t help but recall how he’d been thinking about her while she’d been controlled by Tatsuo, how he hadn’t killed her when he’d had the chance and at first intended to do. He’d put his life in danger to keep her safe, and when he’d been fighting off his fever, he’d said the most kind things to her, further revealing how he felt towards her. But what really shoved all doubt from her mind was what happened between them a short while ago. Sesshomaru hadn’t taken advantage of her. Though she was still unfamiliar in the ways of intimacies between a man and woman, she’d seen the signs that he’d desired her, had wanted to take what she had shamelessly offered him, but he hadn’t, and all because he wanted her to turn to him out of love.

Sesshomaru hadn’t said much about his feelings after he woke from his illness, but going by what little he had said, the things he implied—heavily—she filled in the blanks.

Sesshomaru loved her.

The happy grin on her face dimmed.

However, he hadn’t apologized to her, about anything, and though it wasn’t his job or prerogative to save people in need, she still found it hard to forgive him for allowing her village to be destroyed. Her obaasan… She’d died while he could have saved her.

Was that why he was trying to help her find Kikyo, as a way of apologizing to her? He didn’t demand anything of her by offering his assistance. At least not that she was aware of. Considering his past secret scheming, there was every possibility that his intentions weren’t as honorable as they appeared. Was he planning something? If so, would Kikyo be harmed? …Or worse? Just the thought chilled her heart and brought her anger to the fore.

Then she remembered Sesshomaru’s delirious ramblings. He claimed he was no longer trying to corrupt her, to change her. Were his intention in helping her find her sister honorable? She had to know, now, before she continued travelling with him towards her sister’s most likely destination—the bandit force’s stronghold.

Her shoulders slumped as she realized something, tying the last of her garments together. Love wasn’t enough. Sesshomaru loved her she was sure, and she loved him even though that probably wasn’t the wisest thing she had done. However, if she stayed with him, could she trust him?

She’d grown up believing in fairytales, until one day an Inugami came along and shattered everything. Sesshomaru claimed she hadn’t been as naïve as he’d previously thought, but Kagome wasn’t stupid. She knew she’d been a little girl refusing to grow up and see the world as it truly was. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows as she’d once thought. Though there was good in the world, there was more evil than she’d realized and demons were not the only cause of the darkness. Humans were, too.

Though Sesshomaru’s methods left much to be desired, Kagome had matured somewhat since meeting him and couldn’t help but realize that he’d helped her grow—even unwittingly. And one of the life lessons she just now realized she’d come to understand was that love was not enough to keep a relationship going.

Did they even have a relationship? Not a normal one, that was for certain.

Sesshomaru watched Kagome intently as they dressed. Her back was to him but at her continual silence, he knew she was dwelling on something. On what, he could not be completely sure. But if she thought this was the last time they were going to be intimate, he would prove her wrong with relish. He’d been momentarily confused and out of his goddamn mind since waking up, but that had passed. He was now back to his former, confident self…or mostly.

Staring at Kagome’s back, he couldn’t help but worry and doubt. Why wasn’t she saying anything? Teasing him like before while she dressed? She’d played the siren pretty damn well for a novice, but now that seductive attitude was gone.

Placing his swords back where they belonged, wearing his new garments that was his customary attire, he strode towards her on silent footsteps. The marble, bath floor should have caused his steps to echo around the wide room, but like the predator he was, he stalked his prey without making the slightest sound. With every step, he forced his insecurities further away and resorted to what he knew best—seduction.

Stopping less than a foot behind her, making sure the warmth of his body didn’t warn her of his proximity, he reached for her as she finished tying her hakama. His arms encircled her waist, bringing her back against his chest, forcing her to take that last step to bridge the gap between them.

He grinned when she made a surprised squeak. Leaning down, he whispered heatedly in her ear.

“Have you already had your fill of me, aijin? Or is this a new game? Do you want me to seduce you out of your new clothing?”

That was obviously the worst thing he could have said.

Instead of relaxing against him with a sigh and respond to his sexual advance, she stiffened and shoved him away with her elbow in his ribs. He let her go with a frown, staring into her eyes as she turned to stare up at him after putting some space between them.

“Is that what all this is to you? A game? Stop playing around! This is serious here.”

That she berated him did nothing to improve his inner misgivings, and he fought not to scowl down at her.

“A poor choice of words on my part,” he said smoothly, his voice, his whole demeanor losing all traces of sexual teasing.

“Then what did you mean?” She waved her hand in a dismissive gesture before he was given a chance to respond. “Never mind. That’s not important right now.”

“Speak plainly.”

He was not liking her change in mood at all. He much preferred her seductive approach, not this angered, exasperated onna who stood before him now.

“I love you.”

Her unexpected admission made his heart stutter in his chest. So the previous sentiment hadn’t been fueled by lust like many were wont to do in the throes of orgasm? His hope was soon dashed by her next words.

“And I think you love me, too, but that doesn’t matter. Not completely.”

“What are you saying?” he more demanded than asked, his eyes narrowed on her face.

He refused to admit that he loved her. However, it was obvious Kagome seemed to be aware of his volatile emotions. Was that a good or bad thing? He’d like to believe it was a good sign since he had no intention of putting his feelings into words. It was too much for him.

She shook her head. “It’s not enough. Love can’t keep two people together.”

With grim determination, he dragged her against his chest with an arm around her waist. With his other hand, he slid his fingers between her cleavage, claws gently scrapping against her haori. “We have this between us.”

She shoved him away again, and again he let her. Again he’d angered her.

“Stop it, Sesshomaru! Lust isn’t enough either. It takes a lot more than that, like trust, and I don’t know if I can trust you.”

What more did he have to give, he internally groused. She already had his heart, though he hadn’t planned or even wanted to give it. No, he hadn’t given it. She’d stolen it. Somehow, someway, she’d gotten under his skin and dug deep.

“Kagome…” He had no idea what to say.

She didn’t demand that he spill his guts on the floor and speak of his feelings for her—a blessing—but she did demand to know his motives, which was not much better. Her new doubt rankled—even if he deserved it.

“Why did you offer to help me find Kikyo? Were you just being nice for once or do you have something else planned? If you hurt Kikyo, I’ll never forgive you.” She spat the last at him, protectiveness making her defensive and ready to attack him at any given moment. He could see it in the tenseness of her body, the resolve in her eyes.

It was then that he realized that she hadn’t forgiven him, for anything. And like Kagome said, lust and love were not enough—not for her. Not by a long shot. Almost petulantly, he wondered why the hell not? Plenty of people were content to stick around another on lust alone, but again he was reminded that this woman was different. It was refreshing but also maddening.

Stiffly, he answered, “I never intended for her to come into harm’s way.”

He had, however, wanted to make up any reason to keep her by his side and rely on him. He’d even planned to alienate Kagome from her sister, knowing that Kikyo would probably be a formidable barrier between them. Kagome all but worshipped her sister and should Kikyo reject his presence in Kagome’s life, he’d feared she’d listen to Kikyo and leave him. However, it seemed more likely that Kagome would leave him because of his own actions, without help from her sister’s interference. Had anyone else been in this situation, Sesshomaru would have found it amusing. Since it was him, he was not amused.

“Not even like my obaasan or my entire village?” Then her tone lowered. “I know I can’t expect you to save everyone in trouble but this is my family, the last of my family. If you’re just going to stand by and not help, then I think it would be best if you didn’t come at all.”

“You are dismissing me?” he seethed, his fangs clenched tightly shut at the thought.

“You no longer wish to corrupt me—” How did she know that, he wondered. “—and we don’t have a contract for me to abide to.” The reminder of one of his many lies made him stiffen. It shouldn’t matter to him that he’d been found out. It never had before, but this time was vastly different than all the others.

“I’m not dismissing you, Sesshomaru,” she continued more gently. “I very much want your help. I’ll probably need your strength if we get there in the middle of a blood bath. Knowing the bad luck I’ve been having lately, that is more than likely.”

Now she was the one to step closer to him. Her small hand fell on his torso, and she upturned beseeching eyes to him. “Please, will you help me and save Kikyo if it comes to that?”

Her sister could undoubtedly hold her own, but her foes were not demons that could be purified, and Kikyo was attacking the bandits’ stronghold. She’d be surrounded by enemies with just Sesshomaru’s bother to aid her in Kikyo’s vendetta. Kagome knew nothing about Inuyasha or his expertise in battle, but she knew Sesshomaru, and he could easily kill an army of humans without much effort—if any.

Was she trying to use her feminine wiles on him, he wondered as he stared down at her. Would she stoop down to his level and manipulate him into doing what she wanted? Sesshomaru didn’t think so. No matter how hard he’d tried to corrupt her, he could still see that innocent onna in the hardened eyes of the woman before him.

Placing his clawed hand over hers, he moved her palm over his heart.

“I will help you, Kagome.”

Maybe this was the first step in gaining the trust she needed from him, giving her that much more reason to choose to stay with him. But looking into her relieved gaze, he could still see shadows swirling in her brown eyes and knew she wanted something else from him. She didn’t ask for or prompt him to give it, but he knew what it was without being told.

Giving up just a bit of his pride, bending only marginally, he murmured sincerely, “Forgive me for all the pain that I have caused you. It will not happen again.”

Her eyes widened, lips parted on a small gasp as Kagome realized what he was trying to say.

I’m sorry.

And then she smiled at him.

Sesshomaru’s unease lightened at the sight.

No, he did not mean that he was sorry that her village was destroyed, her obaasan killed. He wasn’t sorry for anything he had done and would probably do it all over again, but he was sorry for the pain he’d caused her, another first for him. He didn’t tell her that, knew some truths were too painful to hear, and Sesshomaru refused to lose any more ground with Kagome. He wasn’t manipulating her this time, only omitting a few things. It wasn’t even a lie. He was sorry.

“Thank you,” she whispered, meaning it.

Unable to help himself, Sesshomaru leaned down. He gave her plenty of time to turn away from him, to reject him, but she did not. Instead, she met him halfway, returning his kiss.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I wanted to thank you all for your understanding that I'll be slowing down my updates, but never think I will be going on hiatus or never completing my fics. And, your wonderful words were a wonderful surprise, one that was much appritiated :)

CLIFF NOTE #1: Sesshomaru went a little out of his mind when he realized and came to grips about his new feelings of love for Kagome. He's never felt such a thing before, never believed in it, and his worries and self-doubt were also new to him. But now that he's had time to think, he's regained his previous poise and confident attitude, for the most part. Sesshomaru is still an Inugami, and though he loves her, he can't completely change his dark nature, not even for Kagome. 

But has he changed enough for her? Will she accept him at the end of their journey or leave him as he fears?